I forgot what it felt like to be wrapped up in you
I forgot for too long
So I thought I was fine and so I picked up the phone
and then you were you and I was you and we were us again
and you wrapped me up

and then you let me go

and now i can't stop shaking and i'm closing my eyes because the world is moving too fast and i just want one of our infinite moments to last

but the damage has been done. just be gone.

I've been lying and even though it's only been in the poetry I write and the songs I sing I felt it would be right to explain the reality:

My life will go on, even though you are gone.

My heart won't stop it's rhythm in my chest and I will still wake up each morning and get dressed
I won't put myself to sleep forever before the next day this isn't Romeo and Juliet for Christ sake

But it won't be living like life's meant to be lived
And this is where my words start to be misunderstood

Everything feels colder now and the world it seems is fading to grey

I'm not dying because you're gone
I'm not living because you aren't here

and now she's not sleeping because the threat of nightmares is always there. It used to be that after a day of distress and pain and cruelty she could look forward to dreamland where she could sleep easy. But you took that from her every time you visit her mind as she lays her head on the pillow just trying to unwind. So she pulls herself out of bed and downstairs to put another *** of coffee on and prays to God that tomorrow will be the last dawn she sees because she's ready for eternity. After everything she's seen in dreams and reality, you've pushed her to look forward to the eternal long sleep.

"I know you love him, but he's broken you so many times. I don't know if you'll always be able to put yourself back together."

-bcg (the lesson we never quite learn)

i saw a movie last night that reminded me of us
strangers to lovers to friends
miles between each other
and a long beautiful goodbye

but then the movie ended
the credits rolled
and i stared at the black screen for a long time
because i was waiting for the explanation

i don't know what's next
i don't know how to pick up the pieces
i don't know how to not have your shoulder to lean on
i don't know how to exist to you only in a little screen and speaker
i don't know how to do this

but the movie ended and it was time to go home
so i’m left in a sea of “i don’t knows”