funny,

how they put you in that bottle,

press you to my lips,

like the neck i would carefully throttle.

twenties, an infinity,

i could never follow.

i wasn't whole when i met you,

now i'm nothing,

and lacking the truth.

burning inside,

with an impervious noose.

I memorize the 15 day steps.   but I don’t believe.  in the timeline.  

the trap is set.  a month or more.  in isolation.  my mind is laughing.  it is not alone.  it is a pack.  of scavengers.  waiting.  my mind is cackling.  it is not alone.  

my lips are sealed.  my voice is silent.  my hands are drunk.  on alcohol.  they are clean.  and cracked.  nothing can live.  on them.

I do not touch.  my face.  (I am lying).  I have too many.  nervous ticks.  to stop.  they are habits.  decades in the making.

even the prospect.  of death.  can’t change me.  that much.  I am normal.  in that way.  my mind is laughing.  it is not alone.

only 26
(and usually less)

that’s all it
takes to make
all these words

to make all
these words

that help me
make all this

meaning from
all this feeling

of the things
I love in this world

the alphabet

is right at
the top

it has helped me
more than

most people

he keeps asking
why
I don't write
about him

my dear,
my sweet darling,
it is because
you
do not cause heartache
and pain
like the others did

I do not know
how
to write
when I am in love

i think
the city at night,
the views
from all the balconies
i’ve stayed and
stared at aimlessly,
knows me
more than
anything
and anyone
in this world.

You tap the vein and push love into my bloodstream