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For those of you who know my writing, you know it has been dark the entire last year.
What I am about to express here is the light that has illuminated through my life.
I am a Chritstian.
That sentence alone probably just turned half the world away, but please keep reading.
A lot of people in this scary and dark world have the completely wrong idea about what it is to be a Christian.
If you are a Christian or if you are the farthest thing, I need to explain something to you.
Please don't let the darkness overwhelm you, there is light.
The world grasps Christians as the largest group of hypocritical, judgemental people that exists.
I want to tell you what I think Christianity is.
Christianity is not a religion.
It is a relationship with Jesus as your best friend, Lord, Savior, and even Father.
Being a Christian is not about following rules or what you even do at all.
It is about where your heart is.
If you are hurt, broken, guilty, prideful, arrogent, loving, kind, or even downright a terrible person,
let me tell you something.
IT DOES NOT MATTER.
God still loves you more than anything in this world above or below.
Even if you think you are the **** of the planet, God still loves you as much as the most beautiful and kind hearted person on this earth.
Even as much as Moses himself.
Nothing you can do friends will ever separate you from the love of God.
He thinks you are the most beautiful thing He has ever created.
You are His pride and joy.
So, now that you know God loves you no matter what you will ever do or ever did let me tell you why he loves you.
God loves you so much that he sent his only son Jesus down to the earth from Heaven to let humans sacrifice his perfect son for all of us horrible sinning humans so that we can be forgiven.
Without this beautiful sacrifice no human could ever be good enough to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but Jesus became the bridge and because of his death and resurrection on the third day, we can one day walk across the bridge to be with God.
Friends YOU are forgiven.
You are forgiven through Jesus' blood and can now have a relationship with God and receive all the benefits of walking with God through this trialsome life.
I plead with you to let your aching hearts find rest in the love of God.
Believe that His son Jesus did in fact died for your sins on the cross and repent from your wicked ways.
Through believing you can bask in the golden sunlight that God so lovingly allows us to feel.
Ask Jesus to come into your heart and change you so that you can be transformed in mind, spirit, and body.
Friends, you will not believe how incredible and amazing it is to walk with God.
The best thing about living a life with Jesus at your side, is you are never alone.
He will never leave you or forsake you.
He is a refue and a place of comfort.
I come from a place where my heart has been broken so many time by my parents, guys I thought who loved me, and even just a state of depression I thought I could never get out of.
But God shined the light on me and showed me the greater things out there for me.
There is no catch to being a Christian, only benfits.
You will gain everlasting life and never have to worry another day of this trialsome life because God has a beautiful perfect plan for you.
Put your trust in Him and give all your struggles to God and give yourself the freedom to live in perfect, everlasting peace.
For all Eternity.
Come and find your freedom friends.
His arms are open and ready for you and He is running to you with all He has.
Accept His grace and knock on the door of life.
Any one of you who seeks will find.
Seek the Lord and He will come and shower with His glory, love, peace, strength, grace, and so much happiness you will burst from inside and your sould will be consumed in a joyous fire for life.
Come all you who are weary and finally find your rest.
If anyone who reads this has any questions, please message me or anything. I will answer you and be there for you to the best of my ability.
Much love to you all.
The dragon looms before him
With waiting wanting jaws
And with its talon-ed fingertips
It grasps him in its claws.

Together forever, blissfully
They soar up and away
He doesn't know he's falling
As the dragon flies away

And every time he hits the ground
And gasps in disbelief
The pain drags on until the dragon
Offers him relief

One day, wings will carry you
Beyond what you can take
Those soothing claws will let you fall
And crush you when you break.
Silence Part 4


I am not sure
where conversation has gone.
How it disappeared in the shadows
wandering this room.

Words, thousands and thousands
once flowed between us,
creating friendship,
innuendo,
mystery.

Words, thousands and thousands
once spoke art,
poetry,
the conditions of life;
now they are drapped
over a limb
looking surreal
and found only in dreams,
or heard rustling in the wind
as they fade into smoky mist.

Silence speaks loudest
as you near sleep;
as your mind
holds its breath
against the darkness,
where words no longer exist.

8.18.11
last in this series on loneliness, sadness and loss of a friend...
 Sep 2015 Brian Payamps
Stxlle
Look me in the eye
and tell me a story
Don't start to cry
You shouldn't worry

No words need to be spoken
No actions need to be done
We are all broken
Each and every one

Let me see your eyes
Let me look close
You cannot disguise
the plot that you compose

I look in yours
You look in mine
Inside I see the universe
Planets, galaxies and  stars that shine

I see secrets and memories
Knowledge and emotions
I see chaos and peace
Stillness and motion

I see creativity and imagination
Reality all twisted
I see boredom and fascination
My perception of things have shifted

I see talent and passion
interest and hobbies
I see love and compassion
family and priorities

I see beliefs and ethics
morals and history
I see facts and academics
books and their story

I see insecurities and broken hearts
wars and self doubt
I see a collection of your art
And things you never told me about

I break the connection
comprehending what I saw
All the beauty and complexion
Left me in awe
 Sep 2015 Brian Payamps
Dare
Your words flow so sickeningly sweet from your lips to my ears full of subtle comfort of promises that will never be fulfilled. Of how you no longer get goosebumps every time you hear her angelic voice begin to sing a song that once belonged to the two of you. Or how you no longer crave cigarettes simply because they remind you of the taste her lips had provided. Yet, I remember the first time I saw you light up that black and mild of yours knowing that it wasn't the only thing you were addicted to. That behind your want to light up there was an underlining want for her.  But how could I blame you for being in love with the constellations in the sky after creating your own out of the freckles on her body? How could I blame you for wanting to stay in heaven after experiencing an angel?
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