I wonder
If I was at a party and
Our eyes locked as strangers
Would I keep on walking to
The window I was ashing my
Cigarette at?
To the table with the liquor
Placed on it?
To the music device I was
Tinkering with?
Never to second glance at your
Camouflage veneer?

Yule tirade is over and gone
With the mystic mountains all
Snow-laden
Crushed underneath a cotton
Wave of sky
On the other side of the
Window I sit with a towel
Draped over my thighs
I cheated on the sky with the sea
I felt his waves crash against me
And my dry phalanges began to
Prune
Within the thick fog that I
Drove straight through
Was just a few hours ago
I slept in the same bed
With someone I've never
Met before
23 years old with a beard
The shade of cherry wine
I bit his sinewy neck
And dazed upon the Winter sky
He suffers from anxiety attacks
He told me-
As we shared a cigarette-
He's staying with his parents
Because he has no job
And they have a cleaning lady
But it's really just the next-door
Neighbor he said
He likes folk music and
Dresses like a lumberjack

Abandoned all over again.
Looks like a ghost town in my eyes.
Its a hard caplet to swallow;
For one who doesn't recall that sorrow.
I have been chocking on,
as long as I can remember
Its the cement I crouch on;
Its this quicksand around my ankles..
To my thighs...quicker...
At my throat...
What's this lie that pushes people to the brink?
I want life to get better ,concurrent with desiring to die
But. I believe.
There is love out there...somewhere.
I hope to find where it breathes and
where it sleeps.

Speaking to me-passenger-
All of us on the train
Sailing through the settling
Rain
It's rough not to shut my eyes
In peaceful dark
I blink heavily like a song was
Directed- special- to me- while we converse of omnipotence and
The weather
Beloved to me as my Hallow's Eve
When wandering spooks caress the
Ankles of passerby babes
Bedecked in sheets disguised as
Ghosts
I held your hand close to my lips
And rubbed your fingertips
On it's sensuous
Curve once or twice
I recall we were tangled in bed
In the afternoon
I was still getting to know you
Learning to taste your distinct
Favors and
Severe ways like it was listed in ink on my wrist

P.S-
Making love to you was like Dropping acid

We talked of dreams
Delusions and deceptions.
Medications and potions.
Cities and beaches.
We went stargazing in
The snow covered mountain
I saw two shooting stars while
Your chin rested on my collar
Bone.
After our train derailed into
A madness that we hardly
Remember
( Because of the benzos)
What are we now?
Where do we go?
I shall shut my thoughts
In a casket as a secret to myself
And sit on bent knees
In front of figurines
Of the ****** Mary
In dripping wax- candle lit-
Blue rooms praying-wishing
For our tomorrow to be spent Redeemed from the ashy devils
That almost consumed us
Ah! meanderings
On amphetamines
Staring back at Marlboro
Draped-smoky-Sapphire eyes

It's snowing Flakes
On a Winter's eve;
The notes so still
And rough
It's indescribable melody.
Mysterious footprints,
I notice the coldness
Forces my bones to
Quiver;
It's haunting my memory.
Teeth jittering,
Dissolving like a child,
Aching for warmth;
Nights I cried alone-
Untouched inside,
Looking and lost
For a hearth.
It is haunting my memory.
Ruthless Moonbeams illuminate
My aching skin.
You're not home. And I don't have one and
There I realize I've become frozen.
(And I'm trying not to care.)
While a frostbitten symphony
Is hanging in the air.

Tickle my insides like
Someone did once
Manage to dust off that
Place I cannot touch
Tell me stories of your life
And memories
Unravel the tangled intricacies
That are within me
If I was more stable
More wise
I wouldn't feel like maybe there's
More behind those eyes
This game used to feel easy
But now I feel pressured by
Subjecting myself to exploitation
And exposure
What will become of that smile
I remember
I can't make someone stay no
Matter what I do
I'd rather be alone than you just
Passing through
Patience right now to guide me
To good sense
To clarity
To a semblance of safety in all
The risks
All of this feels like a test
And I break like glass
Entangled in the premise of
Fulfilling your wishes
But how do you defeat paralysis?
I'm not dumb as I act
I just have to push myself gently
Back onto track
I'm exploring the terrain
That is you
And if that's a mistake it's one
I repeatedly do
You got to jump without knowing where you'll fall
Falling I say is fun
So let's have a ball
Let's fill that space between us
**** all of this.
**** it all.

I wished you before
under a cracked star
     under a nightscape
My eyes.      Closed
Shut tight.  Locked windows
I wished us together
Phantom lover
I wished us driving
to places alone under
cycles of Moon
playing and dancing like birds
Cradle my wayword bony curve
in your safe space
If you were sour
I'd excuse because
like mommy always said
" If he's mean, that means he likes
you."
But a heart-shaped bruise
is still a bruise
And I'll always be little spoon

This silly shrill putting
Clothes on hangers in my
Head
Judging me, myself by
Conceptions I should have long
Since shot dead
Either way the formalities
Leave you wasting time on
Trivialities
And my needs I cannot touch
I cannot grasp what sustains me much
It's like living up to someone's
Voice and the
Echoes linger still
That get mistranslated as the
Noise reverberates from the
Wall's of a well.
Such sounds I hear
And all this hot air
I'm just going to leave them there
To burn the floor down.

My hand right there Isn't really there,
Seems like one with the air around me.
I swallow,
A lump of empty hits my heart hard.
I'm not in control;
"Control" feels like a lie.
Who am I?
Crying, sighing, sadness, madness,
Perception shifts, universal fits;
Can't escape disappearing,
In come creeping suicidal feelings.
Thoughts lost, wisdom tossed aside;
I pick at myself,
Suspicious of me.
Am I deceiving myself?
These impressions and sensations
Burn and cut me;
Just Leave me alone!!!
Sometimes I wonder..
Whom Is this being that Is speaking;
Is this me?
Save me from me.
Please?

Sometimes hard to tell
Where I begin and someone ends;
Getting caught in one another's silky web
Like drops of rain sinking in, I have stretched myself too thin.
Its maddening just how suddenly twinkles
On a crystal
Turn rusty and begin to dull;
Time to swallow a myriad of oblong pills
To calm my creaky soul.

In an ebony sky I found peace and tried
To piece together someone else's one track-mind;
Just blindsided by the confusions
I found myself using every possible situation,
In stuttering indifference instead of listening and
Being guided, onward
By the universe.

I had a vision of my own design
But while driving there I found only  
Vague guidelines
It's  blurred my vision and
Hard to define,
But once It's there before my eyes
I'll breathe it in like a lavender sunshine.

Dissolution.
Breaking down conceptions;
Its has been hard to survive this but, In the end,
I've come to see that those moments of questioning myself...
(Probably just care too much about what people think and maybe
Its time for me to believe in me.)

A cosmic mysticism glittering
Like a tunnel
Of violet light;
Whistling creatures in the trees
By wishing wells, casting spells
Throughout the night.
Soft chorus' echoing, crouching
Behind the leaves.
The blue-less madness of
Being trapped in limbo,
Endless whispers out-of sight,
Dreaming;
Befriending a serpent to outgrow woe.

Edward  Scissorhand fingers
Bruise my supple skin.
I choke back my protests
And softly speak my words
I must like you to break my rules;
Pink floyd playing.
Like sockets well placed
I've never felt this way
Stop pushing me away

These dashing Olympian-like
Prototypes wholly mesmerizing,
Alike a dew drop on
Poison Ivy;
Peacock pinned, chiseled and
Sewn.
Enticing love and war always
Seemed to inspire
Some quiet riot that raves round me.
Oblivious to the silence, enticed
For a certain melody;
All the headlights like
Stars ,and onto a stage
With golden glazed curtains.
Racing the other cars
Like a myth in my own mind.
Like marbled marvels,
Structured out of stone
In grandiose paradises
With a kind of palpable discord;
Rife with morose sycophants
And where diluted revolutionary zealots do roam.
Lights hung like Christmas shine
And dismiss us;
Is it a blessing or
A curse
Falling thick,
Like covenants?
A generation of messed up youth,
Sick and insane,
Seeing through a meek screen;
These gods among us,
Mighty and lean.

I'm alone but don't feel so
A million flakes caught on my sleeve,
Snow plenty under my sneakers like
Powder,
Cold, from the Stars!
A million nights getting drunk off of
sight that seems omnipresent.
(By the way)
I miss our talks as much as I
Miss our moments when not a word
Is said.
Guitar riffs and bass drops,  
simple and sweet;
I long for the twilight hours we used to meet.
Drawn to your humor, all smiles galore;
I sit back, silent, dreaming for more.
Where did you go friend for life?
you seem distant like a long sleep.
I miss you like Halloween;
Like New Years in the wake of a dream.
Ghostly visions of haunts I used to frequent,
With you.

Distillation.
Pieces.
Memory like ravens flight;
Unlike the said twinklings
Mesmerized by
Beings alone
And reconstructed;
Malificent

And I will make believe and sit alone
Again and again regarding the silence as a song
Where do I, or you, remain; am I, or you, a memory
Faded persons in a picture from long ago
An insignia and dates on overgrown grass on gravestones
I'm becoming myself all at once
An infinite consciousness with faded recollections of its origins
Where was I conceived of first?
In the myriad galaxies and stardust
Within the chasms of whispers in another dimension
where time is as malleable as paper cranes
I make believe my purpose for waking up and sit alone
Some no-thing inside remains unknown
Forming itself like a wave in the sea
And the nothingness is watching me
Will I or you be immortal maybe?
Even after we are indifferent to one another
Even after flashes of yesterday disappear
In the grey dawn of today

I chased them away
all the would-be lovers
of mine
Jack's, Luke's, Dean's and David's
I'm left alone to read
by myself
but I can't focus on the words
re-reading sentences
I tear apart mirrors
and sit on bathtub floors
I wind up with a few more
bruises on my legs to count
bruises shaped like hearts
Weeks go by, It all rolls off
the bruises heal up
Then I let another amputate my
heart and the cycle repeats
itself
Running in the dark
I curse all their words
and hope I don't meet
some innocent with the same
name's
Jack's, Luke's, Dean's and Davids
I've chocked myself up
And dined alone
sitting in my black room
Making a semblance of peace
within stormy moods of gloom
I'm not floating but
I still have hope

Peace for a moment over calamity
raging in the gunpowder city
Regenerating a semblance of solidity
These values we crave to shake
Forced to be slaves to propaganda utopias
A secret door behind the foliage
A castle in my dreams
I can almost grab the charcoal stones
with my hands outstretched
Searching for this world on the edge of my dreams
a Nirvana in Tartarus
People tell me it's too far to reach
How do I create this vision in my soul into
something tangible?
How would I bring those lilac clouds down to me?
Feel them under my feet
That stillness, a rising awareness of my faults
stirring like syrup in the pit of my gut
I've been sleeping so long it feels justified now to wake up

This feeling that I'm a zombie
And my mind is burning down
It's like my cruise control is on
And I regret all I've become
Till I've turned my darkness into
Light
And all my sheets are bleached
White
Talking to myself when I'm alone
It's never quite enough I'm
Unconscious of all my blind-spots
I always feel like a restless one
When I've spoken all my cups
And I've dranken all my thoughts
Thinking about the past and
How it used to be
I still catch chills when I drive
Through the sleet and ice but
I smile anyway
Like a bruise that never heals
With more years under my feet
I've got this spark in the dark
And I'm not quitting what
I started though this life isn't
What I pictured-
Wasn't what I wanted it to be
No I'm not giving up I've
Got this spark in the dark
Destiny awaits to be defined
There are no set lines
It's all a state of mind

Words are only words but cause her stomach to turn.
She will not keep silent what belies
Within her
Unduly saturated by emotions.
The vast depths of her despair are as
Unequivocally beholden as
Her coarse sensations of elated gratitude
Lady Liberty with her French countenance
Fails to gleam as vividly.

Striving to be better humored than the weather round me,
Caressing Its cheek as it sternly speaks.
Sick of the mendacity;
I'm ignoring the storms hollowed shrieks.
Are we slaves to sensation,
Donning obsessive ***** eyes,
Who praise the fallen pioneers who stalked their own demise?
Are we all alone and lost inside;
Devoid of all sense
Of foreseeable purpose?
Hushed cryptic words through an emerald mine;
Oblivious to the surrounding eminence.
Can't say how long this will last,
Itching desires, searing deep within;
Continuing backward on this destructive path.
Allow me freedom from my sins-
Let me reveal my secrets.

Your charms and potions work like a spell
I was lured In through your lair
By that star-blush glamour you wear so well
Caught in your web, falling for the
Enchantments and disguises.
Lethal love with ice
In pale veins, you
Took advantage of my fears and strains.
You calculated me to ponder In angst
While all I could figure
Was your face.
A destructive bliss and a horror so sweet;
Over and over like a vinyl on repeat.
Now I wont be here when your awake;
This time you can find some one else's
Heart to break. I'm going to
Leave without turning back and
I'll bet
As you lye alone, older
In the shadows,
You were not expecting that

The Suns a setting!
Nyx will twirl with doom
Inside a shimmering sky.
Cemetery ghosts,
Howling, and hopeless;
Chilled from pearly wings to swarthy ashes
And permeating like smoke became of them.
Death, opaque with an exact scythe,
Pierces thick into the grave the macabre
Strangles me and
Leaves angry scarlet scars on my neck...I'm
Paralyzed like out of the womb.

{Comets and things inflamed,
Descended to Earth and
Became estranged..}

Infallible summer enthusiasms
Proceed to weary winter woes that
Soothe you like an infection,
Rising from your toes.
Your heart has been beaten, stretched, mauled
Then finally broken but you persevered
With few words spoken;
A hopeless wish that stripped
You bear...
That lit you on fire,
A gentle switch called "desire" diagnosed to
Align your chakras.
An empty room other-side a tightly closed door
May feel safe, but you want more:
To dazzle a viewer with a kind of wink!
How'd you do It....
Make him grow!
Make him shrink!
Blazing through a deep dark blanket
That is sublimely wrapped
(And one can sense it)
A blissful abandon akin to
Sliding down frosty mountains; laughing!
Iron maiden sickly motions;
Something harbored is most times stolen while
They turn the other cheek
And they still have a mind to speak!
Taken into themselves
Wine and bread
Still alive-
(But mostly dead)
What remains rusts;
Colliding as we do, the world and us.

Traveling passed
Lookout Mountain
I'm seeking a fountain of youth
And
A soft spoken soothed tone of
Truth
In the balmy high horizon
Passing shadows caressing the
Mountain
Little bright lights in the creases
Along pine trees
Shine like lanterns in the sky
With my fists  clenched around
A steering wheel
Breathing in
Swerving out of the dashed
Lines of road
I like the way it sounds
This place called
"Lookout Mountain"
(Exit 256)

Sometimes I feel like a native soul
Reincarnated to speak peace
Of the land that was stolen.
Is this life just an illusion;
Obscure confusion In a
Consumerist ghost town?
An infinite soul  misplaced
In a nightmare of large structures;
Economic crises among endless
Advertisements;
Surrounded by detractors paving dollar bills,
Sitting Eager, and capitalizing on blistering the
Values of peoples seen as aggressive
To their covert agenda.
A nations indulgent corporate thrills that
People like you and I
Continue.
Along cycles of fear and avarice,
It appears that
We worship our debt.
(And that's unfortunate)
We celebrate the dysfunction of an elaborate and
Cheap construction surrounding
False gods of greed and repression;
And blame some scape-goat for our problems.
Stalked by repressive Caesar's so
Shapeless on naked
Walls;
I looked a little deeper and saw their
Hearts were black. (as oil)
The poison is the promise of
Security-stability-quiet-
Peace of mind- living but
Why must we equate material things with meaning?
Why do we buy pesticide apples In stores that fall from the trees?
Should I leave easy and
Never look back? Maybe
It is time to move on
No need for pauses or applause;
Some land where piles of memories become the
Prosperity that
Money could never purchase.

Lilac breezed wishing for Summer
In mid-chilly-November
My days are like nights there's
No sun in sight
Covered within clouds I
Must use the lamp-light to see
To write about the way these tender
Years twist so immensely
So sad these folk-dreams remain
Unexpressed blinking lost
Laughing at myself
Consumerism-laden land's rights
To passage seem so bleak
Tweaked till the semblance of
Peace settles in
My ribcage that holds
A bluebird tweeting
Unheard
Locked inside the
Absurdly rusted bar's
With all that hype I'm too
Hard-pressed to care you
Know I just
Want to be a freak with
Stars in my eyes and
Flowers in my hair.

Dreams escape the wide-eyed
Changing from seeds to trees
Bees make the honey
And the seasons dye the leaves
Passing through the doorway
Catching on a cobweb
Guess I missed the rain
As a lay disenchanted
Like the wind that caressed my cheek
On a ledge looking down
Wondering just how high up
I was
From the wayward ground
Like a hologram-bodied shapeshifter
Only contained through rhetoric
Reappearing as a prayer in
Some medieval limerick
Thoughts splitting
The crime of spoken words
With no soul
(Judgements)
Opinions about things you don't know
You weren't at my graduation
And you won't see me marry
You picked escape over me and
For that I'm sorry
Dissappearing visions
Awake from some dream
Trying to remember the sensation of
Falling
Blistered peace in a home that's
Burning down
Dancing in the flames
Twirling like a sad clown
Like the conversation on ice
And stirred thrice for charm
Chasing after fairytale's you
Once held in your arms
It's been hard without you
You were my best friend
Looking back then looking
Forward
Hoping to see you sometime again
The cosmos freckled asteroid
Sparks
Across the walls in spray-painted
Words
Gleaming like opal shards on the
Necklaces of wandering bards
Ceasless is the silence
Bruised like a peach
Sharing my song freely to
See how far I can reach
Addicted to redemption
Quiet after the storm
When life hands you lemons
You make lemon flavored ***.

Digging into the recess' of my skull
while speaking in tongues
trying to find an absolution
to secrets I'll never know
and I want to possess this thing
that's deep within my soul
and then I could give it a name
if it could make me whole
An endless dialogue in my brain
that ceases only every now and again
on roller-coasters, or speakeasies,
when it's raining or when I'm sleeping
Dancing in this state of mind
any charm will do for a
semblance of the supernatural or
a moment of truth
or live the rest of my life
with my lids slammed shut
in an isolated existence within
dreams I've never touched
Fresh out of breaths
looking through bruised eyes
hypnotized by my palpable perceptions

At the drive-In
Hanging in perpetual refrain
Coveted underneath calm
Glacierial eyes that sizzle soft
As you're lips are echoing
Hushed goodbyes
Hesitant to turn away when
You push like a cartridge
Against my ribs
I come whistling back to your
Casket easing my
Bruised cheeks with
Fantasies of lying awake at
Night only to listen to the sound
Of your breath dissipating
As you lay next to me

Ingloriously Soaked in red
And blue sirens
On the side of a
Road I've never known
Sparks of dust surround my
Senses
And I'm senselessly being a
Nuisance to the system that
Shaded me
Fostering a sweet eternity in a box
I can never scratch through

Pensive and pondering
Smoking a cigarette on tire swings
Alone
Moments before the sunrise.
Tender notes scream from
Within my amazed mind
Traveling as it were from the
Ashes I knew to be my
History to the
Satellite existence that I
Will know to be my future.

I loved you dearly but we
Died just the same;
Glowing like a gloomy flame against
The salty breeze.
Felt myself disappearing as though
I was in love's sheath;
Soothing pale hands gripping my shoulders
When the tide moved close.
So obliged to suffer.
Just too broken to stray;
Hovering like bats over the cool waves

A clown sad eyes
Make-up-smeared tears
Dripping down as he
Flashes his pearly whites
Smiling wide
He blows balloons and
Juggles too
He walks the high-tight rope
For your viewing-entertainment-
Value
The people love to laugh as he
Makes a mockery of himself
And he sometimes wishes he
Was someone else
Eternally doomed to always grin
As if his grotesquely sized shoes
Were attached to him
But no one ever asks him his name
At the state fair
Jaded jester jokes always
On him

Moments life hits you all at once
You're still here breathing
Alive
And memories of jumping on trampolines or
Sledding down mountains
And face paint pave way
For new memories
Babies, engagements, funerals, promotions
Isn't it strange getting older?
After years of trial and error
Becoming yourself
Learning who you are and
Where your heart lives most
What mattered once seems irrelevant
Letting go of time spent
Wasted
Glimpses of roads to places you
Never knew you could be capable of
Treading
All while the suns setting
And through a series of "accidents"
Through questioning if you're on the
Right path
You've come to a place that feels correct
For no reason other than
The sensation in your chest
Blistered past
Comes together
And you let go of
What's been strangling you for years
That locket on your eyes is wide open
Like breathing for the first time
Releasing all the weight you've carried
In vain to nowhere it seems
Blossoms
You release yourself from the illusion
Of being tied to the past
Time has come to start anew
And embrace those things you thought
Didn't want you and It
Was only a way to trick yourself because
Once that was comfortable
Once you couldn't conceive in the possibility
That you are valuable
And your capable of surprising those
Voices that told you
You couldn't or
Would never
You start to believe in something else
In those moments

In the city streets where
The populace is excessive
There is a restless buzz
Folks flock like moths to flames
Yearning for the smog to
Burn brilliant holes in their lung
The immediacy
The newstands
Springing into the bustle
Is akin to a sunflower
Blooming from within
The dank earth
Like a potion that promises
Immortality
A deal that tastes like kinship with
The source of life itself
Reflected back by yield signs and
Neon lights flashing on the pavement

Swimming in the ocean'
Golden wring around the bud;
Onlookers say you're a mess'
Swimming till your hands go numb.
A discreet beaut with blue blue tempered veins;
Where is your nest?
Soul of a street poet with a bandaged leg;
Do you need a place to wrest?
A harmony without creases
And with each passing face you used to know ,
Synthesized within fluid time,
Was once a place you called home;
Still their oaths and honor would attest
(Lovely lonely bird ,
Ashing a cigarette)
That each one thinks they know you best.
You realize nurturing lithe bones
Like the lady of the lake,
That all in all, you are all alone.

SCREAM!
Let rain weary woes out and on,
Over and over again with words,
Paintbrushes and songs or snapshots.
Insights, Revelations, traces of constellations;
Feeling that which is infinite.
Forever separate from bills,
Laundry, groceries, dishes and co-workers.
Transcendent existence of space and time,
While we throw ***** at pins in alleys
And make love In bedrooms,
On tables, and floors and
Pick flowers in Spring-time.
This Intuitive, all-knowing being let in on the secret.
Are we distant cousins, faceless, nameless, often mistaken as a
Stranger?
Bedecked In glacial relating;
With a laughter like wind chimes!
You know we're made of
Mother Earth's organic substance and
Father sky's astral star-drops.
Same flow the rivers of the world go forth,
Into the same veins, with similar
Dreams (unified voices)
Interlaced like beads on string.
To define us, the source itself,
Is a mystery that
No philosopher could decipher,
No conqueror could find and,
No scientist could discover.

What to write
Whom to think about?
Tommorow becomes today like
Pieces of clay awaiting to be
Played with
I've sunken in my third eye
I've forgotten about my day job
Silence speaks
The keeper of secrets seems to
Sleep
I've done more through my slumber
Than any wide-eyed-far-off-dreamer
I've stolen the sacred keys and
Felt the whole-hearted heaviness
Of belonging to someone
Many someone's
Times seem to creak
As old floors in
Even older housing
Like an ancient breeze
Breathed to life
By keeps
Having a one and only to
Seep through my dreary
Eyes
Tonight's my last night on
Earth
What does one do?
Whom to confide to?
To be amused in frankincense
And lavender
A dew drop on rose petals
Awakened by the settled air
Growing wiser
Breeded by violence
Along a moonscapes splendor
But it's now November
Tides washed over my memory
I'm misplaced in time
And space
Is this all I can utter?
No resounded calls of wonder?
All I've seen
All I've met
All I've loved
All I've hated
All I wished for
All I've  felt
All I've escaped from
All I've dealt
Was I just a vision that grew up?
Learned to wash the dishes and
Lessened the cigarettes I've smoked
The mediocrity as gleam'ed as
The moonshine
Caught in the back of my throat
A longing for the Neverland of
Alice's talking flora

I know once more what
My soul longs for while I
Shut my eyes and
Drift into outer space
The lyrics I hum are
The gospels while
The musicians are saints
The chorus echoes like
The prophecies of angels
And apostles
And the rhythm takes me to
A sacred space
Music is my religion and
Melody is my faith.

Breathe endlessly. By me.
Feel free and inspired, by me.
Touch all over the room;
Sink and swoon onto each-other's
Bodies. Sun and moon.
Listening. Stillness-
Glistening. Real. A
Humored renaissance;
Still frames in my mind.
Try to be our
Own time, graceful, and
Beating like a
Hummingbird;

I am a labyrinth with
Twists and turns
Endless corners of cobblestone
In this dark where
I'm comfortable
Where I lye
Vines reek of cigarettes and
Oranges
And at the center of my maze
Is a black hole that takes everything
Into it swallowing
Consuming
Leaving nothing
Scars on my fingers
Bruises on my legs
Where is the love in this destitute
Palace?

The indescretion everyone
can be capable of  
The transgression of
misconstruing love
Spins by my peripherals
I can't recollect
Flesh, omnipresent
Foreign to each other
It's much easier to cease
the silence through touching
Clasped lips,
hands,  miscellaneous
It's supposed to be fun
sensation without depth of
feeling
Then it's also supposed to
matter with one person only
The constellation of freckles
bespeckled dots on your back
Time spent alone with other
people that aren't you...
Feigning smiles
Laughing like friends
that I will never see again
What does casual even mean
"Casual" seems to mean fleeting
Pulses,  caught in eachothers
breaths
Keeping love notes
Intertwining sweats because I
can't sleep alone I guess
Misshapen puzzle pieces
that can't connect through
any medium except ***
Shadow faced individuals
Ideals of romance
courtship rituals
fragmented by the dashboard
light
Why is there pleasure in
self destruction
ripping our clothes for a
Semblance of passion
Asking to be left alone
feeling like you
compromised someone
with every face you
can't replace the dyad of the one.

A fog
In my head
I just can't shake;
Try to listen, can't concentrate.
Thoughts loud
Alike sirens clashing but,
Left alone,
You'll find me
Dancing.
I shutter, I speak not one
word
The meaning, my point
Drifts unremembered  
I try to move but catharsis sets through;
Paralyzed, In motionless
Circles I spin.
I would cry , I would laugh, too,
Instead I sigh...
What weighty perceptions my eyes belie
Boiling beneath a surface
Self-Imploding on
Accident and without purpose.
Pieces missing to overdue puzzles
Maybe in the Morning......I'll feel better.

Kick it like Kerouac to
Faded road stripes
Swerving through the lanes
Across canyon days and
Mountain nights
Maybe I'll change my name
After I'm faded of my previous
Place
They'll ask where I used to stay
And I'll tell them
My home is the highway
But...
I've been in rooms with the drawers
On the the floor and
Broken glass hiding underneath
The trash
I've been in basements with chalk
On the walls and
Christmas lights lining the
Ground
I've been in backseats making out
To the radio playing
(Hits I'm still humming)
I've gone swimming in pools where my dyed hair turned Green-hued
Walked through stores with
No greater intention then to
**** time and cause mischief
I've swung myself sleepy on
Balconies in a drunken lonesome
I've parked on lookouts gazing
At the patches of lights
Scattered In my hometown and
I've drunken from hoses on the grass
In the heat when no-one was
Looking so
I'll tuck these memories in my
Heart when
No-one is looking.
For when I'm searching for freedom
On this open  road to
Everywhere,
To find life on this planet
I'll lick the stars and sing lullabies
To the angels through dazed eyes
Gas pedal to the floor.
Because see
I have a question that hasn't been
Answered and
No matter what I read
Where I go or
Whom I talk to it
Still remains
This blackhole In my skull
Dribbling as fast
As my wheels rolling to some
Absolution.

Grazing bright On beaten hiking paths by
This incompetent mountain on Moon-night,
Maybe It Is a large hill?
I tread and look down,
Except to glimpse at the moon; Nurturing,
Innately wrapping me up,
Luna-Love.
A swelling, choked-up in my chest;
Hard lumps of e-motion to
Swallow....
(I know I know)
There's consciousness beyond eternal wrest
Of this body:
Twitchy
Susceptible, At times
Bleeding, At times
Sore.
And consciousness beyond decay
In coffins and urns,
Decays whose traces have
Never resolved...
Just glimpses in the camouflage,
Invisible to society...
In pictures tacked to boards in stores,
"Missing".

If the sky falls down our throats
Maybe it wasn't our fault
It's blue whether you believe
In it or not
At some point I'll have to find my
Religion
The clerk said I left it on the shelf
Which I thought was misleading
After shooting it into myself
Phantom beings in your
Peripherals and talking to
The trees
Mistaking angels as
Rustling in the leaves
Potions to carry you through
Mornings of loosing your keys
Stepping in puddles and
Sliding on ice
Kissing those cherry-red
Eyes that perceive only nice

Should I consult my cards
Destiny-picked like guidance
From above
From the stars
If only life could be kind
And smile once awhile
I'm so sensitive like a glass
Container
And all my water is spilling over
I'm this opposite of a charmer
I have no honey for your ears
Only a truth that speaks in tears
And I've taken to a bottle
After spending my years
Concerned with the
Contemporary models
Society hath contrived my
Life should resemble
But I began to crumble
Not comprehending why
These systems have left me dry
Of passion
You tell me there is no magic
No God or consious to pray
To for a semblance of safety
My adult self is in purgatory
Somewhere between the mundane
And death
And I have an escalating self-
Hatred brewing from within
My chest
Don't you see what my generation
Inherited from the would-be
Saviors of the world had they not polluted it within wars of oil?
Don't you see it's a lie?
It's all corrupt and we're all
******?
Conspiracies paved by broken dreams that we aspired to since
We first watched T.V?
Surely history has taught us
Something: Loving
One another Is worth valuing.
It's like our ideals have flickered
Out and
It's something to mourn and
To be disappointed about
So I pray to the universe and
Hope we can save us
As we sit comfortably on
Our phones
Feeling this dazed sensation
That there's more to the equation
We don't know.

It is my theory
If it weren't for the moon
The dead would roam the earth.

You put a light on in a dark
Room when you're afraid
To keep the nightmares away.

Solace from solitudes cruel
Realizations
So small are we compared to
The dawn.

Having you, holding you
Teething you, loosing you
Like I knew I would
Beholded you, breathed you
Shaking you to notice me
Your scents gone but
Your voice lingers in the
Quiet of my room when
I'm alone.
My vision came true
I lost a piece of myself to you
And where you go it goes too
You're like my cat I can't
Replace and
I know I'll never know
The sensation of
You again only the dysphoria
Of your absence still...

My eyes are dim and
Low
Surrounded by shadows
Of people
Sprinkling ash settles
Over the aftermath
Of loud words
Permeating from the
Wall's to my tired
Ears
Words spoken in hate
Agitate in a certain
Way and aren't erased
In the morning
"They" say the end
Is really a beginning-
And that is how
I perceive this lingering
Feeling
Somehow left to hideaway
(The truth disguised)
Faults to our crimes
Hanging in the disturbed
Air.

I heard somber news just
Yesterday
I heard two young men had died
I called these men friends once
Upon a time
He had messaged me five days
Before
But we weren't the same people
Anymore
Strange how the faces you see
About you can dissipate and
Disappear
After every trial and tear a life
Simply ends
Without a great moment
Something vague and undefinable
Stories of how good and how caring
These guys were
And of how they will live on
Even though their smiles and
Bodies have drifted away and
Gone
Made me think of mortality
How one slid on an icy road could Change so much
Leave a baby without his father
What stays is the memory in
People's hearts they touched
But it could be tomorrow
Or any unexpected time
And I don't believe you would
Ever put their portraits or
Pictures away
Memories weren't meant to
Gather dust
Where do we go after we die?
That spark of energy that lit your
Eyes