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We are looking for reasons to look at each other
Like the rain wasn't already enough to incite our souls
Like the oceans weren't vast enough to make us question
"What exactly are you trying to avoid?"
"What exactly are you running from?"
And our need to find exact representations of what we are trying to say
when the weight of the darkness is heavy and the pressure in the air
like the tension in our lungs isn't already enough
Because describing the ocean without considering
rapid currents and forces pulling us in the direction
that drives us away from one another
Walking in silence trying to avoid the clump
in our throats when the nothingness of all things is aching
Reaching out but not searching hard enough
not looking at the longing like it's the only thing holding us together
"What exactly do you want?"
"What exactly are you trying to fight?"
When you're close to what you want and you're separated
by blistering tornados that want to blow you into smithereens
Like you hadn't already tried running only to realize
you were running from yourself and your secrets
Thinking that maybe you weren't trying to convince yourself
of things that you're not even sure you understand
Because understanding means letting go of
the things you never once believed until now could be yours
"Where exactly will you go?"
"What exactly do you want to see?"
And the exact measurements the seamstress
tried to tell you about burn your eyes
The stinging in your hands and the burning
of trees isn't going to reduce the danger factor
in looking for cracks in fine China
STOP RUNNING.
STOP RUNNING.
"Do you have anywhere to go?"
"Do you have anyone to run to?"

(m.e.)
I drank once,
from the deep well of sleep
when cool waters refreshed this parched earth,
now barren without nourishing dreams.
My worries grow futile shoots
in the hardpack, they wither and die.
Ashes scattered dryly
fuel further frets.
This drought is not over.
Today I feel the weary from a night made sleepless by worry.  This poem sums up how stark my worries seem while the house is alseep.  Insomnia is a cruel mistress who deprives me of the luxury of vivid dreams.
you take your morning coffee black,
and i cannot see the appeal in the bitter taste.
you start the day with nicotine, whether that be
cigarettes or cherry-flavored vapor.
you are a bad influence on me, you made me
addicted to the stuff. your eyes are
an ocean. they have seen so, so much.
your face, your body, your mind, all sharp angles -
i have learned how to safety proof myself
from your jagged edges. you, my love, are
a rose. your thorns make my limbs bleed,
and your beauty works as a band aid.
i have learned which places our bodies can
interlock comfortably. the crook of your neck,
my head against your chest, i wish i could melt
our bones together, into one perfect structure.
you were sculpted from dystopian stories, yet
you are alive, you are a tangible utopia.
tangled in the darkness, we mumble sweet promises
and careful secrets. these bed sheets safe keep
us from a world where i love yous can
never last. dear God, let this last.
I'm swimming in an ocean,
far out to sea.
I've lost all magic potions,
to help me just be.
And when I'm scared
I close my eyes.
I picture a time when
everything is going right.
And...suddenly...I...see...

**Everything I could want, I will already be.
This catchy tune stuck in my head over some hummus.

— The End —