She lost herself in books
cigarettes
and music.
Because maybe she didn't want to be found.
She would always give you her all
because she never felt whole.
Her favorite places were the sea and the forest
because she could go there alone,
and let her demons play,
in the open space.
She would write among the tree's
and float among the waves.
All she ever wanted was love.
But she only found,
dying leaves
suffocating waves
lipstick stained cigarette butts
and sad songs that could put her to sleep.
and that's why she wanted to die.

She sits by the waves
and counts the ways
she could taste death's lips.
Partly because she misses you too much.
Death can be such a lovely thought.

I wanted to write your name on my skin
i chose a pen
but ended up carving it in.
Then taking a swig of gin,
tell my head started to spin.
I'll forget you even if it kills me.
It may be when i take a bath
with my head underwater too drunk to take a breath.
Or when i fall asleep on the train tracks,
too high to tell anyone goodbye.
Because that's better
then dying over and over
every time i see you with her.

Losing her mind
in the forest she spends her time.
Navigating along the forest floor,
better than she can breathe.
Because this puts her at ease,
along with the sea breeze.
She has yet to find herself,
but the forest helps.
She stays all night
only afraid of the monster within.
Slowly sipping her gin.
She falls to the forest floor
looking at the stars
wishing she was among them,
so she could be long dead.
You wouldn't believe the thoughts in her head.
In between two tree's in her bed.
She does what she does best
and falls asleep.
In between the tree's showing defeat.
But she can't stop crying in her dreams
so she wakes up to see
the tree's swaying in the breeze
calming her down.
The forest always gives her peace.

Her eyes red
from rubbing them raw.
Your throbbing head
From straining every muscle in your jaw
crying on your bed.
This is worse than death.
When your dead you have no one.
But it's better than feeling this alone.
Everything you said was a lie.
You didn't even say goodbye...
Why can't i stop crying?
I'm so weak
i crave a eternal dreamless sleep.

You fall asleep
in drunk defeat.
You tried to drown your demons fast
but they just laughed.
And watched you smoke your last in the pack
fall onto your back
onto the bed,
they roamed your head.
So you craved a nicotine high
then slowly closer you tried to close your empty eyes.
Forever questioning why
that boy laid his hand upon your side.
Walked in the rain with you outside
telling you lies.
You know they could have said,
he was the worst demon in her head.
Haunting me in bed.
Feeling dead in my dream filled sleep
I turned into a ghost would could breathe.
You, I was trying to reach,
I never got what I need
so I tested if I could fly.
Then finally I saw
your smile, understanding why.

You were a ghost inside her
that she couldn't get out.
So she tried to smoke you out
with cigarettes and drugs.
She tried to drown you
in *** and *****.
She tried to swallow you whole
with those little white pills.
She tried to cut you out
with razor blades and kitchen knife's.
The whole time she felt herself slipping away
she felt dead on the inside.
She realized she was killing herself instead.
Because you were only living in her head.