Sand moves through the hour glass, counting down the past. I gripped to tight and lost it all, praying it would last.

I miss you sometimes so much it hurts, but I look back to see the ruin. The scar still proof of what we had, it was our own undoing.

Sand feels gritty between my fingers, I have to pace about. But frustration of things that went unsaid, makes me want to shout.

I can't make sense of the absence between, just that it always lingers in this space. Memories I still hold next to me, I wish I could erase.

It came down to this...

My head to heavy to lift,
my fears to big to face alone.

Tears?
I've plenty.
they spill out of me in over flow,
creating an ocean that would swallow me.
    
I had strength yesterday...

Brick walls stop me.
as they tumble only to crush me.
Why can't I get through to you?

I broke finally.
Thought you'd be happy to hear,
that I fell off my high horse.

Now all that's left of me feels so shattered,
my very essence rides the wind.

Like virtue it doesn't hold,
all of me is tainted.

I tried to tame a Titan, thought my Gypsy soul was all he needs. But it seems in the end, I'm the only human that cuts and bleeds.

I could count on the hand that's left, my long list of regret. But I wish nothing more, then to erase how we both met.

I took off armor and defended, what I wanted for my own. A dream I held close to heart, he was to be my home.

If only you could see me, cutting them down with every blow. But in the end he defeated me, the only one I wished to know.

I lay in a puddle of myself, as he devours my heart. All the while still whispering delusions, of how Fate won't keep us apart.

I don't know when it was I fell, but I think I just hit solid ground. Those arms I wanted to catch me, are nowhere to be found.

I thought of strength as I fell, the beauty of his soul. Disregarding what I knew, that love can take a toll.

It's my own fault, I hide away so well. Secrets tucked down deep, that my lips refuse to tell.

I can't help but feel so broken, as I hit the floor. Delicate hearts made of glass, I heard mine crack as he closed the door.

Standing in a puddle of gasoline,
Trying to get this ******* match to light.
It doesn't matter what I do,
in the end it's never right.

A scarlet letter brands my body,
to match my lips of crimson red.
Let me whisper poetry in your ear,
and take your heart to bed.

Lay me down,
I'll set fire ablaze to tame your tortured soul.
Broken hearts never mend,
a shattered essence can never be whole.

I'm standing here with this stupid match, Striking it to spark.
Always hoping to set fire,
to what's hiding in the dark.

Only one
intrusive memory
and I break.
Tears push forth
and fall
without permission
or warning.
My heart
begins to beat
with this
incurable ache.

I search,
in every reflection of myself.
Try and define,
in every hidden compartment of my essence,
what beauty lies without and within my very person.
When I close my eyes just to listen,
I faintly hear rhythm in my heartbeat, melody in my laughter,
a sing song way that I speak my words. If I read my soul correctly,
words of pure intentions,
may over throw my ruthful disguises.
If I'm squinting,
I can see the gorgeous face people claim I have,
big brown eyes full of wonder,
delicate lips so softly kissable.
I've been thinking of this a great deal, letting it consume me in the night, causing sleepless exasperations.   Looking deep within myself the truth has finally been revealed.
I was born from the stars,
I am stardust,
nothing more beautiful then the beauty of existence.

This lover likes to cover me,
with soft lips and sandpaper hands.
His mouth on my body,
while fingers tugg through my dark hair,
and close around my throat.

This man is greedy with me.
Devours me whole,
always rough with need.
Yet his lips are the only contrasting element.
Setting my skin on fire,
with each delicate kiss.

His strong body,
is so graceful over mine.
We move together intertwined.
Always bending me,
into,
a new position of pleasure.
His grip leaves bruises,
trails of proof along my skin.

He only speaks in hushed gasps,
my name he whispers on the peak of ecstasy.
"You're mine"
he always says,
Kissing my swollen lips.
His eyes so dark,
I don't dare to disagree.

Twisted fables don't tell it right, as time often warps perception. I say this with absolute certainty, written down in pure deception.

Each year that passes leaves lines of age, my reflection became my measure of time. Backwards clocks that won't tick in rhythm, singing songs of a life that could have been mine.

It was ages ago but I can still hear her cry, hushed whispered tones of blind prophecy. Then it led me to these chains I hate, and they claimed shadows forbid it to be.

Every morning when I wake, hopeful I step closer to the drop. Waiting for a prince they said would come, jumping might be the only way to make it stop.

I spread my arms and close my eyes, imagine majestic wings. Shadows robbed me of my sanity, and twisted fables stole my dreams.

It's like I know it in my soul, that he must be meant for me. When I close my eyes at night, he's all I wish to see.

Colors so vivid I stand amazed, the grass can't be this green. Intense emotions swell within, reality escapes me while I dream.

I see him in the distance, my heart begins to race. Eyes transfixed I'm left in awe, by his handsome face.

Firm hands that soon hold me close to him, he kisses me with hungry lips. Fireworks erupt inside, with just a touch from his fingertips.

He starts to fade when he speaks, I want so badly to know what's said. I awake disappointed by reality, and how my heart effects my head.

I know that he's probably sleeping,
but the space beside me just confirms,
it's not next to me.

I extend my arm,
squinting my eyes in the dark,
reaching to the shadows.

Softly I whisper his name,
it just echo's,
settling into silence.

Wrapping covers tightly,
I think of his arms,
always wanting them around me.

I know as I begin to drift,
he's my last thought before I sleep,
I can only hope I'm his..

The floor is made of glass,
reflecting my slender silhouette.
My bare feet softly slide across the surface,
as gently as I tread I hear its threat to give,
Its cracking beneath me,
wanting to take me under to consume all that I am.
I hold my head high,
constantly reminding myself to breathe. This is a repeat,
I see it daily,
always watching where I place my next step.
Don't push,
or it'll shatter.
Freedom gave me the gift of wings,
yet I alone have stripped them from my body.
Intimacy is all but resolute,
warmth breaks the glass,
as I am undeserving.
I stand still tonight,
watching my reflection,
knowing its a betrayal to my inner person.
One day I'll give up,
bust the glass just to show,
how much I truly despise  myself.

I fell apart.

I guess it was time,
There are so many cracks already...

I shattered unto myself like a stain glass window,
Bits of color fading into shards.

Tears came and I may have wept a river,
I just want it to wash away.

Wipe my hands clean and carry on.

Promises of tomorrow seem exhausting, when you realize that it's all just the same in the end.

I hate
That I miss him. 
Counted days
Pass in heavy silence. 

My heart
Broken is mending.
Prayers lost
To the universe. 
Polluting the galaxy
While
Destroying whole constellations.

My lips are sealed
Stitched together.
Strings of unspoken
Moments held to tightly. 
Bedsheets tainted
By silence and secrets. 

Once not caring
What having him
Would cost me. 
I now kneel in ruin. 
Healing myself
From his misuse.

Hands cupped
To catch the after math.
It slips through
My fingers.
Having begged him
once
Not to fall
In love with me.

I know that I am beautiful, no matter what you say, I gaze upon my reflection each and every day.

You tell me that I'm simple, but don't mistake me so. for the fullness of my lips and the curves of my body show.

Long and slender, that I am. My height is hard to hide, brown eyes and hair are common but I stand with confidence and pride.

You want to say I'm not your type, on that we can agree. I already have to many men chasing after me.

What bothers me most I must confess, you can't look beyond what you see. If a man wants to know me best, he must read my poetry.

I took you out of notebooks, so that my heart could heal. Had to stomach the reality, that you were never real. 

Pens once lost on pages, now crinckled on the table. Happily ever after, just a twisted fable. 

Erasing you from my soul, burned history marked with pen. So that I may forget my past, and attempt to begin again. 

I scribbled out old verses, I had yet to complete. Leaving behind our memories, ruin laying at my feet. 

What once was love filled margins, with cursive bent askew. Only to find that with time, my poetry is tainted with the poison of you.

Tucked within the mountain of Promise, just past the forest of Truth. Runs a stream that glistens of dreams, and grants eternal youth.

Fairy's dance among the flowers, and sing a song of grace. Always adding into fable, another fortunate travelers face.

The stream glistens in the sun, and it's allure will steal your breath. One drop that passes through your lips, will save your soul from death.

Some will spend forever looking, desperate to stop youth from fading. Endlessly searching for this fountain, they waste life away crusading.

Be careful what you wish for, it's the warning the wind will softly tell. I'm forever blessed in beauty, but ****** for eternity between heaven and hell.

Put your lips close to mine, as long as they don't touch.
Breathe in me, but cannot see, the wounds that ache so much.

I'll let you linger in my space, lights dimmed so you can't fully see.
In this place I hid, and sins that did, purge the light from me.

Hearts are such a delicate thing, walls built so you can hide.
The side of you, that always knew, this luscious lullabie.

Age sets in and scars collect, imperfections on your skin.
A road map, of gnarled sap, from the spot we all begin.

Reflections always distorted, some how you became so shallow.
As I cried, and echoes confide, I made love to my weeping shadow.

Reality Check

Exhausted isn't the correct word, as it's more of mind and soul. I bounced to many reality checks, it must've taken a toll.

I couldn't keep on trudging through dreams, while sitting before the hallows. Wasting wishes on nonsense things, while they leave me at the gallows.

I've hung my head in defeat, so many times before. But I'm at that twisted point in life, where I can't take much more.

Shadows follow me where I may go, voices so sinister and wicked. We ***** our fingers on spinning wheels, ignoring what was long ago predicted.

Backwards bones of forgotten men, lay in disarray. All because life's a *****, and she wants to make you pay.

I patched the sails with paper bags, and headed on my quest. Searching for a new tomorrow, I laid my past to rest.

Blessed pennies in my pocket, and holy water strapped to my belt. I shattered all that held me back, the curse I've always felt.

Tattered ropes hold me together, I've got this map that's made of dreams. With ruin all around me, moving on is best it seems.

I'm going but not forever, as I start along the way. Taking bits of memories, that will never fade away.

When I look at him
I see
my past and my future
Time paused
by dreams that once
came true
stars that still glint
with endless possibilities
of infinity.

When I look at him
I see
my heart
a piece of me
forever beating
within his chest
a gift given so long ago..
With out him
I can never be whole.

When I look at him
I see
a stunning masterpiece
an abstract form
of beauty
that still
after all these years
brings me to my knees
and steals my breath.

He always comes back,
reeking of regret and apology,
Hands unsteady and shaking.

Soft knocks on my door,
one..two..three,
I always pause for four,
bracing myself as I answer.

He looks the same,
carmel skin and strong jawed,
Silence forgotten in embrace,
yet intimacy is stale.

Flooding with tainted memories,
He pours out tears I can't catch,
broken promises I can't mend,
wishes I can't grant.

This is the last time..
please he breathes into my hair,
pleading for refuge.
I know he is seeking sanctuary,
but he's already left me in ruin.

He always comes back,
for that desecrated relic of a heart,
that he won't leave behind.

In this dense darkness, I wish only to see. For light to guide my stranded way, so that I could just be free.

I flex these wings of angel soft, stretch them to keep strong. Put it down with ink and pen, to document where i went wrong.

This magic harp is broken, it once played a heavenly sound. My tears have turned it to rust, no hope to repair it can be found.

I look down upon my twisted hands, turned my halo into chains. I wonder in my solitude, if clarity still remains.

I was cast from heaven, salvation I no longer have a right to seek. Bare and exposed before you, I'm embarrassed that you'll peek.

My sins are all around me, scattered in every direction. I cant stand the traitor that I see, when I gaze at my own reflection.

I kneel to cry, pushing the hair back from my face. It hurts to be human, when souls like me have no rightful place.

I kneel before the temple of tomorrow, while still lingering in yesterday.  Cut by broken promises, and choking on the words I couldn't say.

Here I cried a river so vast, that it became a sea. I cupped my hands but couldn't catch, all the shattered parts of me.

Prayers slip from red stained lips, but it's just to heavy in heart. There's no more a clear reflection, that ripples do not part.

I have hope tucked in my pocket,  I built this raft with dreams. But I can't keep from drowning, it's busting at the seams.

Waves pull from the earth, my heart now ticks to the rhythm of sorrow. I can't mend what's already fallen apart, but I can find faith in the Temple of tomorrow.

I'm really good at starting over.

Picking up broken pieces and discovering the light in dark places.

I've got this grasp of hope that never fades. It pulses in my palms and Sparks my fingertips.

Yet still sometimes I resist the urge to hang my head in shame, and admit defeat.

Time grows distant when I count the monsters hiding in the shadows.
Always waiting too consume me.

I dust off volumes of myself tucked into forgotten corners at night.
Insomnia my most unwelcome visitor.

I can find comfort in stillness and solitude.

But sometimes...

I wish someone would hold me.

I remind myself alot these days that

I'm so good at starting over.
I'm so good at watching it all fall apart.

I find him in stillness.
When the world's silent
When I finally find a moment
To stop
And pause everything.

The ache in my chest
Returning
When I stumble
On memories
On music
On the realization
That I miss him.

I beg my heart
Plead reasoning
Denouncing how it feels.
We don't belong together
We can't pull stars from the sky
We can't change fate.
He didn't want me
For better or for worse.
Why after all this time,
Does it still hurt?

I don't want to love him
Anymore...

You want to take the wings I've earned, I sense it beyond your touch. You wrapped your hand around my throat, and it become too much.

You think that you're the only man, to ask of me what you do. But in reality, there have been countless before you.

I pace this room to ease your pain, it sinks within my skin. Another scar from your heartache burns. So much to say, I can't begin.

I count the scars on my flesh, the hearts I've had and lost. You look at me like I'm the monster, but never ask the cost.

I travel the Mountains of Misconception, and camp along the Stream of Sorrow. Counting all the collapsible dreams, I utter prayers for a better tomorrow.

This rain cloud keeps on following me, my clothes soaked with unshed tears. Shadows keep attacking hope, whispering my worst fears.

These boots I wear upon my feet, have magic stitched in the seems. The gypsy that I bought them from, promised they help accomplish dreams.

At night I wish on falling stars, when my mind turns away from rest. Everything in my ****** life, is just another test.

His name sits on parted lips, I keep it close to heart. As I move to close this great distance, that tries to keep us apart.

I wonder if I could just let myself shine.

But you see, I hold back all my light.

Always being fearful, that I would shine to bright.

If I could linger in a moment long enough to find,  where it is along the way... That I lost my mind.

If I could dance across the endless sky, wrap the wind around me in a tight embrace.. Maybe I could be complete in that time and space.

If I could find a loving soul, then maybe the magic walls would fade.

If I only could for once, find shelter in a home that I have made.

If I could count the endless stars in the night, and let the light alter my view..

If I could just let it all go, and fall in love with you.

I had loved him
Through the darkness
Past resentment
And beyond
The missing pieces.

As I bent before him
I choked
Tears coming forth in overflow
My heart no longer
Whole.

The truth is
He stopped loving me
So long ago
That I begged him
endlessly
Not to let us slip
Not to lose me within this void.

You can’t reason
When the world crumbles
You can’t hold ruin
With trembling hands
Expecting words
To mend
what
Has been lost
And left behind.

He's already drifting into shadow.
Fading...
until one day he will become memory and song.

Perhaps he'll always be this empty place in my chest,
forever aching for a harmony I never had the privilege to know.

This space between seems so deep,
or maybe its wide...
it is not as vast as the ocean,
or as endless as the sky.

It's almost like a book I will never finish.
A scent I will never place.
A song I will never hear.
A feeling I'll never fully know.

Whispers always asking if he misses me too.
The beauty of music slightly dimmed with his absence.
But it is now just a broken lullaby,
and I could never find all the forgotten words..

Words I can't form cut my tongue,
leaving my red lips stained with heart.
I can't get over how he left me,
how my world crumbled,
utterly fell apart.

This new place echos in silence,
the minutes just endlessly tick away.
I would have given anything,
just to make him stay...

He was my favorite fascination,
I told him from the start.
Cupid's arrow cursed us both,
when it broke on hardened heart.

I don't know how to let him go,
but it destroys me deep inside.
All the secrets that I've swallowed,
how he still bends and breaks my pride.

All I've ever wanted
was for him to love me,
but years left and I suffered the most.
This man who's world is bleak and grey,
Still lights my way,
but he's now sincerely just a Ghost.

I've written his name on my *******,
because it can never escape my lips.

He's only for me,
My very own secret.

He could breathe for me,
Because he makes me forget how.
Pressing his mouth to mine and his palms to my bare chest.

I could let him break me,
Bend me into submission.

I want so badly to leave lipstick stains in forbidden places,
and the scent of my perfume on his skin.

Butterflies can't be suppressed,
nor can the effect he has over me.
Setting me on fire as I seal his name away,
the taste of our secret lingering always on my lips.

Tell me when you look at me
do you see me for who I truly am?
Or do you   w i s h  
to see me for who you want me to be?

I am not all that you think I am.
What if one day
that comes    suddenly  
as    all    days    should.
You look at me and find
I am some one new.
Not
who you think I am.

I told you
shown    you    me.
Given you a piece of my soul.

You don't know me anymore?

That's because you never saw me.
Who I truly am.
For all I am to you has been your imagination.

I have always been,
never less
never more
never fake
never anyone
other then MYSELF

It must make you feel good that you broke me.

Took any stability that I had, and invested it in lies.

It chokes me.

I can't remember to breathe...

I see your hands around my neck, but I can justify it to my last breath.

The hand prints on the wall don't match my own. But you don't care that you never saw me clearly.

All you care about is the satisfaction you get from the aftermath.

I'll clean up the broken pieces. As long as you remember that, your the reason I'm left incomplete.

Sometimes I think his scent still lingers on my skin.

Scars impossible to erase no matter how hard I scrub.

His need for me always urgent.

Firm forceful hands always taking more then I want too give.

The secret is pain can be such pleasure...

Making love to monsters in the dark. Eyes closed and gasping.

Physical need overwhelming,
And fireworks no where in sight.

Sometimes I think his scent lingers on my skin.

Scars impossible to erase no matter how hard I scrub.

His need for me always urgent.

Firm forceful hands always taking more then I want to give.

The secret is pain can be such pleasure..

Making love to monsters in the dark.

Eyes closed and gasping.

Physical need overwhelming,
and fireworks nowhere in sight.

Dust me off
As if
I had never been tucked away.
As if
Time never lapsed into a greater space. Dust me off
and see me only as I am now.
  As if
I never have been beyond
or before
this moment.
Dust off
what you Placed on a shelf to protect                      As if
its worth watching fade.
As if
This corner holds enough light
Just for me.
Dust me off
And see me through the looking glass As if
I'm much to delicate to touch.

I drowned once in the bottom of a bottle.

The infinite possibilities weighing over me, endless as the sky.

But he beat me..

So I prayed for strength.

I drowned twice in the bottom of a bottle.

Regret a heavy burden.

All the things I could have done, counting the casualties of my blindness.

I drowned three times in the bottom of a bottle.

Rock bottom never hurt so bad.

Realizing fairy tales don't come true.
No prince can slay my demons.

I surfaced when I realized,
That I must free myself.

Now I count my days and still I pray for strength.

I've hidden you away.

Tucking secrets into the cement cracks.

Burying all emotion alongside the person I used to be.

Sometimes it feels like a faded yesterday.
Yet years of your absence grow stale and suffocating.

I burned the edges of memories.
Hoping to blur those moments I once vowed to keep forever.

I took the blame when I broke your heart.
In that moment I became stuck within these walls.

I've hidden you away.

Now you're just a name that lingers on my lips,
And an ache in my heart.

I wish I knew the women I see, when I look at my own reflection. Age and scars marked into skin, I can count all the imperfection.

Age escaped me, and time turned thief with backward rhymes of yesterday. Watching age set into the surface, youth the cost I had to pay.

My hair flows around my face, I wish I recognized this beautiful vision. But I am just a frame of myself, binded by Destiny's decision.

Epiphany knocked me on my ***, I break my own heart every ******* time. I crumble and fall to pieces, over what the stars won't speak divine.

Who is me, this women I see, when glimpses come into view? A small fragment of myself, a memory of me, like someone I once knew...

I could cry a river of "what if"
Or
If you prefer I could write a list of all my fears.

Or maybe if you get close enough,
I'll tell you why I hate mirrors.

Secrets stained red on lips that must only    part to    breathe.
Scarlet letter branded on her chest,
To love only means to deceive.

Let me tell you about whiskey, I hate it just as well.
I drowned in the bottom of a bottle once, after I saved myself from hell.

I tucked it away and pushed it aside, When I begged for help from the start. Crimson secrets burned on my lips, and now scars marked on my heart.

He stands
Firm
An immoveable foundation
That shields me
From a darkness
That seeks to claim me.

He lights my way
It spills forth from within
Illuminating the farthest corners
When I am blind
To the world
and consumed
I look towards the radiance
That he himself holds.

He stands next to me
Lending me strength
Finding a courage
Within myself
That never existed
Until now.
Doubt erased
And replaced with the knowledge
That I am capable
And Divine.


He loves me
Uncertainty never forms
His affection never held
Always in abundance
It wraps around me
Cementing me in a place
Of comfort
And peace
This intimacy
A gift
That I have never known before.

Where do you start with a thing such as this, secrets don't easily escape. No friend around I turn to pen, and confront what I can no longer forsake.

I sit head bowed no place to go, counting all it is I lack. It's over now and all in ruin, I know I can't go back.

Monsters touch me in the night, they leave me used and broken. These lips of red have scars themselves, from all thats left unspoken.

Age takes away my youth, I never had much from the start. Men lay broken in my wake, because I guard so much of my heart.

I have his name next to me, the one who's tearing me down. Confessions put to pen and emotion in ink, so my tears won't make a sound.

He took something from me that I never wanted to give him.

Intimacy abandoned with secrets uncovered.
Burning new scars into my skin,
I'm left hurt and raw.

Tears fall without permission.
Flowing from me until I'm submerged enough to drown.
Oh please...just let me drown...

Tea leaves scattered in my cup cast the same pattern thrown along the floor.
The aroma of desperation so strong that he wears it like Cologne.

I won't let him kiss me anymore,
As I'm tired of the lies his lips tell and the metallic taste they suddenly hold.


Now I falter on broken wings.
He's a thief,
but I don't know how to stop my heart from loving him.

Our love is
untouchable.
Deeply rooted
and forever growing.
Built on a foundation
that's unbreakable
and unchangeable.

Exceeding
this world
and surpassing
what's come before us.
Our love
is soul connected
clear and profoundly pure.

I cry in secret
silent sobs
  shake me.
Tears roll     quietly  
and fall
    wasted
around me.
Leaving a taste
of disdain
from showing
weakness.
I resent
what you
have made me become.
               Damaged
Beyond repair.
Ill never expose
     the impact of you
crushing me.
.....repeatedly.....
I cry
in secret
quiet sobs
   shake    me.
You will never have
        the satisfaction
of seeing me cry.
Or the realization
of how           badly
you have broken me
               into pieces.

I could fill my hands with wishes.
Vials of fairy dust tucked deep in my pockets.
one day,
I might need it.
But that day I think may never come.

Prayers whispered on red stained lips,
but they drop sincerely,
with to much heart.
Silence says to much in ways I can't comprehend.

Wind says that it can take me to a place, where shadows can't haunt me.
Sorrow can't sit on my door step,
reminding me of things that want to consume to much of me.

Monsters grab me in the night.
Profanity and ****** don't mix well with whiskey.
My stomach is always twisted in knots of strangled butterflies.

I could be a runaway.
Just another face on a milk carton,
or those cluttered bulletin boards at Walmart.
I fade away so easily,
flowers in my hair and feet bare,
sunshine warming my face.

Sometimes I think his scent lingers on my skin.

Scars impossible to erase no matter how hard I scrub.

His need for me always urgent.

Firm forceful hands always taking more then I want to give.

The secret is pain can be such pleasure..

Making love to monsters in the dark.

Eyes closed and gasping.

Physical need overwhelming,
and fireworks nowhere in sight.

He mentioned my favorite book in bed,
reading my thoughts aloud,
and stripping me further.
How easily I fell for him.

Misplaced is this part of me,
I can no longer find.
Tossed bedside earrings that fell carelessly,
becoming abandoned in bedsheets.

I dream of him less now,
fading knowledge that his body,
once fit so perfectly with mine.
His eyes carry so much depth,
that I couldn't discover reason.

Distance fills this gap,
so I tuck it away into corners.
Swept emotions into the closet,
pushed away with missing him.

I must love the wrong way,
always knowing,
he wouldn't stay.
taking the most intimate part of me offered,
I stand here,
between space and silence.