The look you gave me reminded me of
when you found out about the boy
at space camp.

It reminded me of when you sent me the
message saying, "I'll call you when I get home."
And then you proceeded to angrily cry and
sob in your room over FaceTime with me and
ask over and over again,
"How could you?".

It reminded me of the look you gave me that made me realize
that I had messed up so badly.
I had ripped your heart out
and when I realized that,
I wouldn't have blamed you for saying goodbye to me
right then and there.

You didn't, and I know you regret it.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what else to say.
I'm still here wishing I had made better choices.
I'm still wishing that I had held you closer sometimes, too.
You probably regret it all.
You'd rewrite that ending, wouldn't you?

God, that look...that look.
I pretended like it didn't break my heart
but I can promise you that it
did.

Walk with me, this loneliness is like a drug, the more I take it in, the more I go numb.
It starts with my eyes, you held my gaze
Next my heart close to yours
Then my hands on your chest
Our bodies align like stars in the sky
This is all erased as quickly as it comes
But now I need another taste
As my mind betrays me
And you flash,
Just a brilliantly as you came
And are gone again

Stay in the ravine
Where it's safe and calm

The more you get to the top
The closer you get to the brewing storm

I warn you
Trying to flag you down

It's not safe up here yet
But your willing
Because at the top is me

You'd trek through the soaking rain

Fight through the deafening wind

Hike through the blistering cold

Do whatever it takes
Because my heart is what's at stake

But be careful
Up this high is slick

If you get to close
You just might slip

One day here
The next one gone
I should've known
I should've known I'd again be alone
Again
...
Again
...
Again
....
Will it ever truly reach an end?
Or is there nothing I can mend?
Where did I go wrong,
What could I have possibly done?
Even though it's been so long,
I did nothing to make you turn and run
Now I'm alone and you're long gone
And I can never tell you that I'm just done.
For that you'd have to be around
But when you left my heart fell to the ground

You are the hole that is filled
with the optimism of forgiveness.
I am the shovel that fills the hole
with my rushing trials of pessimism.

One day soon, I will not wake up.
At least, not in the mortal world.

You speak of upcoming glories,
that you intend to always pursue.
I drown your flames with the
exuberance of a determined mind.

On the day I die, carry on with
your blue skied version of life.

Renew the world with your
immortal songs of happiness.

You touch the hearts of people
with your eyes of sparkling hope.
I cover those eyes with tragedy
that permeates my dim perception.

Graves are empty holes, where the
body decays but the soul is gone.

Do not change your views, keep them.
Allow me also to keep true to mine.

Perspective is individual, you know.
Holes are as deep as they need to be.

I wish I could carry on and be on my way.
But the burning in my heart won't fade away.
The way that you are won't let me forget.
You are as colorful as a West Texas Sunset.

You're always on the move and can't stand still.
You are never satisfied and can't get your fill.
But loving you is something that I'll never regret.
The colors of my heart bleed like a West Texas Sunset.

I don't even know where you are this very day.
But my love for you will never completely fade away.
There is only one you more that I'll ever expect.
And my heart stretches further than a West Texas Sunset.

I know you're riding on a horse with your long dark hair.
You will always keep riding until you reach the thin air.
The pieces of my broken heart I will gather and collect.
And my horizon will be wider than a West Texas Sunset.

Once again I became ****** up
Didn't want to but nobody held a ******* gun to my head
I was asked if I wanted a mix drink
And I said sure why not
Why the **** do I relapse all the time?
Something is stopping me moving forward
And making a good life for myself
I forget how much I drank to be honest
I ******* drank a lot
Then to add on top of it I just took my afternoon psyche meds
Anyway, I blacked out later on through the day
I came to with my next door neighbor ******* my ****
I didn't ask him to do that
I pushed him aside and grabbed my cds and ran outside
I went to my place and passed out again
Now all these ******* emotions are coming to the surface
I want to run away and forget it all
I want to drink over this so badly but I know I can't
Once again alcohol has left a bad memory in my heart
If only I didn't go over to his place
If only I didn't drink way too much
Now I can see the child within myself
Crying to find some ******* closure
Asking my older brother why
Asking my next door neighbor why
Now it's all falling to pieces
I can let it take me
But I am going to ******* survive
I'm not going to let it beat me
No, I am going to ******* beat this
And come out on the other side a better man