hollowed out and filled with rocks,
you found me just in time.
broken down and torn apart,
so that something beautiful could
***** from the shattered remnants
of a worn out, run-down life.

[pills rattling]
[water running]
[muffled voices on television]
[exhales slowly]
[ominous music]
[breathing unsteadily]
[melancholy orchestral music]
[door opens]
[gunshot echoes]
[demonic orchestral music]

tell me i'm a monster, as if i didn't know.

the harder you hit
the more i want to prove that i can take it.
the bruising is expansive
and the canvas is almost full.
strangely,
my single fear is that you may switch gears
and choose a new medium with which to shape me
into exactly what i told you i would never become...


--your tragic masterpiece.

i proposed to my mother that she start mixing water into the milk,
because nothing in our lives has ever been whole.
she poured it down the drain.

sweet tea and you are synonymous in my mind.
the taste is just right-- although,
overall,  you are both unhealthy for me.
yet i add another sweetener,
and i call you again.

i am unattractive, and i know this.
it's because i can't make myself smile.
it doesn't feel right.
i am unattractive, and i know this.
it's because i can't laugh like i used to.
what is there to laugh at?
i am unattractive, and i know this.
it's because i haven't forgiven him.
i wear the hurt on my face, and i know this.
it's because there isn't room inside for the hatred.
i am unattractive, and i know this.
it's because sometimes i just can't believe that i'm worth it.