The child creeps closer and closer
To the fire
Closer and closer
I watch and await
I know what's next
But yet I do not try to stop
Halt
Or warn her
For I will smile as she **burns

Honey
                  You are
So

       Very

                          Lovely



Topsy-Turvy,

                Whimsical

Oh,
                                                But so


Very
                          Haunting

                                                          And
So
               Very

F                         a                            r
  

          Away
                                From










                                                    Me

the able master
the stupid *******
my one and only savior
my worst, and most painful
player

I'm afraid
I'll admit it
I'm scared.

To open up to you
to love again
to be naked, vulnerable, bare.

For everyone I've ever
cared about
in that way

Has hurt me
beyond repair
so I fight this urge to run away.

the moon, painting me in his glow

I, a moth to that flame

I'm so glad you love me
                                                                        for who I am

                                  no make up

                                                          hair a mess
                         & freshly awake


                                              and you still find
                                                        the words I've always
                                             wanted to hear..

                                      "You're still beautiful to me"

For such a basic desire


                                                                           is not found so simply

He fills my eyes to the brim
My stomach knotted with dread
Night after night
Alone in my bed

Oh how lovely they are
Art work in my eyes
I have created
A M(onster)asterpiece

If you fell,
                   starlight

   I would catch you

                                     But,

    You just keep shooting across the sky

I lay my head down to rest
In hopes that one day
I will see  peace

I lay my head down to rest
And pray that one day
I will see joy

I lay my head down to rest
And think that one day
Perhaps I will see unity

I lay my head down to rest
And ponder that maybe
One day I will see *what you see

I can't remember that place
that seemed like                                                                                                    Somewhere
last night. Giving in
giving up, till nothings left                                                                                        inside.
Where do you think that girl
who used to be                                                                                                             me
went? She grew up to be a woman,
worn, tired & spent.
Do you think                                                                                                                 a
heart inhabits her rib-cage?
Can there even be a                                                                                                    little
compassion shown?
What happened to that                                                                                              girl
with a story to be told?
I wonder if she saw me now
if she'd dare to let out her                                                                                        screams.
A scream she kept in
for all these years,
crying two words:                                                                                                   Help Me.

blackness surrounds in charcoal billows,
sleepless stillness
head laid upon pillow.

isolation creeps,
though I prayed its beckon no sooner.

drifting through the limitless, barren lacuna.

metanoia of myself, induratized my mind.
though a beast, rantipole and restless
rages inside.

a quest irenic, and chaotic the same.
two sides of the same coin,
acceptance, and blame.

both
love and hate,
gorged and hollow.

cloaked over every
white pill I swallow.

to go to bed at night,
and awake with morning day.

is it to rerun through
the monotonous cycle I've built?

or to quietly keep me sane?

time passes as the colour of seasons drain
funny how as things change
they always stay the same.

out of body, out of mind
combine dust with ash and rubble
and what do you find?

that you are back where you started
slipping through my mind
familiarity of routines charted.

the train squeals to halt
at your familiar station
I can almost see you standing there,
waiting

but for now
it is just these hallucinations.

darkness coating old shoe prints,
fossilized by mud, a modern relic.

the steady pitter-patter of footsteps falling,
drawn forward, hurried

by the silent calling.

labored breath,
as beads of sweat
trickle down reddened cheeks.

tightness in my chest,
struggling to breathe.

But

I never want to stop

chasing this feeling.

sprinting forward blind,
my feet cracked and bleeding.


no destination, no plan

just the sensation of gripping
my bare toes in the sand.

or feeling the concrete beneath my soles
as I rush head first

towards everything unknown.

for when I stop
I lose the rush

palour coats my fading flush.

for the moment, it's relieving
to catch my breath

enjoy the moment
of silence in my steps

or the quell of my frantic heart beating.

yet the world continues
shift through time

I mustn't stay long

or I'll leave myself behind.

I promised
I'd stop
But now




I don't care






I need
My fix
Now.

I need someone awake at every little hour
To give me some hope when the day surrenders to its nightly power
I sleep only to be woke by sickness
I just need someone to take the edge off

He kissed my scars

I couldn't look him in the eye

*coward

my head spins, and I forget
nausea creeps in
before each sunset.

children age, and pictures grow old
speaking of stories
repeated, told.

empty heart, empty stomach
gasping void nocturne.

the past imprinted on my mind
like old lighter burns.

pain, joy and memories unfold
who I used to be seemed so simple
before my heart turned cold.

This isnt a poem.. I'm just mentioning

The very presence of your skin, sets mine ablaze
Kiss me down, down, down
And hold my gaze

Lithe body structures form
Beautiful shapes while
  They dance to save
    Their lives

But how can I
                          Ever
          Expect
                       That maybe
Your
                           Talent
Will translate

Into
            A
Constricting thing

Such as
                      
                           Words.

You



         Know                
  


                               Who


     You

                    Are



                                     All


   Of




                My



                         Poems




                                     About


          "Someone"


                     Darling,




                                                 It's you.

My hidden passion
Forbidden love
Oh how I so desperately wish to show you
But only if you promise...
                                            To keep it between
                                                                        *our lips

My
            Arms


   Legs


Hands
                      Can

  Show

              You

                           Where

I've                    Been


Not
    


            Only

     Where


The
                   Blade


Pressed

                 Close




But


               Where

The              
                       Needles
      
                                                         Broke
      
                                                                                Skin.

I can't express how I feel.

I wanted to write a sad poem about the black hole swallowing me up from within.

I wanted to express the seeping darkness that threatens me to exist.

But I just can't find the words.

I can't express this emptiness I feel inside.

It feels as if I'm drowning in each of my comfortable lies.

I crave comfort, warmth.

Someone to look me in the eyes and to feel that soul connection.

But every time I feel that pull my mind wanders in a different direction.

Like I refuse to make myself happy, I don't believe I deserve it with this icy core.

I've felt numb for so long I'm starting to doubt that I even have a soul anymore.

I could be surrounded by all of the people who love, care, and wish the best for me but I'd still feel so utterly alone.

Like the space I've built to comfort myself is suddenly foreign, no longer home.

A bystander of my own life.

Watching things on a movie screen pass me by.

Going through the motions just to feel like I am doing something.

Anything, instead of nothing at all.

"why would you ever think that someone wouldn't want you?"

you looked in my eyes with earnest.

"I suppose at one time, I did feel that way, I guess".

~

half-truth, and half a lie.
for I still feel that way most of the time.

I suppose it is difficult for most to see
through my eyes and smiles,
sundress waving in the breeze
the damage that lurks dangerously underneath.

an ugly monster threatens to seep out from within.
runs its tongue along my cheek,
drags its nails against my skin.  

one of disgust for who I am,
I've never loved myself, and I don't understand

why I was made this way?

to wake up and hate myself every day
to feel unworthy of real love or affection
to crave but be so afraid of real connection.

perhaps the damage was done long ago,
I let my foundation rot and crumble
continued to pile brick on top of stone.

from the outside I suppose,
I've built a fortress
beautiful and bold.

I look pretty, sane, and sound.
my dreams as high and limitless as the clouds.
but one step into my fragile mind

and it all

comes

crumbling

down.