The ache in my heart
The salt water in my eyes
The screams of frustration
The scares I try to hide

I thought I was over you
I thought we could be friends
But the mention of her name
Puts me on edge

You don't talk to me for days
But you go on dates with her
We use to stay up all night together
But now my nights are painful blurs

I just want to be loved
If not by you
Then at least someone who might treat me right
Who might hold me at night

Who will care for me
And not break my heart every other week
Who won't cheat or use me
Make me feel empty and bleak

But my single issue
With finding someone else
Is having to deal with the fact that
They simply aren't you

“but if you have to move your best friend’s body…
…you’re on your own.”

Your best friend dies
Before your eyes
Somehow stays alive
Then what?

***** salt-licked hair
Brittle and frayed by medicine
World’s unfathomable weight
Trembling beneath the Wisdom Tree

Her whole being crumples (arrugar)
But her life-force remains intact
Body bone
Running on spirit reserves
Why is that?

She stands and cries
Staring into ether
I sit
Wringing my hands

Her tears strike the ground
In tree-gecko unison

'''

Pacific parasite super-strains
Blood coated throat
The full range of abuse’s color on all fronts
for decades
Attempted assaults, ****
Dengue
Giant Centipede venom to the skull

But worst of all
Rootlessness and fear

the monkey on her back
had a monkey on its back
   and was smoking a cigarette

'''

Have you ever seen someone
Completely broken?

Corpsic shell of a woman
Gaunt, wan in the tropics

“Don’t put your trust in walls…
…walls will only crush you when they fall”

Brick-bludgeoned body
The shrapnel lay like
Sun scorched
Novice-woven baskets
At her feet

But now she can see
And breath
Real breath

'''
Genocide’s a *****, yes.

Africans seem fatalistic to Americans
Baby boy body, Grandpa human- shield

“They’re your babies”
Short-lived, yes
But now they have peace

Witnesses still weave the jungle

What do you do with a friend who’s
Seen real atrocity? Evil?

'''

I’m learning.

Prayer is power
Will transcends the concrete (Bunkle, too.)

She serves realness only
Her seeking hands unweave the sacred
Time is of no luxury right now

Serve people through love
and Grace awaits discovery

'''
I’ve never carried a bleeding body.
I needn’t “fear the terror by night,
Nor the arrow by day”

But I saw someone perish
And resurrect

What a gift
What a gift

Gubaadagem, Tinmad.

The night we went to that club in Seoul
And danced with Hot Toby

We got back to the hostel and we were staying in the
Basement that night

I was so sick, needed to pass out
And proceeded to use a shirt
As a snot rag throughout my sleep

I woke up and the shirt had turned to solid concrete
Boogers cement

We had to wake up early
We went to go look at temples

I didn’t wash that shirt
I just wore it

And I remember needing to pass out
All day; so sick I couldn’t taste anything
Not even Kimchi

And I said to myself
"I just need to party"

So we went out that night
I didn’t change
My clothes

Why do we hurt each other
Why does reputation and ego fuel conflict
Good and evil
We have both—but why

Fear

Spray paint “***” in pink on that kid’s locker
Back-bitten turned backs seek satisfaction

The closet
Closets churn monstersecrets
Hypocrisy’s scarf weaves deliberately around two hangers

The gay kid is the first to scream ******
And louder than the others

Do you know the gay kid’s heart
when the outing is seen coming—it’s the worst
the time between ‘getting caught’
and
being ‘outed’ is the most fatal

heart and soul in throat then writhe
a darkness that’s curdled and sour

tears  follow their predecessors tracks
on a twisted, wizened face
red lightbulb eyebrows
the chispa releases fear and tension
choked spine back bend in bed

--and social media
Displaced reality
Magnified consciousness
Reread, recheck, redo
Perpetuate and recreate the wound
Contagion medium

everyone has to come out somehow
in some way

drop the hate
drop the leather belts
rope
blade
pills
gun
alcohol
cough syrup
… house hold products

we have too many outs
shed the closet and shed your doubts

Even your guardian angel gave up on you and the tiny devil on your shoulder no longer felt needed.
You made your own demons. You dream up terrible angels.
You were a hell all on your own.

soft blonde curls around you
like a halo
warmest smiles one could ever know
from the heart


You said in your elephant grass poem
“peace is less than me
and more than you
but we are almost free”

I find it hard to accept
such bright light snuffed out
so soon

May your light shine on
Sweet Masikani
Teej-light is sorely missed here



will see you
in the stars one day*



S T, 26 July 2013

This is God and...

            I see you straddling the fence
            I see you with one foot in the stream
            I see you calling me your Master
            With the attitude of what's in it for me

I see you praise only when there's blessing
I see you with no mark upon your knees
I see you turning from your brother
When your brother is desperately in need

             I see the dust that's on your Bible
             I see you yawning in the pew
             I see you passing judgment on my people
             When your attitude is what is judging you

This is how the world views you as Christians
This is how you represent my name
How can you expect a dying world to listen
When they look at you and then themselves
*And you appear to be one and the same

yeah
babies
guess what

i built an ecovillage thirty feet from the highway
pi planted 3 bamboo today
you gotta see it all

sometime
i know you will
it has you all over it

i love you
no more internet for me for awhile
***