Smile, Love; Break again
The same way again
The same ending again
Make mistakes; Last chance again
Get up again
Get up out of bed again
Be happy; Love again
I'll give you a chance,
To let me love again
To feel my heart dance,
Because if I never stopped
Never stopped loving you,
There's never an again to feel that...

I stared at the screen like an addict,
waiting for that flashing light to blink.
The dial tone of my phone's gone static,
waiting for you to pick up it.
I write on the page with all my ink,
and spill it on words hoping that you'd stick
Around.
Stick around like this addiction typical,
I have on every word you type.
Sipping the poison of your lips,
Like these flowing words and lymirics.
I inhaled your breath and puffed away,
Getting high off of every word that you say.
One.
More.
Short.
Breath.
And then freedom...
I didn't even get to taste your lips,
or feel your hands on my hips.
I never got to hear your heart,
or be there for even one single breath.
Instead.
We called,
We videoed,
We laughed,
We smiled...
And I didn't need your touch to know that you,
To know that you were there for me...
But you did.
That was your addiction.
Constantly wanting someone to be there,
next to you.
So you threw away the old,
And tried to find something new.
Stronger than the last,
something to change your path.
A stronger drug,
but you fell back into my texts.
And told me about your lipstick covered drugs,
The ones you said you didn't compare to me.
When you were the only addiction I had,
That I never even had...

He told me he loved me,
Then he left me.
Now I HAVE TO WONDER IF I AM EVER LOVEABLE AGAIN!
He said he would never leave me,
Now I HAVE TO WONDER WHO IS GOING TO STAY IN MY LIFE.
NOW IM STUCK WITH ALL THE FEELINGS OF
EMPTINESS....
                       LONELINESS.....
                                               ABANDOMENT.......

Why did he promise me?
Why didnt he do what he said?
Why am I not good enough for the simple things?
Why?
Why cant he feel these things?

He loves me,
I love him.
Together forever,
Sink or swim.

They say they know me,
When they only know what they want to see.

im sorry your life couldnt turn out like a fairytale. that instead of being loved and cared for, you were neglected and abused. im sorry that love wasnt what you wanted. im sorry that you read through poetry every night to try and make sense of this world. but i do wish you the best. i wish you happiness and peace. may poetry be your solitude.

It's the job,
Its the friends.
Oh so thats why youre such a ***?
This just a means to old ends.
It's the family,
Its the money,
So that's the reason for your stupidity?
Everything just seems so funny.
It's me?
No, it's you.
Well if you'll leave me be?
I'll be happier, that's one thing true.

The first time my world stopped,
Was the first time I saw you.
Moments only last so long,
And soon you'll be gone too.

I'll live hours while the world's stopped,
For this moment not to be taken away.
And before we end up six feet under,
I will live like I'm going to die each day.

The flower stood weary,
Sheltering a small bug.
But the bug grew hungry,
And said to the flower...
"Dont you ever leave me,
For I will surely die!"
He started to eat her petals,
And she pleaded him to stop.
"That hurts? Your mental..."
In her stem she felt,
That she knew she had to help.
For he would surely die,
That he could not find another.
So she let him eat her petals,
Watched him eat at her being.
When it was her time to leave,
He swore he would come with her.
But left her torn up,
I wish I had left and that bug had died.

You said I cheated...
I didn't,
I didn't cheat on you.
It is not my fault your abuse,
Caused my emotions to flow into other palms.
I didn't ever physically cheat on you,
No I didn't have s*x with another.
But I did thinking of whether,
I would be better with someone else.
I thought of breaking up with you,
Everytime you held me after screaming at me.
I thought of a life without you,
I thought of kissing him too.
I regret that with all my mind,
But Im glad I am rid of you.
Life is better without you,
Im glad I never loved you.
So I am sorry for wasting my time,
And with this writing I leave you from my mind.
I hate you,
But I am free now.

Is there such thing as,
Too much...
Too much love??

Some experience it,
In death.
Some experience it,
In life.
But losing a friend either way,
Causes apart of life to die.

Putting miles on the dash,
Or maybe I wanna be on it.
My life's in front of my eyes, flash
Maybe I just need you in it?

How do you know you have found your twin flame?
Is it random and unknowing,
Or is it something thats always existed?
For,
Oh how the first time I heard his voice,
My heart felt like the serenity - in the crashing waves amongst themselves.
And how when I first saw his eyes,
My eyes wished to fixate upon him - at every waking chance they had open.
How when he holds me and touches me,
My soul dances within me - feeling the flame of his igniting mine.
How do I know if he is my twin flame?
For Im not sure of the existance of one or even the origin of its name.
It certainly feels like it could be <3

"Are you drinking water?"
No...
I'm drowning in it.

If you could hold my hand... I'd open your heart and head like a book, reading each word with soft consideration. If you could hold my hand, we could read each others wrists and arms; like a story that is carved in blood and tears. If you could hold my hand, Id never let it go. And we could sit under the snow in a glass house and fall asleep together.

I open up my head,
Pour it on the page.
Emotions they spill out,
Now all are done and dead.

Frail to the point I'd break,
My body is this empty shell.
Fuelled by the fire deep below,
My stale heart beat a gift from hell.

And as my body burns down,
To the smallest of ashes.
I remember exactly how fast,
All this lingering time passes.

I open up my head,
Real it out piece by piece.
Fix this broken puzzle,
Leave my emotions in peace.

Remember a twig is connected to a trunk,
Build this body up stable and strong.
The fire that fuels my heart will,
Give passion and love forever long.

And as my body wears and tears down,
Slowly draining such a life better life from me.
I remember exactly how much,
I don't want to be six feet underground.

Tens of thousands of words,
Yet never enough to describe what you mean to me.

Mr green-eyed, boisen-berry.
Please don't, poison-me <3

And I asked you what is love?
          Is what I feel, the thing I wish it is?
But when love is just,

Let downs                   and
Oppression
Verified            with over bearing
Expectations

                                   How can I say this is love?
          When love has only been torment?
And so I ask you, what is love?

To feel lyrics and music,
Like a soundwave carressing your soul.
To remember memories,
Like a wash of water over your skin.
How one key can make you regret,
And that another can make you wish.
Melodies of memories.

Left or right?
A treat of minds delight.
There is nothing left to write,
Words mean nothing.
Unless specifically ordered,
To mean something.
Like,
Since when did stress,
Become this monster forcing me to dress
Like her because she's liked.
Here's the thing,
Sometimes I think, maybe I can do this.
Just one blink, a moment to quickly pass.
I can do... This.
You know?
But not even if one thing is wrong,
Words turn stress into the monster.
Why can't I be like her?
Why can't I ever be like her?...
Perfect.
But this monster does not leave.
No, sometimes I have to convince myself,
That maybe dreams come true.
And just like most of my happy memories,
That this monster will go away too.
But that little girl inside,
Inside of me, is better off dead.
For she already died when I realised,
People only care about the outside.
Yeah, on the inside she's dead,
Cause all good things come to an end.
Right?
But outside, it's so easy to fake,
A smile, fake a laugh.
Oh it's all a lie, but you ask why?...
Because everyday I have to push away,
my anxiety and say goodbye.
But like a good friend it comes back,
And says hi...
And then I'm scared.
That the whispers will come back.
Just sometimes I think,
Maybe if nothing changed when I was nine,
I would be just... fine.
But I'm fine, you know?
Using my smile as make up.
Just so I can show up - happy?
No, I am still a child,
And the whispers that once flaunted me,
Now haunt me with,
Muffled, misunderstood, murmured, meticulous, murderous, memories.
And what's left?
Left of myself after everything,
That I've been through...
Just lead to the conclusion,
That the little girl I was became snuffed out,
Not by darkness but by others light.
And concluded that all people care about,
Is their sight...
But I'm not much to look at,
Right?
I am but, broken hearted,
Promises,
Broken bones, burnt, bunched in bundles,
Buried deep within my complex,
Mind, body, soul...
But sooner or later,
By one or another,
I will be manipulated to be used,
For man's malicious intent again...
And nothing will be left,
But my minds' midnight delights...

It's hard to choose someone,
Someone to mean and be everything.
Because sometimes they will be there,
Then the memory of them is slowly fading.

My heart grows fonder of you
The more we are together
Even if we're apart

Every second Saturday,
Just like clock work.
That smile you have,
Makes work a little more bearable.
I wish I could talk to you,
And not be so awkward.
I just wish I could,
But all I do is smile.
Just as you would,
And you smiled back...
Again!

I dont know if im more sad that you left,
Or sad in the way that you left me.
I dont know if you actually loved,
Or you just said you did just to not be lonely.
I think to some extent you left,
Cause you knew either way you were on your own.
I dont know why you said you loved me then left,
But I know I need to restart now you are gone.

If I fall for him...
I hope that everytime I feel his touch on my skin,
That it has the same passion and feeling as though the first time.

I want to be touched,
I want you hands on my skin to erase every persons that placed their hands upon my skin,
Rubbing me up and down until the smudges that were left by those who did me wrong are taken off my canvase.
I want to be touched,
I want to be touched by your love and warmth and to be engolfed in the flames of passion,
Melting the ice and coldness from my flesh that froze over from neglect and feeling cold alone in the wilderness of life.
I want to be touched,
I want not only that but to be held in your arms and to feel safe, to feel at home,
Protecting me from those who hurt me or held me down from my goals and my ambitions and from being myself.
I want to be touched,
I want to be felt,
I want to be heard,
I want to be loved.

Life *****,
At least tattoos are better than cuts...

Can we kiss forever,
Just you and me?
I don't care,
If we need to breathe.
Every time I'm around you,
I lose my breath.
So why do we need to breathe,
When I have no breath to spare.
Can we kiss forever,
While we still don't need to breathe?

I've been smiling for so long now,
I almost forgot how much it hurts to cry...