shaking hands and shallow breaths
choking on self inflicted tears
drowning in thoughts of yesterday
fearing i'm not worth tomorrow

a brain dead nothing
aimless with nowhere to be
lost in the madness of my mind
eaten alive from the inside

gathered  t o  g e  t h e r
don’t you feel the  c o n   n e c t  i o   n?
side by side so  c l   o s  e

safe inside soft shades
a cotton candy caress
dissolved to darkness

crisp chills come creeping
goosebumps gather on my skin
stars scream in the sky

i'll call it a night
lying lonely, hit the lights
somber 'til sunrise

one thought, two thoughts
three thoughts, four
lately i've been thinking
what am i even good for?

five thoughts, six thoughts
and many more to follow
i forgot what being happy is like
what a hard pill to swallow

ten thoughts, twenty thoughts
then the room starts to spin
where do i even start
will my life ever begin?

happy thoughts, happy thoughts
at least that's what i tell myself
but sometimes it doesn't work
and i can't turn to anyone else

big thoughts, little thoughts
thrown around my head
screaming, overwhelming, and telling me
"you're better off dead"

now inhale, then exhale
just hope that the pain starts shrinking
i don't mean for any of this to worry you
it's just that i've been thinking

what doesn't **** me
makes me really wish it did