Nothing bothers me more than the thought that someone's sense of independence completely diminishes when in a relationship.

The thought that someone doesn't know how to be single because they choose to be in a relationship.

The thought that being a hopeless romantic means you can't be alone.

It's just not true.

Being in a relationship means a lot of things.

It means being able to share your own ideas, hopes, fears, and feelings with the other person.
It means falling in love with their flaws.
It means encouraging them to become something great in life.
It means being there for one another when times get difficult.
It means being selfless.
It means caring for one another.
It means loving one another.

It doesn't mean losing each other's sense of independence.

You can be in a relationship and be independent.
You can be a hopeless romantic and enjoy spending time alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's easy to depend on someone and it's not always wrong to. But it's dangerous to fall into that path of dependence.

It's dangerous because life is unpredictable. Someone can always leave. They can leave you with nothing but broken pieces and when that happens you'll have to pick up those pieces they left behind, by yourself.

You must find the balance between independence and dependence.
You must learn when it is okay to depend on someone and when you must handle something alone.

Never be in a relationship with someone who questions your independence; who forces you to depend on the other person.

Never settle for less than what you deserve.

My boyfriend asks me why I always listen to sad songs and write sad poems.

How do I tell him that I listen to these songs to remind me of what once was?

Or that I write these sad poems because I can only write about what makes me feel the most.

Why do I even want to be reminded of my bad times?

Is it because the songs and poems make me feel things so deeply; something I crave more than most?

I am not a sad person.

But I was; for a very long time. So sad I didn't want to be alive.

But time has changed.
I've changed.
Grew.
I am happy.

But my old, sad self is still in me somewhere, waiting for any opportunity to pop out and ruin my happiness like it has so many times before.

I hope one day we run into each other at a coffee shop.
Not to have one of those cliché moments where we realize we never should have broken up.
Or even one of those cliché moments where we begin to fall in love with each other all over again.

Instead

To laugh about just how ridiculously in love we were with each other back then.
To talk about just how wrong we were for each other.
To talk about just how toxic you were for me, but at the same time realizing that you grew from it, into the man I knew you had the potential to be.

We would talk about just how better off we are now, not together.

Maybe even talk about how happy we are with other people in our lives.
without feeling jealousy.
without feeling sadness.

To be happy that the other person is happy.

To finally realize why the heart break had to happen, as many times as it did.


*I just know I'm not ready for that yet.

Just because I'm happy for you doesn't mean it doesn't feel weird. And maybe "weird" isn't the right word but as I sit here trying to figure out a better word to describe my feeling I come up blank.

I'm not hurt.
I'm not sad.
I'm....weird.

Because in reality I am truly happy for you.
I'm happy you're happy.
Finally.

I know you're a great guy and will make her happy. I hope she doesn't hurt you like I did. I hope she will never doubt that you're the right guy for her, like I so often did. I hope she will show you affection, affection I could never show as much as I tried to. I hope she will love you more than I ever did (which was a lot).

Because you deserve just that.

but ****.. does it feel weird.