Screams come from shadows
the dark is thick
air turns to ash into my lungs
my bones tremble under thought

Where are they?
My demons don’t walk
down the street
up the hall
into my room
up to me….

Are they gone?
I miss the forceful choking,
weight against my chest
asphyxiation in the absence
their finest act.

The pen in your hand
spills the blood you wish
your eyes could.
Sitting, staring into the
white abyss. Thinking,
stab them in the throat,
dear. Watch the blood spill
from their lifeless iris. Don’t
be so kind as to close their lids.
They should see you,
we all should see you.

The smoke flows
in waves around the soul
I can see floating
outside of my body
I am not real in this moment
You are not real in this moment
I ache internally. The embers burn
as I burn… a hellacious attempt
at life. A life too quickly lived.
Killed — no life at all.

Smoke fills the room.

Silence.
Stigma.
Don’t speak. It is not
real. Nothing, is real.
Real until you hold it
inside, hold it until
you cannot breathe.
**** it. Strangle me.
The thoughts alone
drive me to solitude,
stuck in the meadows
of my mind.
Flooding. The green is
turned to red.
A bath of blood,
a cleansing of the pure.
No staff is needed here.
No god.

Welcome to the real world,
                                                 *****.

You held my heart;
gently, coddled.
Then you held my fear;
fingerprints, cheekbones.
A sinking feeling and
snap realization of pain.
Bone to Bone.
Bone to Metal.
Words creep into my soul
as it topples over edges.
Highlight my insecurities,
as makeup bonds to the tips
of your fingers.
Feast on my tears, they roll
because of you.

Feasts.
Fears.
Fists.
Faces.
Fire.

These flashing embers are different
from the ones reflecting from your
eyes in a not so distant past.
I fall in a different way,
I run in vain.
Cursed by the universe;
inflicted pain
will forever remain a constant.

Reality of galaxy tracers
sinking into the side of my face.

Jump from the building,
fall so quickly the lights
turn to stars and
cannot put their arms around
you in time.
Slit your own throat to watch
yourself drown in creation.
Pull the nails from your eyes
and place them in your coffin —
home.
An ant, imagine, burned by the
flame. Your soul splattered
across the picturesque skyline—
art.
Ink of a life never told across
windshields, across concrete,
across guardrails.
“Just ******* do it.” Your body
ceases obeying its abuser.
Only the mind spreads the
blood of your soul, when you
least expect it.

Running from the
chipped paint and
peeling wallpaper.
The exposure.
The naked vulnerability.
Chasing dreams
that scare me
only to find grounding
in fear.

The dripping faucet
was acid on my skin
in streams down my face.
A feeling of warmth
that burned.
Scarred.
A sudden change.
Please, not again.

The ceiling caves in —

I can never show anything
but the reflection of a life
that is broken.
No matter how the claws
shred me
from underneath my
own skin…

Trapped in escape.