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In the world
but
not of the world
open to
insecurity
putting fear in me.
attachment
causes
reaction

you must dive in
to begin.
Life is only lived,
by experiencing it all.
within

BUT
there is importance
in these imperfect ways*
there is true beauty here
in this world of sin,
for without it
God's work
would have
no where
to begin.
lessons are never over.
I feel like I'm boring you with my stories.
I feel like I'm boring you with my attempts at making you laugh.
I feel like I'm boring you with what's going on inside my mind.
Instead...
You want to know my bra size.
You want to know my favorite ****** position.
You want to know how far I'd let you go.

And I tell you. I tell you everything.

It's funny how obvious your intentions are, yet, I still have this slither of hope that you will realize my brain is more interesting than my ******.

But, until then, the color of my underwear is black with polka dots.
What about yours?
No matter how hard I try, I'm always going to make myself desirable to you. Even if I know I'm better than that.
I am screaming so loud that it is silent.
My rage is burning, seething and violent.

My deafening cries in the dark go unheard.
All the words that I speak are seemingly slurred.

Thoughts are charging at a rapid pace.
The darkest of them all winning the race.

I cannot stop my mind it's on automatic.
I just want to hear white noise; simple static.
Smiling* on the outside
Crying on the inside
Everyday I smile
But it's just a way to hide

Laughing away the hurts
Cutting away the tears
Smiling at a way to
Forget all my fears

Dancing till I bleed
Inside my head I scream
I can't take this anymore
Only Smiling in my dreams
Sometimes not having
The responsibilities
Of being grown-up
Is better than those times when
You can rule the entire world.
Your pain has
reached across the miles
I know you are no
stranger to grief -
I know no words
to bring you comfort
Just know...
Despite the distance
you are in my thoughts
Despite the distance
your are in my heart
I hope to bring
you a moment filled with joy
Despite the distance
there is a place in my heart
that only you can fill
Despite the distance
please know
I love you!
10/29/2014
For my best friend who
lost someone she loves
 Oct 2014 Beebz The Queen
hannah
the leaves were falling
the way i was falling
for you. //
h.d.
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