Summer meant
swimming and no school
but now it means
burning alive
outside
so I hibernate
indoors
in this air-conditioned house.

There's a distance here between us, perhaps its safer that way
but every shared moment a laugh or smile
our fingers nearly touch
Its all so delicate, would you not say?
we balance on a spiders web
to fall or fly
to fall or fly

what even is love?
are we too young to know?
It all seems so tarnished and unclean these days
I'd rather keep my heart to myself, you know?
The clinton cards and teddies emblazoned "you're the one" just so artificial, so unreal
to step into a world of cliché does not enthral me..
perhaps I was not meant to love another
in this world of safety, the risk seems too steep
yet so tempting...

oh, but why must we complicate friendship with the longing to love?
it is merely human instinct?
we have no need to wallow
we're young,
we're free
why do we waste our days pining
we're no Romeo or Juliet,
no star crossed lovers
some days I'll choose to distract myself

but I miss you when we are silent
my mind walks in circles, hand in hand with your name
my hearts used to a lone routine
it wants to be pulled, to change change change
this is just another midnight poem,
is it not?

A close one once told me,
he must appreciate that you read
for a girl whose studied the literature of love must be deserved
did you know I've read it all?
the words, the sonnets, the songs
its less personal to read of other loves,
instead of write my own
this was never meant to sound pretentious,
more a babble of words to a stranger

if I told you I'd loved you
would you have known all along?
sometimes I cannot help but wonder
I'd prefer not to know

oh, the temptation to hold your hand
when we walk together
it seems an impulse,
a body's natural instinct to reach out, to hold
I trust my head to tell my heart No.
it's all too delicate, too close to home

its easier to keep silent
to let the moments between locked eyes,
be locked away in a box
I'll keep my shaking hands to myself
its safer, safer
I've always played by the rules
I only want a friend, a special one
but it would be unusual for friends to hold each others hands
oh, how annoying it is that everything has to have a reason, these days
there's nothing a fact can't explain

is it okay to say, I just can't say
the correct words
even correct grammar escapes me
you of all people would correct me...


the head says
play it safe
it's enough to
be the friend, the brother






but sometimes, my heart wonders,
if i sailed away,
would you call me your own true love?

Stop,
Sending me letters saying you care.
Stop,
Leaving me messages saying that you love me.
Stop,
Checking up on me saying; "You're worried.".

I,
Don't care about the words you write
To make yourself feel less guilty.
I,
Don't care about the fake pain in your voice you use
To make me feel guilty.
I,
Don't want to pack my bags
For that needless guilt trip.

Stop,
It won't work.
I,
Won't come back.

I see her
I’m ignored
She’s looking for something
She’s look for nothing
Nothing she can see, anyway
She’s frustrated

She’s beautiful
I want to touch her
But I won’t
I want her to smile or make her smile
But she won’t
I want to ask her about her day
And we’d talk
Together
With drunken smiles on our faces
But we won’t

We’ll walk by each other
I won’t smile
I’m jaded
She won’t smile
She’s afraid

She starts crying
And they’re not healthy tears

She can’t hold on anymore
Everything has let her down

The world isn’t what she thought it would be
It never is

She wants to die
I don’t blame her

If she wants to jump, I won’t stop her
That world must be less painful than here

If she has the courage to see what’s on the other side
I’ll stay here
I’ll wonder how it went
I’ll wish she would’ve stayed
So we could’ve met

Her crying quits, abruptly
She goes back inside
I know
There’s no turning back

For the next few minutes
I anticipate IT
The acid
Loud
Crackle
Of fire
Steel
The walls painted of sanguine

I want get up
Go over
Kick down the door
Stop her
Tell her that there’s something
Something that’s worth it
Something pretty
That some things are beautiful
That somewhere is beautiful
That she should just
I don’t know
Not get scared

I won’t think any less of you if you decide you want to though
But not everything is completely hopeless
At least I’m not, anyway

I want to save you
I want to make you happy
But I won’t

How do you explain

to your children that the

horrors of the world are real?

How will I tell my son, We

found a place you can call home but

your bus might not make it to school.

Do not look too Jewish in this part of town

Do not play in the train station

Do not get used

to the weight

of a machine gun.

Or look my

daughter in the eye and say, someday

you might say “no” and someone stronger than you might

not listen

You will not tell me

Know that this happens a lot

Know that your wrists pinned against a

backboard will

echo in the way you move your hands

for as long as you let it

But

human hands aren’t as heavy as metal shackles

And I’m so sorry

but I won’t be able to

take the weight for you

You’ll wake up in the morning

That I can promise you

You’ll wake up

and your lungs will fill with air

whether you tell them to or not.

One day

I will hold someone

small, with my face

and they’ll cry and I’ll say,

*I know.

I know you’re tied with little yarn strings to the last life

I know it hurts to be here and

(honestly)

you’re never going back

But

the older you get the less you’ll remember

what it was like

before you had a body

when you were made of ash and infinite light

You’ll convince yourself you live here and

that your hands are you,

But remember that once you were boundless

Inside my body, without yours.

The room spins with an awkward intensity
As I find myself (once again) questioning what is real
Fearing that time will steal another moment
From my consistently weakening grasp
Unknown forces pillage my thoughts
3:00 am
Ideas jump from my mind like suicide bombers
Burning and fizzling as they plummet to the ground
Confused by my feelings
And confused by the world
I ***** emotion onto a page
Hoping it will save me from being broken
But words cannot contain
The run away
Freight train
That is my soul
On fire and restless
Far too tired to sleep
Way too hungry to eat
Too thirsty to drink
Too everything to think
I mean what I say
But I can never say what I mean
So I stare a the T.V. screen
Hoping it will make me normal
Or at the very least numb

Goodnight Red Balloon

There was a time,
In this place,
Where everything was as it should be,

Then you came along,
Shattering hopes as you went,
Crushing spirits as you left,

And you wonder why,
No one ******* likes you,
Because you are simply impolite,

And no one can please you,
Because you never know what you want,
And you wonder why,
No one likes you.