Breaking waves and breaking hearts,
each are constant,
one after the other,
after the other after another.

Rain beats down on the still water,
on the once beating heart,
like a drum,
or a gun,
it echos.

Just another weathered face,
or maybe an empty space,
stuck in place,
stuck in time.

In the crowd, all alone,
the mind, a black hole,
Something special,
but not,
a rarity.

Holding onto a single line,
a single word,
a moment in time.
Slashed and torn,
what once was warm,
is now gone.

I watched as you washed your hands of me,
I can't figure out why you're leaving.

So far from perfect, I am just a man,
but I don't expect you to understand.

The leaves are changing and it's getting cold,
I'll find someone new, or so I'm told.

There's no way to explain how I feel,
my skin is smooth and cold as steel,
my heart is broken and it won't heal,
because of you.

Late nights, late thoughts have me still awake,
I don't know how much more my heart can take.

My blank white walls remind me of your face,
the day you left, you left me in this place,
I hate it.

Tear down the walls and tear up the floors,
I can't live in this house anymore,
need to forget the memories we formed,
inside these walls.
It's finally Fall.

It's 11pm and I'm hungry and tired,
moved so many boxes, my arms are on fire.
From one cage to another, just downgrade the size,
so I'm more confined.

It's easy to sit here and complain a lot,
but I'm not complaining, 'cause this is all I got.
I'm just another runaway that ended up caught,
in the things I'm not.

So call me a failure and call me a dud,
I take pride in everything I've done.
I don't live to your standards because they're no fun,
I live to feel the sun.

And while my arms are sore and my head really hurts,
I have to remember that things could be worse.
I'm just a someone living a someone life,
isn't it nice?

There is a home,
and it's waiting for me.
It travels in the sky,
over the neon cities.

I've been searching,
years have come and gone.
It eludes me still,
and I can't help but feel wronged.

I look up at the stars,
on the clearest of nights.
I chase the sun,
from the second it rises,
but still I can't find it,
my home in the sky.

Maybe I'll question,
if I'm even alive.
You're the one who told me,
I'd never survive.

From time to time,
I find myself running with the clouds.
I have little faith,
not enough to toss around.

I stare at the moon,
watch it reflect down unto me.
Is there any hope left,
for a man so petty?
I'm more than ready,
for my home in the sky.

Take me now or take me never,
my home in the sky,
I won't wait forever.

Take me now before I take it all,
and throw it away,
I'll throw it away.

Yesterday I thought about what it would be like to shoot myself in the head on the drive home.
I thought of it with no intent to actually harm myself,
but because I was thinking about how fast life goes.
Being born's like when you pull the trigger,
and when the bullet hits you, you die.
There's some time in between, but not much.
It's that fast.

Known and unknown
Charted and uncharted
Land and sea
One built to the ocean line
The other untouched and free
One made with patterns
Design and corners
The other is shapeless
Natural and irregular
The free form border that washes to and fro
And goes deep as death
Yet holds more life than me
Untouched and unscathed
It can never be owned by man
And he who tries to make his mark
Will have it washed away with the sand

I took a gun,
and put it to my head,
safety off,
fully loaded.

I didn't shake,
didn't hesitate.
Finger on the trigger,
finger on my fate.

Didn't breakdown,
didn't make a sound,
all I did was smile.

I have been redrawn
My old rendition replaced
With bright new colors and shades

Beneath the veneer
Traces and rough outlines
My foundation sketched in time

The graphite, my blood
It was poured onto the page
Many times it was erased

Unsure who I was
Sketched again and again
Eraser shavings of shame

I was blind to see
These sketches were exactly
who I needed to be

Before I could paint
I needed a rough outline
Before I could find my place

And when I did
The shame was swept away
The brush swiftly hit the page

No longer a sketch
But a beautiful display
Of bright new colors and shades

I have been redrawn
My old rendition replaced
By a colorful bouquet
And there’s still room for change

"Poor soul,
spit upon that,
poor soul,
he never knew what hit him,
and it hit him so."
They laughed and jabbed,
his plight entertaining,

He's just,
another *******,
he's just,
a *******,
he deserves this,
what a useless boy.

Just about as useful as a coat of paint,
applied in the rain.
Or maybe an umbrella on a sunny day.

What a useless soul,
arms outstretched and begging,
it takes a fool to see one,
but they don't see it that way.

Poor soul,
resting in the mud,
poor soul.

It's those long nights,
waiting for the sun to rise.
Waiting and praying,
for it to come a little quicker.
The black keeps getting blacker,
and I'm falling
out,
     out,
          out,
               and up.
Which will rise first?
The sun or my soul?

I can feel the pull,
a gentle tug with every shallow breath,
gentle but sharp.
Every word,
like a knife,
a little more pressure every time,
agonizingly slow.

Plunge it into my heart,
push it deeper,
push it all away.
These long nights,
I just wanna push,
and when it falls,
the moon from the sky,
so will I,
so will I.

Then the sun will rise,
and I'll be ****** to do it again.
I can feel a tug,
gentle but sharp.

I've had dreams recently,
dreams of happier times,
where I have my mind.

I wake up every morning,
thinking they were real,
at least that's how they feel.

Walk into the bathroom,
see myself in the mirror,
if I listen, I still hear her.

Wash my face, brush my teeth,
swallow my pills and make believe.

I don't want to keep on fighting,
if it's just going to hurt,
even more than before.

I fear the world and all it has,
all it can take,
all that's at stake.

The odds are against me,
my chances of surviving,
as slim as getting struck by lightning,
a second time.

If I swallow these pills,
and let them control me,
what will become,
of me?

There's a sour taste in the air,
our room's been ransacked,
everything is gone.
You smile but say nothing,
you look me in the eyes,
something is wrong.

I can feel the house crumbling,
the pressure is too much,
nothing to say.
Your mouth moves, spitting venom,
but nothing comes out,
there's too much pain.

I can see you standing there,
you make no movement,
like a brick wall.
You look right through me,
like a sheet of glass,
I'm nothing at all.

Then you walk out the door,
walk right through me,
I'm nothing.
You don't look back,
don't turn back,
I'm nothing.

Search and see the sun,
go out and feel the rain,
just realize,
the pain will go away.

Go and smell the flowers,
breathe in the air,
move without a care.

Electric love is coming for you,
spark the heart and make it move.
Make it pump and make it jump,
love is more than me and you.

There's no need to talk,
there's no need to waste,
the precious time we have,
we're near our end, I can taste it.

Take your mask off,
and I'll take mine off too.
We both have nothing to lose.

Let the vines entangle and trap,
your heart in their tight grasp.
Don't uproot what we can't lose,
you'll find it hard to get back.

I'm a sinner,
I'm a survivor.
I'm a sinner,
I'll survive her.
I'm a sinner,
I'll revive her.
I'm a sinner,
I'm a survivor.

Spin my head around,
and make sure it don't stop.
The world is better blurred,
and better when your on top.

The sky is orange, red,
and even purple too.
The sun set on today,
but not on me and you.

The mind is an ocean,
vast and unknown.
It's hard to settle down,
and find a place called home.

I know I don't make sense,
most of the time.
But to me that's fine,
I don't really mind.

I hope you understand,
my condition is strange.
I like chaos and turmoil,
and hate when things change.

Please follow me,
to the ends of the Earth.
Don't stray far,
you might lose me.

Hear the buzz,
they're questioning the mountains.
The halls of decadence,
the hum resonates with sin.

Their words echo,
far beyond the stretches of our universe.
Like a chant,
like witches muttering a curse.

Do not move,
there's a dead man in the gallows.
We're on thin ice,
and the water below isn't shallow.

To fear or not,
when fear is not a choice.
Be careful when using,
the power of your voice.

Cement and concrete cracks and crumbles,
steel and sand buries and breaks,
trapped beneath layers of rubble,
one wrong move is all it takes.

Just "unfortunate" says the news,
twelve more men, a few new widows,
spinning stories of their bravery,
as they trembled through the streets.

Sent to fight in another world,
where men do anything for their State,
handed to death on a silver platter,
giving him control of their fate.

You can give and you can take,
but that's where we're mistaken,
because you can't take back the lives,
you give once they're forsaken.

Trials under an unfamiliar roof,
under foam board ceiling panels,
I thought I knew love,
I knew nothing.

It's a tidal wave on unfamiliar seas,
on a boat I don't know how to captain,
I'm a stranger to the concept,
and the concept is a stranger to me.

You think you feel it,
but you would know.
You think you know,
but you don't know till she comes.
A tidal wave,
and everything before is like playground love.
She's everything and you're nothing without her.

Sitting here wishing on a wishing well,
praying I can escape this hell.
Slit your wrists, just to get a taste,
then spread your blood all over my face.

Let me in, but not too close,
we both know how these things go.
Just let me feel you silk soft lips,
just let me grab those bony hips.

Days go passing by,
and I still don't know why.
All the days I've spent,
and how they came and went.

Sun sets over the ocean,
I'm trapped in the Earths motion.
Rotating, day after day,
everything's repeating, the same.

Hold me tight,
don't let me go,
just let me know,
I'll be okay.

Into the late hours,
of the darkest nights,
tell me good, despite,
the blood we're losing.

I want to feel the fire,
I want to feel it dance in my heart.
I want to feel alive,
life is an art.

I'm living this life,
the way I want to live.
You may not like,
the way that I think.

But this is my life,
and I'm going to ignite,
that fire deep inside,
and come alive.

This is my life,
I'm going to live it right,
no regrets or shame,
time to play the game.

I know I live,
I know I die,
so let me live,
while I'm alive.

There's no mistake,
I'm going to face,
plenty of adversity,
but I will make the best of it.

I took his word,
he took his life.
He told me everything,
told me he was alright.

Life so fragile, it shatters when you touch it,
the world wasn't ready for him.
He wasn't ready for the world,
on a collision course.

The angels called for him,
and he left in the night.

The air is cold,
I see my breath.
Somehow, I think of you,
I still can't rest.

And to think it's been almost three years,
since I last saw your face.
Sometimes I can't believe it,
this worlds a cruel place.

The angels called for him,
and he left in the night.

I see your face,
in everything.
From smoke to the mirror,
I feel nothing.

Sometimes I question what I could have done,
to make sure you stayed here.
You always seemed a happy soul,
or maybe you knew the end was near.

I wish I could bring you back,
but we all know you'd disappear.
You left for a reason,
but I wish you were still here.

The angels called for him,
and he left in the night.

I waited so long,
I cannot stand.
Could only be strong for so long,
I'm just man.
All I do is wrong,
not my plan.
I've carried your weight for so long,
did all I can.

You need to get on your feet,
and rise up again.
You need to stand tall,
and fight my friend.

I can't be here forever,
soon I'll fade away.

Watched you grow slowly,
into a man.
Made sure you learned to be,
best you can.

And if you can't be your best,
I'm still happy you tried.
But don't be afraid to try,
and touch the sky.

I won't be here forever,
but forever, I'll be proud.

I will always love you,
that you must know.
Never let this memory,
never let it go.

There's something inside me,
I feel it ticking and pounding.
I can't breathe and it hurts,
but it feels so astounding.

I've let it have it's way,
one too many times before.
I can't let it take control,
so I lock the door.

I can hide away,
till it goes away,
till I lose you too,
because no one stays.

I once heard from Freddie,
that love was a game,
and if that's the case,
I don't want to play.

I just want to feel,
safe again.

O joyous world
for which I weep,
what splendid treats
you share with me.

For I've seen your
beauty in green mountain side,
or in soft blue skies as far as
my eyes reach.

I've been entranced by mirrored lakes
and natural silence.

I weep for the people
who will not see,
the elegance carved before me.

I weep for the world
encased in sin,
a concrete evil that shackles our will.

God, I've never asked much,
I don't need and I don't beg.
Years go by, nothing changes,
war wages inside my head.

It's come to my attention,
that you're some savior.
You know my condition's dire,
you can see it in my behavior.

I want to believe but it's so ******* hard,
when every morning I wake up with a battered heart,
a brain that's been ravaged and war torn for years,
and a body that's been broken by fear.

God, I've never asked much,
I don't beg and I don't need,
but can you answer my prayers now,
either save me or **** me,
save me or **** me.

I'm deranged,
if I stay,
I will remain.
If I go,
I will change.

Can you let me go?
Will I survive,
I don't know.
If you hold me here,
I'll surely implode.

Unlock the handcuffs,
set me free,
I need new love.
I need to breathe,
your grip tightens up.

I can't open my eyes,
you keep them shut,
keep me blind.
You have my heart,
and my mind.

I will slowly die,
as you watch,
enjoying my demise.

As long as you hold,
my heart in your hand,
like piece of gold,
turning to sand.

Alcohol like water,
I've been gifted with the ability to sin.
I've been waiting for snowfall,
but have been cursed with warm winds.

My room is cold and empty,
pictures on the wall, unfamiliar.
Chipped white paint, peeling and cracked,
all a blur when you're drunk.

Just one more sip from the chalice,
tongue isn't numb enough yet.
Another ******* night under cold sheets,
shivering to sleep.

And in the morning, I will rise,
a victim of the next day,
waiting for Redemption Day,
waiting for that jet black train.

Life, so magnificent,
so glorious,
so rare,
would you find yourself in me?

I think and I feel,
but is that enough?
Or do I think too much,
and not feel enough?

We all think we are living,
but being alive is not all we think.
It's what we do with this life,
what we do while we're alive,
that makes this life live.

Look at yourself,
and think,
is there life in me?
Not are you alive,
or are you living,
but is there adventure,
beauty,
an infatuation with love?
Is there music,
is there motion,
is there poetry,
is there art?

Are you full of life,
or are you just living?

Feel the energy,
all around you,
waiting to be set free.

Feel the life,
all around you,
let it consume thee.

Let there be adventure,
let there be beauty,
may you be infatuated with love.
Let there be music,
poetry in motion,
let there be art inside and out.

Let there be life,
let there be life.

I'm shaking in your absence,
your love gives me withdrawals.
I miss your kiss but the only thing touching my lips,
is the smooth river of alcohol.

God sees me as sin,
I'm an animal in a cage.
Nothing but another cheap trick to friends,
till they turn the page.

And then I float like a wisp,
on the very winds I condemn,
nothing but a prodigy child,
shattering like fine china.

This world is,
mighty big.
Makes me think,
I'm too small.
Not at all,
I'm just right.
Can't complain,
I'll go insane.

I love this life,
does it love me?

Can't control,
everything.
I'm the king,
for the world.
Have you heard,
the good news?
I love you,
life does too.

There's so little time,
got all I need.

This world's cruel,
I'm out of tune.
I don't need,
your bad news.
Got my thoughts,
and loved ones.
That's enough,
for a lifetime.

I’ve been treated like dirt,
been kicked around.
I have doubted my worth,
made not a sound.

Like an unaccounted for star,
I shone bright like the sun.
Begging for help,
I found no one.

A day came around,
when it finally hit.
I thought I had issues,
I ain’t got ****.

I’ve seen kids become killers,
and friends pop pills.
I’ve seen “freaks” that frankly,
just can’t stand still.

I’ve seen people I know,
take their own lives.
I’ve seen grown men cry,
when they lost their wives.

I can’t believe,
I was so selfish.
I thought I had issues,
I ain’t got ****.

There are people starving,
this world’s alarming,
there’s war and crippling disease.
To think for a second,
I had it worse,
was as selfish as can be.

I ain’t got ****,
compared to the kid,
who’s parented just separated.

I ain’t got ****,
compared to any person,
who’s lost a loved one.

I ain’t got ****,
I ain’t got ****.

There's something about the sound of the wind,
on a cold chilly night, puts goosebumps on my skin.
I feel the Earth turning right beneath my feet,
the thought of dying is just so bittersweet.

I see people on the streets with planets in their eyes,
they look down at the ground as they walk on by.
It's like every person is a world apart,
walking around aimlessly with a broken heart.

I never thought I'd see a day where people on the streets,
were just as seclusive as dreams are obsolete.

It's absolutely crazy,
how we've all grown.
It's drives me crazy,
how much is still unknown.

Sometimes I hurt in my head and in my heart,
but for what it's worth, I can't tell the two apart.
I've spent years upon years trying to help myself,
but what makes me feel the best is when I help someone else.

I see people breaking down, falling to the floor,
begging for help, looking for an open door.
No one wants to ask for a savior in their life,
because their all afraid of saying the word Christ.

I never thought I'd see a day where people in need,
would rather die alone than with something to believe in.

It's absolutely crazy,
how we've all grown.
But it drives me ******* crazy,
knowing how much we've lost.

People think before they feel and act before they think,
this strange world we live in really needs to rethink,
how we got here and how we can still grow,
before we lose touch with what we use to know.

It's driving me crazy,
how much we don't know.

I see you there,
in the shards of dreams.
Quietly, I walk,
but every step I take,
results in another break,
in the skies fragile skin.

I don't want to be who I am,
but there's no turning back.
I'm who I am but am I who,
you want me to be?

In the eyes of my reflection,
I see a boy,
no,
a man,
but he's trying to break free.

Nothing's quite the same anymore,
and it's not getting any better.

Fire on the skyline,
shades of days before.
I am nothing more,
than dried up, shattered dreams.

I'm spinning out of control,
spiraling down,
overload.
I'm slipping,
just don't let go.

Stuck in overdrive,
mental meltdown,
I'm losing my mind.
My only enemy,
is time.

I feel my brain cells exploding,
the shores of my heart,
slowly eroding.
I cannot breathe,
my lungs are imploding.

I'll close my eyes,
hold my breath,
and hear the cries.
I need you now,
please save me,
I need you now.

Catacombs of my lives,
deep and dark inside,
penetrate my awful mind,
stick the needle in deep.

I feel you in my heart,
the venom stings and burns,
but still my heart yearns,
when will I learn?

I hope you understand,
I did this because of you.
Don't mistaken it for an accident.

Breaking the bonds,
the world is collapsing from the inside out.
What's the fuss about?
You made me do it.

Demons unleashed,
from the bottomless pits of hell.
So tolls the bell,
you made me do it.

Nothing here,
is something there.
But I don't care,
you made me do it.

Velvet halls,
I can hear them singing.
Just to be home,
would be a blessing.

To hold you in the sheets,
and rub our cold feet,
is all I want right now.

We will grow old,
just not together.

Tell Benjamin that I love him,
and tell my mom she is my world.
Tell my sister I missed her,
and tell my brother he's a ****.

I can feel myself leaving,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go.

Clinically insane,
on the fritz.
Exploding,
into bits.

Boggling,
my mind.
Don't worry,
I'm fine.

I'm on an adventure,
to outer space.
I'm on the moon,
I'm in your face.

Too far away,
I need my space.
Give me your love,
but make me chase it.

I'm long gone,
but I feel fine.

I'm insane,
but I feel fine.

Lost my brain,
but I feel fine.

I'm long gone,
but I feel fine.

I'm going deep,
under the sea.
Would you like,
to join me?

The waters cool,
crystal clear.
The deeper you go,
the less you fear.

I'm long gone,
but I feel fine.

I'm insane,
but I feel fine.

Lost my brain,
but I feel fine.

I'm long gone,
but I feel fine.

The world is standing there blindly,
no one stops, no one cares.
The world is stuck in sixth gear,
riding the conveyor belts they share.

I see myself in a white room,
standing, facing the television.
The news is twisting and turning,
turning and twisting our vision.

We love our nuclear baby,
we love polluting our cities.
We love to nurture bad behaviors,
we love bombing with no pity.

We love watching the TV,
we love seeing destruction.
We love all the disarray,
we love political eruptions.

Keep on marching,
mindlessly marching,
raise the corporate flags high.

Let them consume you,
while you consume their fast food,
we all have money on our minds.

Lying here on a cold concrete floor,
thinking there has to be something more.
I know there's a God, but where is he now?
Please pick me up, from this lost and found.

I've been lying here, for what feels like years,
thinking about all my many fears.
So lifeless, so ready to die,
can you make me feel alive?

The room is flooding, filling with my blood,
I'm fine with drowning, 'cause I've had enough.
So watch me die, outside your one way glass,
and don't you dare save me, I want this feeling to last.

Somewhere along the line,
I lost all self control.
Reckless actions led to reckless feelings I've never felt before.

I tried to fight them off,
but I just can't get enough.
These reckless feelings have me touching the ceiling and ending on the ground.

Because every time I push,
they pull me in again.
And every time I pull,
they push me down.
I'm on my hands and knees,
begging for mercy,
when the only I can give mercy to myself.

Broken things don't mend themselves,
love doesn't grow without proper soil.
My brains got rust on all the gears but I won't give them any oil.

I love to fly 'cause I love the high,
even if I crash and burn.
I'll relive it over and over again because I know I'll never learn.

I will start the fire,
and let myself burn.
And I will break my bones,
and end up on the shelf.
I'm on my hands and knees,
begging for mercy,
when only I can give mercy to myself.

Rip,
tear,
sever,
snap.

Break this heart in half.

Carve out my insides,
cook them, and me, alive.
Sprinkle pepper,
salt,
oregano.

Roast me nice and slow.

Feast,
eat,
enjoy your meal.

Forget my name,
our love,
not real.

And for dessert,
please eat my heart.

Now we will never be apart.

Galactic heartbreak,
spanning from planet to ocean,
to mind to soul,
nothing is whole without something.

I feel the gravity,
my spine bends and cracks,
I will go to the end of the earth for you,
but I won't come back.

You're a wonder,
a special puzzle piece.
Don't let anyone tell you differently,
you shine.

Like a sun in the sky,
you shine.
Like a star way up high,
you shine.
Like a lantern in the night,
you shine.

I can't believe you were mine.

I keep digging,
deeper into this hole,
and the further I go,
the more I die.

It's like a I'm digging,
into my heart,
and I can't dig any farther.

I rip out roots,
I rip out rocks,
no matter how much it pains me,
I just can't stop.

Something inside,
is melting me away,
from the inside out.

Do you know me,
know my name?
Do you see me,
going insane?
Reach out to me,
ease the pain.
Just don't let me die here.

Deeper and deeper,
into the flesh,
it's such a mess,
a beautiful one.

I'm in too deep,
there's no way out,
but that's not what,
I care about.

Somewhere down here,
somewhere inside,
I am alive,
buried alive.

Blind emotions,
hold up my mask,
and it's sown to my face...
it's sown to my face...

Reaching back, to the past,
hoping to pull something out of the wreck.
Nothing remains, but a fiery mess,
everything has changed.

I walk alone, down a lonely road,
I can't look back,
because if I do,
I won't continue.

I fight forward, struggling onward,
I leave everything.

Every name,
every touch,
every kiss,
every bit of love.

All of it.

I'm leaving you behind.

There's something out there,
and I'm going to find it.
Some times you'll realize,
the glass slipper isn't the right fit.
Don't get discouraged,
just keep on fighting,
you'll find it get's easier as you go.

I've grown not just in size,
but inside.
I've slowly molded myself,
with the help of friends.
I've almost faced the end,
but I'm breathing,
and I'm smiling.

I don't know what's going to happen next,
I just know that I'll take it with a smile and deep breath,
I'll embrace and it take it as a brand new chance,
to become something I'm not.

This life has been brutal,
relentless and rough,
but I'm battle tested now,
thick-skinned and tough,
I'm ready for whatever,
this life has to offer,
so let's go,
bring it on.

I'm surrounded by the storm,
it rages in my heart,
it tears us both apart,
the winds whip and wail.
The broken, beaten house,
tells a triumphant tale,
of a boy that wins the girl,
but loses her to fate.
What he creates,
is his own demise,
a tumbled turned fall,
he lost it all.
No one tore the rose from his hands,
he threw it into the fire,
he watched it grow higher,
he summoned the storm.
Now he,
I,
hold on for my life,
as this storm whips and wails.