Finally,
So not all of a sudden but gradually,
It's been proven systematically
Everybody WILL leave me
And no,
I'm not a fortune teller phoney
Want proof?
Well,
That's easy
Follow closely
A quick peek and you'll see
Everyone has left me
The problem is me,
Obviously,
Self doubt has it's very own key
But here's what gets me,
When I want to leave me
Suddenly
That's another something wrong with me
You don't want me
I don't want me
How do those conclusions land differently?
Identical mindsets but yours are worthy
Of walking away unapologetically
Levitating an old issue like I've lost gravity
But still wound up in the devils proximity
Clearly
I'm the only one not allowed to not want me
Love it's self is a fallacy
Someone needs to explain that duality

©2025

I'm a nice guy
So I know I'll finish last
Push me too far though
And find the guy with the last laugh

©2024

I'll be right here
Or thereabouts
Have to fight fear
Endless bouts
Year after year
Who I am is denounced
The end is near
Shamelessly announced
The truths back there
A mute man shouts
Doesn't matter where
The blind will pounce
A future seer
Only raises doubts
The amounts one drowns in
Could be less than
A powder or liquid ounce

©2024

An endless search
For before the hopeless
Prior to the pain
Pre drowning in sadness
It must be there
That rare moment of bliss
I can't FUCCKING remember,
"Has it always been like this?"
A lost sliver of memory
Eerily missing the feeling like a lipless first kiss
The want and drive evident
But before it all, most memorable, there to trigger the fall, my evil twin, Sir Anxious
I tear up as I absorb old videos
Finding the smile in milestones of my son, a present I was pleasantly present to witness
"...ah, there it is,
My piece of bliss
An unchecked happiness
Oh how I miss this..."
But I did this,
I have no business
Asking for a witness
Or forgiveness

©2024

Nothing can rise
Beyond the clouds in the skies
As long as we demoralize
Every imaginative spirit that tries

©2024

Love letters and flowers, sweets and treats
It's all wasted money and time
She belongs to the streets
She was never "mine"
Left her scent on many sheets
Simple as a glass of wine
Line as long as 20 meet 'n greets
A free-for-all free for all, small of her back there's even a sign
How'd I miss that...?
Does love actually make you blind?

©2024

I've fought a lot to get it out, tried to keep it out, but I can not
I scream and shout,
"WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT?"
Even post realization that it's all for nought
Had an ill advised, never properly revised, recurring thought
Form an in home gym enterprise to exercise demons on the spot
More issues to stack like russian dolls is all I ever got
Caught each slow kiiller by keepin' it in house to follow the origin plot
Scrip changes happen often regardless of what me, myself or I want
Zero red yarn supplied, can't attempt a connection with any new dot
I play my part in my story as the man forgiveness forgot
Both what I keep in and what spills out identified as the source of the rot

©2024

"I'll be back" threat or promise?
It's always back regardless
"Stay in your own lane"
Player one syndrome inflates the brain
"Have a nice day" not a curse
At the same time "enjoy your next 24" sounds so much worse
"Here's what you're in store for"
Is what you're gonna pay for
"No pain, no gain"
Different levels of insane
"Yo, I got sooo high"
Careful not to get stuck in the sky
"Pick yourself back up"
More often dumb luck
"First things first..."
Then substance and thirst
"Righting a wrong"
Whether right or wrong
"Gotta play to win"
Sometimes a win's a sin
Who has your back, a friend?
Then who stabs it at the end
"What you see is what you get"
Most won't get it
"Face your fear"
Pretend you don't hear
"Live carefree"
Die instantly
"And that's that"
Always the same black cat
"One step forward,
Two steps back" and cornered
"Chase your dreams forever"
A nightmare's a dreams that doesn't fight fair, so no, never

©2024

If I can't hold on
If I let life slip by like you said I'd do all along
As the tiniest violin plays my theme song
Would you lose faith in me as a person?
As another flawed human?
Or is it set in stone as a bygone conclusion?
I've begun to become withdrawn
So it shouldn't be long
If I must let go I'll aim for the lawn
And you can sleep well knowing you were not wrong

©2024

A lost grip,
Another familiar slip
Running parallel with a predictable confidence dip
Regardless of every other absorbed hit
No one's record is perfect
It was bound to become evident
Taking a toll
Beginning to show
Worried life will dole out more trouble than one should be expected to tow
Stashed in the back of a mind is the knowledge it's possible
Work to avoid the void of a logic loophole that feeds the unreasonable
While acknowledging life cares so very little
About a big ol' white flag run up a pole

©2024

Let me hear,
Please tell me,
Try to make clear
That you know everything
Or anything for sure
And I'll make sure
To reassure
That you sir
Are a lier
'Cause even the son of the maker
Says his own father
Is the only one to know for sure
When the rapture
Will occur

©2024

I do not like it, Sam I Am, I do not like the quite
I fear it when it's silent
Simply keeping the mind busy elevates the possibility the personalities wont riot
As a particular thought client takes centerstage the voices get defiant
Internal chaos runs rampant, so prevalent one finds oneself reliant
Negativity plays with anxiety out in the open in spite of the velvet lined casket
The soil tilled from conception permitted the growth of this poisonous plant
That sprung up out of nowhere, ill prepared, on an almost alien planet
Body longevity becomes insignificant when the need shifts to a mind and soul transplant
Whether a desired life or one deserved, you can't keep it like a secret, people are going to catch a peek of it
The remedy is absolute though illicit, hell, what isn't
The catch?
It's permanent

©2024

I can be the villain that you need me to be
If that's what it takes for you to once again truly be happy
Then that's what's important to me, that's what I want to see
If I can't be that for you then I've failed miserably...

Oh the stupidity

I can play the bad guy, that comes pretty easy
To think love would find me, that in itself was awfully silly
I don't even have the love from my own friggin' family
...apparently no thanks to me...
But to bring you to the reality that it's time to leave me...
...that came all too naturally

Oh the humanity

©2023

Am I guilty?
Probably
We all are aren't we?
Literally everybody?
A rarely talked about reality
But a reality none the less surely
Find it in every living things history
Trying to hide it is silly
It's no mystery
It's humanity
A flawed design set free
It comes with the territory
But the what for,
Now that's a bit beyond me,
Maybe
If I'm forced to go by what I see,
It's exactly
What y'all do too actually
But how can that be?
If you would please,
Explain it to me
And do it slowly

©2024

Knuckles go white as I grip my rescue flair
Read the warning through a blinkless stare
Pressed the thing tightly to my temple,
Count to three,
To keep it simple
Hold very still,
Steady as a thimble
'Till the very last second
Pull away on the second e in "one, two, three"
And release it to the night air
At least tonight the fight's fare
I can't make it to there
If I don't end this right here

©2024

Casper
That's the name they gave me
The intentions weren't friendly
They used it mockingly
Albeit creatively
Because my skin was alabaster pasty,
I was Jack Skelington skinny
And, apparently,
My blond hair and blue eyes weren't manly
So then,
I embraced it and turned it on them ceremoniously
No more Casper the Friendly,
Just Casper the Deadly
Turned to the ghost that gave nightmares to Freddy
Made the devil look heavenly
That persona went at any and every enemy
But now that I'm 40
I've let that part of me leave me
Though it was the only part of me that believed in me
The scratched up side of my flipped penny
...I miss is secretly...

©2024

Anyone that's ever said cash doesn't equate to fun has never had none
They've never had to wonder where their next meals gonna come from
Never been one wrong move away from watching your life become an undesirable one
Never seen a bright future as an attainable one
I'm sure we've all shared a park bench at some point with someone
But has it ever been overnight, shivering, posted up with a veteran ***?
Never been an unsung hero, never feasted on a moldy bun
Never had to decide whether to pay some of this bill or a little bit of that one
Never had a car run on hope and fumes, never relied solely on your heat to come from the sun
Can't see the glass half full or half empty, a waterless situation
Never looked at a gun and thought it the best possible outcome
No option but to literally try to out run your problem
But you can't cause you wanted to stay "grounded" so you cut every tendon
So much tension, it's got ya looking at the knife again thinkin' it could relieve some
Never laied at your lowest point to weak to get up and been looked down on
It's a sad truth how unbelievably common it is to stumble upon...
This, but ignorance is bliss so no action to fix the problem is taken
You might have been one of these people had you walked in a different shoe when it all begun

©2018

...I mean, where do I begin?
Her toxin,
It has me locked in
Open to every sin
A reckless passion
Electrifying the skin
She reminds me softly through a coy grin
That there's no rules but she likes the discipline
So I jumped in
Just for it to be a solo swim
Don't trust a whim

©2024

She says he's hard to handle
When he flies off the handle
So she reaches for the mantle
Grabs a solid base from a candle

He spews venom in his words
She says that hurts the worst
He knows physical violence is what she prefers
Her clenched hands are where the DV occurs

Her screams turns to subtle cries
He dabs her bloodshot eyes
She says, "why bother to apologize?"
They're both tired of the lies

They question if this is love
Compassion and passion
Turned push and shove
They meet cordially in the middle
Only to say enough is enough

©2024

I wish I could wish I was more in the moment and less in the haze of a memory
Find me in a nonregulation tankless sensory deprivation simulation to deep dive into why my history grips so tightly
It's not lost on me that it feeds off of the litany of my bad energy, a never ending supply and still greedy
Can't say it's a mystery, not completely, hesitation is hard wired in on the heals of every lesson in misery
Honestly it's never a surprise, not really, the first complication to arise naturally is my own reactionary jurk of the knee
Even though that's never worked out for me, never seem to benefit any, quite the contrary actually
It's entertainment for my inner dialogue, continuously laughing menacingly as it nurtures this three-ring calamity
And I'm left to recite a sorry apology with the conviction of a hostage on VHS tape through a grainy TV
So why do I do it? Clearly it's not a chosen journey but rather some hopeless, helpless destiny
One I prayed would never find me but it was as timely as untimely could be
And now, this is me

©2023

It doesn't matter how much unconditional love I give
I'll never get it back
I'll never know that feeling
But it still doesn't stop me from giving it

©2024

I find it hard to put myself out there, I don't go out on a limb
To concerned about what people think and say, like "man, look at him"
"Who the **** does he think he is, he ain't no Eminem"
These words never hit my ear but I swear I'm hearing them
"Look at this, another poor white boy from the trailer park"
"Trying to hit his mark and make it big by belting out what's in his heart"
They got no clue money and fame wasn't my reason to start
It began as a way to shed some light on what seemed like eternal dark
One spark was all it took and I couldn't stop this pen from spilling ink
On the brink of insanity aboard a ship destin to sink
Life ******* me like a *****, two in the pink one in the stink
Swallowed a bottle of pills, why did they give me this charcoal to drink
Hmmm, let me think...****
That's the problem, I just reacted, I didn't stop to think
Didn't stop to think about everything I was about to flush down the stink
But the rope that was supposed to save me is now the one around my throat
The beautiful words I wrote now read as if a suicide note
But getting these thoughts out worked better then letting them get my goat
The loose lief kinda saved my life, it kept me afloat
I filled up hundreds of papers, I wrote down thousands of lines
The more I wrote the less I hurt, confidence up and pain declines
The rain subsides eventually in everyone's minds
But make no mistake the beast still resides behind these eyes
It's just these words are like a prize, they put the beast to sleep like lullaby's

©2018

Don't have to acknowledge the sty
When we're all blind from an eye for an eye
~•§•~
There's a broken heart in every lie
A loose thread in every tie
~•§•~
Look and you'll find failure in every try
The hardest question proposed or answered is,
"Why?"
~•§•~
Why does what I apply
End up needing an alibi?
~•§•~
Ignore those that only supply
Some self serving reply
~•§•~
Life is something you can't defy
Walk your own path and fry
~•§•~
Don't worry if you can't fly
Only gods live in the sky
~•§•~
They're probably getting high
Just to f*cking get by
~•§•~
Ghosts can still cry
But the dead inside can't seem to die

©2024

A man with a hundred faces but nameless with one voice
A thousand thoughts a second but one life to live it, where's the choice
Never found much of a reason to rejoice
Worthless or not worth it, the math's not adding up on this invoice

A million phrases, can't remember faces
Thoughts escape the mind, breaking free of their cages
The visual is heinous, it feels dangerous
I can't explain what's going on but they tell me this is only the beginning stages

Time turns pages but they're all reflective, hold them to the flame, more failure through the ages
Dr Jekyll lost, tossed into the void, annoyed as Mr. Hyde rages
Whatever it is, for everyone else's sake, I hope it's not contagious
Stay cautious

©2024

I've been lost in my head, I might outlast forever
I know it's cliche and can play the part of a trigger
But I don't feel safe, can't recall if I have ever
Awake or asleep, it's the same nightmare
Collectively we already know nothing in there fights fare
And the fabric between the realities are threadbare and beginning to tare
I can physically feel the line blur between what's fake and what I'll be held accountable for later
Poetry, to me, is just me attempting to map out every square inch under my thing hair
Behind eyes that can barely show they care
In my fake grin, and between my left and right ear
Taking caution not to ruffle a feather on the ****** of devil's on each shoulder
I'm sure to discover rooms I haven't been in since I don't know when, oh dear,
What's the year?
Whatever
Hey, what's in here?
To dark to tell but oh do I know this smell all too well
Unfairly familiar
That putrid air
Nothing can compare
I'd recognize it anywhere
What we have here is fear
Maybe it'd be irresponsible of me to share
Probably not a good idea to push much further
Clear and present danger
Nothing's properly put together
Can't make sense of the clutter
Extra pieces from every fixture
Litter the ground next to the broken glass from every family picture
Shattered dreams scattered everywhere
I know what it looks like but there's not an interesting story here
I can assure it was no thrilling adventure
But I can not ensure a safe future
No one should witness the part of me, the litny of every nasty memory, everything I was forced to locked away in there
It's my headspace and I'm even too afraid to enter
I thought the scar meant it healed but then how's this door ajar?
What's going on here?

©2024

This angers taking over
I'm a fighter but a loser
Back to a devil on each shoulder
I'll have no one if I lose her
Standing at a crossroad
Trying to remember what I've been told
Not the first time, might be the last
Caught up in the days of futures past
'Till it's over

©2023

This psychosis is flaring up again, most notably with the upper hand
Time after time and once again I find no rhyme or reason
That thought process, seemingly by design, is unfathomably barren
Scared of the transformation I know has already left the station
That's it there, right over yonder, comin' 'round the bend
Resistance is futile, it's a lesson in repetition to keep runnin' with no traction
No huntin' license needed for this "only fools rush in" expedition
The lethal weapon method preferred over the non-lethal stun gun option
As I set up and execute my own personal character assassination
And blame it on what's always been a continuous open season on who I am as a person
Stating it was the residents in my cranium livin' rent free from conception
Leaving out the moment I stepped in and fast forwarded this ****** Doo-Benny Hill situation to the end
You can still see the evidence of the all out mutiny and treason from within
Venomous hospitality, venomous quips, blue lips the reaction to the poison
The exact one found on the jagged edge of the rusty iron driven into broken skin
Just an oh to familiar back stabbing incident, another rerun
A web can be spun but I'm the only common thread...

©2024

Hi there,
I'm Jeremy's insecurity
Perhaps you've heard of me
If you're ever lookin'
For ammunition
To use against him,
Just talk to me
I'll divulge everything willingly
I won't even charge a fee
I'd be happy to supply it all for free
You can even call toll-free
Just dial 1-800-555-6663
And ask for me specifically

©2024

When young
You think you'll never grow old
When old
You forget what it means to be young
And I?
I wonder aimlessly somewhere in the middle

Post quality over quantity
Or
Practice makes perfect?

You left me
With no future
Just the torture
Of our history

©2025

Find me in the shadows
Cowering behind broken windows
Obsolete and useless
Like old Nintendos
Single celled amongst the minnows
Fear the stage, cancel shows
Tattered armor from the battles
When oh when
Will I get to chalk up my first win?
Who knows
I mean
Who knows?
Been trading blows
With good and evils
Gods and devil's
A perpetual looser revels
With a fat lip and broken nose
I lie about it so it still grows
As time slows
Behind a cold wind that blows
New highs
New lows
No,
Reoccurring lows
Kept on stepped on toes
A blade allows me to watch
Oxygen turn life from blue to red
As it flows
And drips off the edge
Of pointy elbows
Not caring where it goes
Never telling what it knows

©2025

I can't believe how willing you are to hurt me
Far more than any enemy in recent memory
It makes sense I guess, I've told you exactly where to attack me
Like where exactly the armor doesn't protect the body
The parts fragile and vulnerable from prior injury
Every single insecurity
Told you, embarrassingly, what I did and still do find scary
Introduced to you the shattered and fractured pieces of me that I keep tucked away for their own safety
Trusted you with parts of me that are barley held together from the last tragedy
Showed you then warned you of the socially unacceptable parts of my personality
Recalled to you the story of my journey from being bullied to becoming the bully
And how I didn't end up liking either of those me's particularly
I watched you with my son and observed how quickly he accepted you and saw you as family
Didn't hesitate to call you Mommy, it came to him then through him naturally
And I cherish that memory because I haven't been allotted many tears that fall happy
I could go on forever with the good, the bad and the ugly
But basically
I handed you a map of how to destroy me completely if need be
Then literally used the last trace of trust I had left on you not using it against me
And well,
It's with a heavy heart I present to you where that's gotten me

©2024

The only thing one tends to see
Is the person I don't want to be
Silly me
Obviously
The fruit has spoiled on this tree
Despite me
Or in spite of me
I keep coming back but leave empty
Mostly disappointment only
Ignoring the warning from the Canary
I can't stand steady
Amongst a broken levee
I don't have the energy
To be angry
Or for that matter, happy
Both weigh far too heavy
Forced to take a knee
Taken from me
Is the thought of ever being free
Of me
Not even a possible maybe
My full name and bio in permanent ink on generic stationary
There's no further in front of me
That's what's really scary
Trust me

©2024

Oh me, oh my, even when I try I lose it all, I've never understood why
Mind and heart ravaged but can't reciprocate, what happened to an eye for an eye?
You plead for a win, I beg for a tomorrow, abused by karma without ever meeting the guy
Every day I pray for one more opportunity to watch the sun traverse the sky
If this is not allowed then please, before any enforcement, explain to me why...

©2023

{revised edition}

Can two people be too broken to know what they have goes further than what's spoken?
Can two people be too broken to hold it together despite every knee **** reaction?
Can two people be too broken to pick the right fights amidst the amateur crimes of passion?
Can two people be too broken?
Yes
And I think that we might
I know the answer whilst holding no solution
©2024

I love you,
I love you not
I love you
I love y...
Wait a second...
If it's not bipartisan
Honestly
It does not matter how many peddles this flowers got

©2025

The only role I ever land is "outcast tortured by the cruelty and pain of his past" I sure didn't choose this path, feels more as though I've been typecast, or maybe I am a *******, holding out for every last ounce of pain before I blast this trader living in my head for the last 30 years off my shoulders, through a window pane, then, just as fast, turn to the vast hole in my chest that once held my heart and press the cold steel to it with the mass of my dread firmly in my grasp, gun fire drowned out by echoing laughs, fulfilling a prophecy of my future while neglecting lessons from my past, the game of life feels less like a game of chance and more like a test that's harder to advance than all the rest and wouldn't you know it, I fell asleep in class and didn't pass, apparently I even tuned out the emergency broadcast. Went and amassed a losing record that'd be impressive if not for the direct contrast the win column presents and the enormous shadow my downfall casts. Harassed by the devil on each shoulder, I thought that maybe once I got older, if I could just stay on task and remain steadfast, I would be able to open a can of whoop a$$ and trespass the evil within this house of glass but alas I must telegraph my every move or they've seen a future telecast because they lambast each strike and I'm not sure I'll outlast these issues, I'm gassed, plus, problems have started showing up in mass from a much higher weight class, they must have bypassed the weigh in process but I've always known who the deck was stacked against, hence why I never win, I only survive and my methods would flabbergast most, the truth finds it's way to the surface and I find myself aghast, crying like I've been teargassed with no gas mask but I've surpassed the point where waterworks will bring forth empathy, gotta own my involvement in the crash, volunteer to take out my own trash and this time I'll throw my pain out with the bath water and be free at last...free at last, free at last, no thanks to god almighty I'll be free at last

©2021

With the flippant fear of a proudly clueless onlooker, another forgettable observer
I stare out over the breaking waves to see if I can't see a few things clearer
In a sense in search of innocents and the essence of this monstrous heckler I've been entrusted to not only tame but conquer
Maybe find bits and pieces of meaning here or there for this opaque character and it's seemingly insignificant blip on life's radar
They say all of our lives are important and as a whole they are, for sure, but A life, singular, doesn't even measure
On a timeline reaching back past the beginning of forever to the outer limits of what we know so far it can't possibly matter
Somewhere in there is an answer but I swear, don't let it be just another jump scare
I can bare no more, take me outta here becomes the newly revised prayer screamed into the ether
I'm not the star here, nor did I properly prepare for the cameo roll in my own B movie disaster picture.
I've done what was asked of me even when not fare, even as the nightmare went unchecked, haunting my every endeavor.
If this is expected to go on for the foreseeable future how much of my downfall am I going to be held accountable for?
Every battle the same as the one before, it can be torcher but y'all clap with the desire for an encore
Like your entertainment and the roar of the crowd is what I'm just barley holding on for
Then the face of an absent father figure puts a untimely hand on my shoulder, a whisper of congrats for making it though yet another war
That's every **** day sir, so excuse me for not going out of my way to carpe any of those diems mother fuucker
At the same time
I was so sure that I was finally able to procure the mindset to endure my own lour
But nobody seemed to eager to tell me that reality is a relentless attention *****
Making sure to hide the shore and provide only a broken ore to navigate a sea of insecure insecurities hell bent on devouring my core
Can't help but to take a little more than a fare share when there's so much dispair and dispair is their preferred flavor
And that's what I'm in store for, give or take some gore just to mitigate the bore
Remove all signs of the cancer and watch the stock soar, can't prosper dragging a dead weight anchor
Cut ties and wave goodbye to the failure, take out the pinch hitter cause that personality wasn't any better
A life changer for the better, now willing and wanting to keep score as a reminder of how bad it was before
Never again let the dark passenger take the wheel and steer, unless it's to steer clear
Forget looking backward, remove the rearview mirror and note the side mirror as truth, the atrocities are far closer than they appear
Tossin' small bits of anarchy out the driver side window, flipping the bird and quoting the Raven, "nevermore."
But I forgot why for

©2022

Let's talk honestly shall we?

It's easier to have a face to face with the devil
To communicate with the dead and summon evil
Draw a circle, scratch a pentagram in the middle
With a flame dancing on the peak of a candle
Flickering at the outmost tips of the symbol
Sandle wood incent lit, hit a gong or crash symbol
Then a little rhythmic hum to conclude the opening ritual

Pretty simple

The theatrical aspect varies culture to culture
But the critical structure, the essence, the flavor
The nature of "just call and I'll be there" is there
Let's be honest here, you don't get that with prayer
You'd have better luck with a comatose soothsayer
A blind palm reader, or and end of days sandwich board holder
The one on the corner screaming about unspeakable horror

Just think about it

What do you got to do to talk to your lord and savior?
Is his policy open door?
Does he have your back while going through your personal war?
You're trying to survive the unjust life he made and you're in store for
He just stands back and tallies the score
"IF YOU WEREN'T GOING TO HELP THEN WHAT WERE THE EXTRA SET OF FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND FOR?!?"
This is straight from his written lore, though purposely vague on what's real and what's a metaphor

What are the odds you're right?

He designed you to never be able to directly interact,
Explain that
It's a wildly overlooked fact
Infact,
It's what knocks his believability off track
You look at him and you go blind as a bat,
Why would he do that?
His voice will cause your ears to bleed if your head doesn't explode on first contact
He didn't have to design it like that!
The only answered prayers are those of musicians, athletes and the beautiful people who can act
The rest of us? Good luck Jack
If he hears your prayers then most of the times he's just like, "naw, fuuck that."
What's up with that?

Pretty convenient

©2024

What I wouldn't give to be normal
Well,
Let's be real,
I know nothing about normal
Is there an actual definition that could be written in a way to make it simple?
I've tried to define it but I don't think it's possible
Forcing this to be rhetorical
But here we go,
What is normal?
All I've been able to conclude is it's normal to question what's normal
Other than that though,
It may be undefinable

©2024

The tiny tears dry
But every
Miniscule memory
No bigger than a single,
Thoughtful penny
Resides in the residual
The old me?
A buried time capsule
It gets so heavy
As the new visual
Builds up quickly
Until you
Don't recognize who you
See looking back at you
In the rearview
You're not too
Be looking at anyway
All you see
Is all you've gone through
And it's not visual trickery
You know it to be true
You feel the change inside too
Within the replaced imagery
You can no longer find you

©2024

I stay silent
Too often my own words betray me entirely
I keep quiet
To eliminate any possibly of my past tracking me
Must calm the riot
Internal conflict in turn turns reality iffy
Must stay strategic
My mind gets creative trying to beat me down completely
Can't be complacent
Not while losing my footing on this plain of reality
There's no enjoyment
Living with a cranium teetering on the brink of insanity
Fear becomes a constant
So it never occurred to me these walls shouldn't be up permanently
I remain hesitant
When there's no certainty I can take down these walls safely

©2024

Docile and tame,
A king slain by his own sword
Self inflicted pain
My shelf life would be considered inhumane
A body originally set to be a temple
Is now unlivable domain

©2024

Everything I can't show is what's going to put me right back in the hospital
This blatant cycle of denial is far beyond getting out of control
The pileup looks physically and mentally insurmountable
How can one person run into so much trouble?
It's unmeasurable
Eyes forced shut, but it's not always safer in there, alone and vulnerable
Behind a pane of pain, only view is through this soulless porthole window
Find it hard to dream when life itself seems just about impossible
I've lost control of this roadside attraction freak show carnival
It's too much to juggle,
And that's why I struggle

©2024

Hope is out on another untimely vacation
Causing a slight hesitation upon recognition
'Cause this isn't the first occasion
Even when only halfway paying attention
I know what's comin',
Probably should have run
For all the good that ever done
Keep an eye on the horizon, just south of the setting sun
You'll hear the invasion of a negative persuasion
Long before they let you see 'em
And you'll notice, there's no record of a single recorded win
From all the way back since I don't know when
And all I can confirm is that there's never been

©2024