The stars will not align
Everything
That has ever meant anything
Is taken and I'm left with the rind

You can't combat loss
It will touch you
Change you and destroy you
There will never be enough fingers to cross

Didn't expect it to be easy
But this is too much
How do I go on?
The one thing my failures have in common is me

Life can always be worse
But that means it can be better
I'm not that trend setter
The is starting to feel like a curse

©2024

A physical scarecrow
A field of life, me alone in the middle
Stacking another tomorrow
Let's in a bit of hope to barrow

Allowed to live in a place
With maybe just enough space
Between better and worse case
To balance a scenario that's fallen far from grace

©2025

What you get is not always what you're gonna see
There's a me I choose to let no one see
If you see that me let me be the first to offer up an apology
That's my B side, that's the stranger I gave a ride and once inside it destroyed my family
And quickly
I find myself beyond a solitary sorry
The fix is never near as easy as you plea for it to be
Always aware that my grip on reality was secured by the same guy who's loosing it mentally, the workmanship is shotty
I do know the motions to take though and I go through them awkwardly
Robotically emote what I think is expected, a real time commentary
Going live is scary, that's just reality
I've rehearsed my lines so when I do I blend in seamlessly
Neither are an ability I use to be a mystery, well, not completely
I'd rather no one see behind the privacy shrubbery
It's private property but I never enforced it properly
Good 'ol hindsight, always 20/20
No control on this disorder, examples are aplenty, it'll eventually break free then consume what's left of me
No one believes when I say this is not me
Honestly, I don't put up much proof of the contrary
I do try, but these copy/paste repairs are undone too easily
Woe is me

©2023

If I had to guess
I'd say living's my weakness
A doomed quest
From my first breath
Breathing's an utterly useless
Skill to possess
Too easily stolen by stress
The designs a mess
No one in their right mind
Would choose this

©2024

Life is tricky, gets sticky quickly
Been known to present instantly
I'd love my day to day to be monotony heavy
This smile is a forgery
...mostly
My demons are imaginary
...not likely
Every foot placed in front of the other is scary
I've been doing it for 40 plus years, I'll figure it out eventually
Look how easily I lie to me
Do I know anything wholeheartedly?
Same sh*t different day,
And honestly,
I'd welcome blasé openly
Hopefully
I get the opportunity
Sometime before I check out completely
With no option to even maybe possibly
Attempt to retry the recipe

©2024

How much pain in liquid form
Is acceptable to release at night?
What if it starts and then can not be stopped
From bleeding into the daylight?
Arguments are conflicting on whether I should try
It's been a bit pointless, try as I might
I've mastered keeping it silent
And my eyelids put up a good fight
But once that seals been breached
It's often an embarrassing sight
"It's okay, go ahead, let it all out"
"You have every right"
Even with hopeless hope
And diminished trust
I take the bait and bite
Then,
Same as it's always been,
It's used against me
Absent minded with plenty of foresight
"Maybe you need a good cry"
The relief from the release is slight
I know I've the inability to get it all out
Here's to hoping one day that I might
...CHEERS...

©2024

According to this here thermometer,
My heart hit ten minus absolute zero earlier
Impossibly cold and still getting colder
Think...nuclear winter,
Or Neptune in December
Sleeping in a subzero freezer
To be a smig warmer
Now imagine it getting run over
Over and over and over and over
What I'm left with doesn't ultimately matter
There's no chance that what I'm working with here,
The miniscule crumbs collected off the floor,
Will be anywhere near capable of getting the job done anymore
I hope there's no more of this repeat offender behavior in store
I don't want this as my muse or my lore

©2024

I don't trust you
Can't trust you
Won't trust you
And that's on you

©2024

Left alone with a mess to pick through
Searching for a statement true
I don't trust you
Can't trust you
Won't trust you
And that's on you
But I'm the one who's left with all the blue
And yet I still refuse to use the phrase "fucck you"
Shiit, it's all true
Isn't it,
How is it
I'm the last who knew?
A perma-fool
Who's stuck on you

©2024

I put the pasta in the water
And watched the burner get hotter and hotter
But the water refused to boil
Sitting on the red hot coil
Then the instant I walked away it boiled over

©2025

I'm not trying to be all "poor me"
I just write what I know
I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me
But what I feel and what I see is what I show
I know how sappy and pathetic my writing can be
But again
I just write what I know and I know a life full of sorrow
I'm glad that maybe you don't get why all my pieces are a bit gloom and doomy
Just please know
I am SO glad you don't know

©2024

In fits of rage
And bouts of pain
I recall all you said to me
And I pound my fists
Against your memory
Till they bruise and bleed
And I concede
And you succeed
In breaking me finally
But in a twist of fate
That's what it took to be freed

©2024

This "fairytale" I call life is Brother Grimm, too messy for Disney
Separate the good, the bad and the ugly
Or lump all three together and just label it me
Who or what is responsible for this travesty?
Well,
That's easy
Place me in font of a mirror and you'll see

©2024

Little Light Leaches past Lock tight Lids
Lampshades Laid over Living Lenses
Like pulled tight Laces Looped as Lattices
Letting Lingering Lies Loom
Late nights illuminated by Lunar Lampposts
Lighting a Landslide of Lopsided Lemons
Like those Littering Liberated Lands
Lacking any Lucid desire to Leave
Loose Lip type Lexicon Literates the Last Link Left
Leading to Literal Lemmings
A Legion of Like-minded Livestock
Leads to a Leap before you Look Livelihood
Lambasted but Lucrative
Due to Lavish Liberties that Life's were Laid down for
Lacerating all Links to Larger than Life Leaders
Becoming a Ludacris Laughingstock
Just Lowly Lackeys that got Lucky
Lambs in a Lions clothing Line
Ladened with Laminated Limitations
Rooting through and Looting the Leftovers
Lacking any Long-term Learned Lessons
I Lunge and Let go for the Last time

©2024

My own Personal Playground of Persistent Pandemonium
Pisssing People off Passionately,
Playing more than just a Part in their Problem
Picking Particular Pieces to Pack this Prolific Poem
Pulling off a Perfectly Perceived Premise
Until your Placement becomes your Permissive Prison
Poetic justice, I've got a Poetic license,
Permitting Primitive Primate like Procedures
Possible only because Perplexed Principles Prematurely, albeit Permanently, Pick Pungent Practices
Primarily Planning Precarious Peril, Priming Painful Predicaments
Publishing Print on Paper
Pent-up Paranoia Pushing Profane Prophecies
Probably Protruding Past Popular Perception
Preventing Pint sized Pea brains from Polluting People who Ponder their Planetary Purpose instead of Perfection
Parallel Planes Pairing Probable Permissive Propaganda
Providing Precision on Par with Polaroid Picture Panorama
This Pricey Psyche showing Persistence Prevails
But can't Press Pause
So Please hear my Plea,
Pretty Please,
Permit me the Power to Permanently Purge the Piercing Pain
To Ponder no longer the Placated Pointlessness of the Puzzle and Put away Pandora's box
To Promptly Procure my Place beyond Purgatory
As Promised

©2024

Forget her
Don't suffer to remember just to suffer forever, sucker
Lust safer
Rub one out and see if the hunger doesn't expire a little quicker
Cold fire
Flip it 180 and record what's bound to transpire
Loves quagmire
Simple desire will always inspire but ensnare a liar

Shifty empire
Not strange to aspire to be a vicious, succubus, vampire
Almost satire
An enticing lure to offer for sure but unstable as brushfire
Situation's dire
Sooner than later fall victim to the inevitable backfire
Flimsy tightwire
An act in need of fools for hire, speaking to the choir

©2023

Don't ever let 'em see
Don't ever let it show
Men in this society
Must curb most anything emotional
Bury it all, never let it be known
That mental health is what it stole
Stick to the script
Know your roll
Even though living like that
Leaves one barely functional
But you don't want to upset
The status quo

©2024

I can not change a past future
And it's lookin' ever more likely I can't alter tomorrow either
Hell,
I might not make it through today's slaughter
If something doesn't go in my favor
The odds stack higher and higher
Then are topped with a dumpster fire
It's forever getting harder
To change the mindset of, "why bother?"
I desperately search out shelter
To begin another attempt at a repair
Go figure,
Once again it's a hopeless endeavor
It has me grasping at any answer
Like gasping for air
No thoughts of grandgure here,
Just a father in battle worn armor
But a desperate depression's taking over
Still holding a glimmer of hope, just a sliver
And a half-hearted prayer not to falter
While they tell me I can't possibly know what's in store
I beg to differ...

©2024

Waste not these salty tears
On bygones and yesteryears
For moments when the past steers
It often veers
In and out of easily rekindled fears

©2024

This humble pie
Is more like a shiit sandwich on rye
With a side of sty
Now there's a plank firmly implanted in each pink eye
Life's painful, but I'm suppose to be too mocho to cry
No one knows how many times I've wanted to die
Or the number of times I gave it a good ol' college try
Who do you think I am... no really, who am I
I think I'm my own stories fall guy
Fall back on the lie
That I can fix it all with a slipknot neck tie
What's more influential? Good or evil
In my experience it's surely a tie
But between you and I
The devil has more pull that the "infallible" eye in the sky
Call 'em both out, see who stops by
Or even bothers to reply
My money's on the pitchfork guy


©2024

I can not do it, I can't
Did everything one is supposed too and still failed
Wasn't expecting to faceplant
I wanted it, prayed for it, dreamed about it and it sailed
My plea rang out like a chant
Gave up? I played to the buzzer, when the buzzer sounded I trailed
All hope I was forced to recant
Before I knew it I blew it, my loss was unveiled

©2023

Can't take another
New beginning
Of the end
Of the last
New beginnings
Dead end

©2024

My heart gets crushed
And cracks once more
It leaks through from the ducts of the eyes
As it makes it's way down
The carved out paths on my face
I can't forget to remember the painful why's

©2024

I don't know how I can write all this
Know all this
With a pinpoint, laser focus
Tuned so far into,
Most every issue,
I come out the other side of existence
To get a look at if from every angle,
This ain't checkers, this is chess
From biggest
To littlest
Catalyst,
To coroner visits
Call every witness
There's an obvious will,
To one day still,
Find a bottom to this
Accountability,
Twords the top of the list
While I skirt a bit of responsibility,
Let's be honest
But can't fold any of it into my healing process
So after all this,
And after being told it would absolutely aid in the progress,
I'm still a mess
Can't make it make sense

©2024

Tried it
Can't do it
Can not be done
So it can't be undone, I'll prove it

Picture this for a minute
Picturesque hides what's not picture perfect
Don't run
It may pay off to listen to the verdict

Incompetent parents apparent
Cinderella's sisters type fit
Concrete clown shoes
Encased in discount mob cement

Bounced check
Inherited emotional debt
My symbolic account
Won't reveal, just conceals most of it

A Zeppelin wreck
Unnecessary resentment, no regret
I 86'd forgiveness
And I'm not looking to forget

The living, breathing embodiment
Of "The crime doesn't fit the punishment"
"Be wary the quiet ones"
I also embody that statement

I am what they meant
A broken degenerate
And no matter my efforts
It's as permanent as I get

I hope this clears things up a bit

©2024

I run from my inevitable next mistake
Only to find I'm the bait
I'm at stake
Everyone will debate
On why I must participate
Ignoring why I no longer want to partake
I wish somebody
Would have bothered to tell me
You can't possibly challenge fate

©2024

I have to conquer more fear than a mobile home in an Oklahoma trailer park
So yeah, you can say life's violently left it's mark
But here's the worst part
There's no back to the start
I can't be rebuilt after being torn apart
I'm already a patchwork monster, a piece of work but not art
And as like Dr. Frankenstein, the creator is the monster and only half as smart

©2024

Will tonight be the night
I give up the fight?
Come to think of it
We don't have the right
To extinguish our own light
And for those who do
Compassion can be so finite
Gotta wait for hindsight

©2024

Seeds of doubt churn with streams of hurt
Leaving it's mark from brain to heart like ruts in plowed dirt
It all collects and pools, a bottomless oddity here
Who's the capture, who's the prisoner? That's never been clear
Up to the moment life boils over the razors edge
Ribbons of crimson spill quickly, careening off the ledge
You had to have known it's all hollow, must I follow?
Must I always question while you threaten the finality of every tomorrow?

©2024

...and I
I don't even bother to ask
I'm not interested in hearing another lie
So I
I just touch up my mask
A little tape and glue should be enough to get by
But I
I finally realize it's an impossible task
Physical and mental abuse still not as brutal as goodbye
Will I...
...
...
...
Will I?

©2024

I yearn for a chain of moments to be myself
By myself
Just me and no one else
Why then do I put those thoughts in a jar
With no air holes
On an out of reach shelf?
And expect it not to
Affect my mental health
Solitary has it's value
While family and popularity
Can be an overvalued wealth

©2025

No
That's fine
Just continue to lie to yourself
I
Don't mind
I've already removed myself
Proof there's still a wealth of self worth hidden in mental health
I take my love from it's urn then place that, empty, back on the shelf

©2024

Absent minded
Amidst an unfamiliar zone
Heading head first
Into the great unknown
Like a dog
Chasing a leaf
That's being chased by the wind
Into the road

©2024

There's a want to be wrong
Wanted for so long
So long it seems like a folk song
Rather than a foregone conclusion
Just another drawn in lexicon
A childish tantrum replayed like a sing-a-long
'Till the real "want" is gone
And I have to admit I have no idea what's goin' on

©2024

My heart slips through it's ribbed cage
Falling under yet another set of feet
A familiar stage
A loop on repeat
The same dawn but a new age
Always ample cover-ups at the ready
Cautionary over reactionary
But underneath?
Every single forced receipt
Enraged I scramble to free it,
Ignorant of the gamble
Placed on a vague label
One that won't be held accountable
Broken in every way imaginable
Clearly fragile
Watch it unravel
No finesse
Rage and anger fills the absence
Losing the rhythm of life's presence
Leaving hand in hand with it's unique purpose
Taking notice that this will be the last defeat

©2024

I close my eyes
To visualize
A romanticized
Big picture prize
Then realize
To my surprise
It's all been lies
And I have to comfort my soul as it cries

©2024

You hate me?
Great
'Cause I hate me
Wait...
Did we just find common ground?

©2024

I suffer from an internal judgment
I don't need yours on top of it
With this loser title I'm complacent
Save your beratement
Find some other sucker in their mothers basement
To fold into your statement
Don't play games with a sharp wit
Death is my only engagement
That's the only thing proven permanent
Unconditional love?
Never heard of it

©2024

Everything I write is filled with the same,
It's all hurt and pain
And feeling insane
And how I can't stay in my own lane
Continually asking, "what's wrong with this brain?"
While evening else sounds like
Complain
Complain
Complain
It's just easier to remember the rough terrain
And every little stain
Leading me to ask, "why should I remain?"

©2024

This habitual
Hypocritical ritual
Keeps me cynical
The biggest battle's internal
A raging war roaring eternal
To vile for an example
Dying inside is literal
Allowing the visual
To be topically minimal
Though the condition is critical
A pitiful cry for help comes out in a trickle
Subliminal and lyrical
The unusual becomes typical
With the refusal of a label
There's no removal of the painful
Every attempt has been futile
Life is miserable
When love is conditional

©2024

I can feel every eye roll
And all I did was pour out what was left of my soul
Looks like I might be the only one to see it from that angle
Like it's painful
I brush it off and project as being humble
Really I'm only diminishing what makes me emotional
It's just standard business as usual
A series of unfortunate events themed carousel
The victim blaming has become so casual
That I somehow become the spectacle
Put a screen between us and then I bet they'd care though
Convinced themselves I'm some kind of animal
Chomping at the bit, waiting to say "I told you so"
Waiting for said moment from the get go
Was it always the plan to poke at the volcano?
The saying only mentions a bear, though the volcano makes it more...what's the word...I don't know, disasterful...
That's not a word but that's what came to mind cause the mind isn't always rational
Whatever, anyway, on a long enough timeline you're bound to get burnt, we're all flammable
A majority of us are expendable
Not essential even if dependable
Reluctantly invited to the annual shiit show
The HUD flashes on arrival
"WARNING WARNING, CONDITION CRITICAL!"
But we've been lied to before, for example
Take a look at religion and the political
What's actual?
What's factual?
And what's just another game by Hasbro?
What are you looking at me for? I don't fuuckin' know
Try tying it to a white flag and running it up the flagpole

©2024

It's true, I usually don't know what to do
What if I'm not around long enough to follow through?
Never know if my way or the highway is the right way
What did that sign say?
Will it be possible to recognize this impending last day
Even if just a day before it's referred to as "Ah shiit, is that today?"
This is foul,
Where do I go and what do I do now?
And just because I know what to do doesn't mean I'll comprehend the how
Who in their right mind could stand here and say they could handle the architecture and atmosphere of so many types of conflicting fear?
Who's the stranger with the black soul looking back at me in the mirror?
I wish it was clearer
But there's never a gene around ever
Take note that not every question has a viable answer
While some answers only raise more questions after filtering through questionable ******* banter
That's why there's a little manic in the laughter
And a wave of panic soon after

©2024

****** if I do
****** if I don't
So congratulations
You win
I won't

©2024

A flicker of hope
Can light up a room
Or light the abused fuse
Of the next round of doom
Nothing's off limits here,
Seemingly not now,
Though known to many yesteryear
"I don't want to assume,
So what won't it consume?
The people
And nature,
The planet,
The moon?"
It's all going to shiit
It's confusing now
But can't talk about it...
...it's always too soon
So I sit in despair
For death I dare swoon
What I want
And what I want
Threaten to draw at high noon
Center stage of a one man show
Left to dance the art of war alone
Under the light of a pale moon
As both lover and goon
Hoping it'll all be done soon

©2025

Comedy and tragedy never seem to be distributed evenly
Not sure destiny would even recognize me
Nor I it honestly
But could it, would it, should it be able too avoid me deliberately?
Surely if I coulda, I woulda and probably shoulda taken it more seriously
I know this is my millionth apology,
That's not lost on me
I'm so sorry that I happen to be so sorry
If you could find it in your heart too forgive me
It'd be
Just another thing that I envy
Endlessly
For all of eternity

©2024

...I am...

©2023

Listen...
If this goes down like the Christians are sayin'...

Ain't no one getting in and god knows it
That ash hole loves it
He's super into punishment
That and judgment
Those two seem to be his favorite
Bringing true enjoyment
So arrogant he wrote it down,
A confession in print
It's obvious no pastor is oblivious,
There's just a willingness,
A complete lack of acknowledgment
They preach benevolent
All I read is maleficent
All I see is a battlefront
A holy deficit
How he treats his creation,
Love and compassion destructively absent
It's an embarrassment
Secondhand, none from firsthand involvement
Unless you think abandonment is an accomplishment
Or fraudulent is some kind of complement
Yeah, I've read it
I wouldn't have taken it public
It's a narcissistic story of sin and atonement
Punished for the failure of a first experiment
Because one decided to be disobedient
Now ungodly pain will accompany pregnancy,
Fuuck the pregnant
Punishment doesn't fit the crime,
But don't question it
That's how it had to be,
But I don't understand that argument
Does the almighty have a limit?
They say no,
There's nothing he can't do
So,
This is exactly how he CHOSE to do it
And when it comes right down to it,
If this shiit I hear is legit,
Let's see if he can feel regret
Will we
Get any
Apology
For this kind of "heaven sent" treatment
Force it to admit to all of it
Even if it takes an eternity,
I'll have all of eternity to do it

©2024

Behind the smoke and mirrors
Are discarded dreams and futures
Next to the buckets of collected tears
And sound proofing so no one hears
The pain and agony
The curses and profanity
As I try to beat the life out of me
Feeling my will fade gradually
Laughing like it's funny
And should the curtain fall
Exposing the brawl
Shining light on it all
Then I'll
Be forced to make the call
To build a wall
Four times as thick and twice as tall
To keep out all a y'all

©2024

When I say I care little about you
Please know it's the absolute full amount of truth
I hate that I can't scream it at you
Won't forget all you put us through
Just another father on paper, a DAD tattoo
I swore it wouldn't be a preview
Now I look in the mirror and take a swing at you
I try to break through to this other dimension too pull you through
Take back a lifetime that doesn't belong to you
Do my best too squeezed it out of you
Count to three, pull on two, forced to play and pay what's due
Not on queue, but life caught up with you
Couldn't have happened too a more deserving fool, though way overdue
I didn't cling to tissue, I knew I wouldn't miss you
Already grieved for you back in '02
And I knew I'd never let the son of your son know you
Not as a man I knew, not as nothin' but a cautionary tale of what not to do
With both middle fingers to the earth I say thank you

©2023

I'm forced to dam the tears
A practice made perfect through the rough years
Not because I don't care
Not because I can't care
Not because I don't want you to know they're always right there
But because if I let them begin to pour
I can't convince myself I could stop them anymore
There's a nonzero chance I could be crying for years
Long past the pain and far beyond the fears
So I **** the tears

©2024