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 May 2014 AuntieBelle
Kathleen
I am a peripheral *****.
I brandish my notebook
Like a chef brandishes his dish-rag.
Where do wizards keep their wands?

I build worlds out of words
Universes out of silence;
Universes that can be destroyed
With a single eyebrow.

I am a calculator.
I am a thermometer.
I am a clashing painting on the wall.
I am a question.

I am as much as my pencil.
I am as much as my frame.
I am as much as my stains.
(I am as much as the buttons unbuttoned on my shirt collar.)
 May 2014 AuntieBelle
Nightmare
Dear ******, read closely
    You have no tallent, go die please
    PS, **** my *****.
The next time he texts me,
I'm going to text him back something pretty nasty,
To show him how much he's hurt me,
And to make him look like a ******.
Hello baby
Hello Love
Hello sweet heart
Hello

Hello meanie
Hello ******
Hello *****
Hello

Hello Daddy
Hello Sister
Hello Gramma
Hello

Hello me
Hello you
Hello all
Hello
The girls, the dames,
every petty thing.
The skirt, dress,
every pretty scene.

The way they tap toes
at the throws on the floor.
How bobbing their head
plucks doubt into the rhythm,
they miss the point,
but their clothing dons precision.

I'm up on stage.
They watch me from below.
Like the kneed posture pleated jeans,
patella to the floorboards.

“I saw your show.”
“No you didn't.”
But people saw you staring blankly
past.
hands me a drum stick.
“Can I have your autograph?”
“I'll do you one better.”
I stick the drumstick 6 inches in my ***.

“You sounded great...”
“No I looked like I was fake”
I acted, I stressed, I posed,
and I played.

“Lets have ***”
I say “No.”
It was just a show.
The act is done now the curtains
boast.
I don't bow.
I walk on out.
Through every living zombie
permanently in the crowd.

Put your ******* back on.
You will never mean anything to any of those stupid ******* girls.
Instead they will put your nudes on the internet and ruin your life.
You will think you did something great.

You were used.
He enters the room, smirk on that hideously gorgeous face. The *******.
Walks by the young girls like he owns the swag of a thousand Biebers.
He is mistaken. Or are we?
"Push the air through your diaphram" he says with a sly grin, looking across the room at her.
She looks back. Defiance on her lips? No. Intrigue.
Their eye contact puts a weight on bystanders; The building pressure of a crescendo waiting to be released.
She breaks it. He frowns.
He is impressionable but very rightly so.
She sighs.
Victory sings an out of tune pitch.
He walks over, dragging Zachary's broken French horn behind.
Looks like this student will have to wait; His teacher is on a mission.
"Mission accomplished" he thinks as she sits on his living room couch, wine of glass in hand.
He resides in his bedroom, awaiting the inevitable.
He walks out to find an empty wine glass and an empty room.
In a certain sense, you’re right
I led you on
I pulled the strings that guided your actions
Upon movie dates and way too many dinners
I could feel your feelings flail at me every time I drove you home
You were happy you found me…
Then the conversations slowly stopped
I stopped seeing you
I stopped answering calls
I stopped responding to texts
I stopped existing in your life
I stopped becoming a name in your daily sentences
You were sold on the idea that once I had *** with you multiple times
That my quest was over. My Journey was complete
Now I can fall down this empty pit
And be open to all the slurs and hatred you flail at me like used-to-be feelings
This is how you feel

This is how I am..
I stopped the war in our relationship
So I could focus on the Genocide that was constantly raging in my brain every time I was with you felt your heart beat and noticed it wasn’t in rhythm with mine
Like hers used to be…

Once upon an October I lost love
Regained it
Then was murdered by it in the summer
Although my name wasn’t in the obituaries
If there was a news paper for body parts
That’s where you’d find my heart

When she left I took her face
Like a serial killer
I ripped it off and tried to mask it over
All the girls that wanted to show me love on the weekends

They couldn’t fit her dress

They couldn’t fit her shoes

They couldn’t fit her smile

They couldn’t fit her body
You beautiful girls mean nothing to me

In the end
Yeah, I left you
Because I’m not a kid
I can’t keep playing pretend

You cried, yelled and slapped me
Yeah, I wanted to hit you back
For not understanding

So,
This goes to all of you
When you see me out about swept up in the nightlife that this town brings
Focus on the different girls that are at my side
And crop them out
Take a copy from my past and paste it on my present

Call me a man *****
Sometimes I can’t take it
I try and find  lost love in pointless ***
Call me a ****
That’s what you think I am
I haven't told anyone how haunted my brain is because of her
Call me an *******
Because I left when you needed me the most
Which I guess is worse than being connected to a lie detector
And asked the question, “Do you love her?”
Do you want proof on paper
Made from scratches about how much I don’t love you
Call me insane
Because I can’t let go of the past and everything
In my brain is pulsing because I still picture her in dreams

Or you can call me a child
Because I still like to play pretend
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