They never knew why
she wrote all the time.
Or why she'd listen to piano music all night.
Or why she'd never let anyone she her cry.
Or smile.
Or why she'd run outside
in the middle of the night
just to look at the moon and smile.
Or why she'd sit outside on a warm summer night and smoke
for awhile.
They never questioned her sad eyes
because they all heard her rehearsed lies.
They never knew that with her happiness she faked it
but the thing that she never knew was is she was going to make it.

I stared at the moon in the car,
clouds slowly drifting past it from afar
i wondered how it feel to be so alone but close to the stars
never being able to survive
without the sun's shine.
Like i couldn't when i stopped calling you mind
when i forgot the color of your eyes.
The sun would rise
and leave the moon alone to die.
Then come back the next night
just to leave again in the morning and let her die.
Because the sun made the moon alive just to **** it again.
Kind of like when you held my hand
and told me this was the end.

I told you i wanted to die.
As i laid down and cried,
but all you noticed was the smell of my alcohol breath.
You should have noticed.
You thought  it would be better for my sister to go yes
that would be best
right?
Because she has more of a fight
to survive
not me.
Not even as i lay down and for my death i plea
but should i go to the hospital?
No need.
Even when the days go by i never speak.
I get too much or not enough sleep.
But you think its not because of the dreams..
But everything is not as it seems.
I'm falling apart and breaking my stitching at the seams.
I can't ask for help
and you will never look
because you think i'm an open book...
Not one with pages torn and sadness filled words like "i can't"
because i'm insignificant.

By the lake
she sits on the back deck,
fingers running along her collarbones
protruding underneath her neck.
The night covers her like a blanket
wraps her in its cold, but comforting embrace.
Tears stream down her face
looking at the night sky
she wonders why
she's alive.
She longs to feel the warmth of love
but all she has is the night.
The only thing to curl up to in bed after she gives into sleep
no longer able to fight.
The only thing she can whisper to in the dark
is the dark itself.
The only thing she asks for help.
The only thing that can hear her helpless little yelp.
It joins her on her swim in the lakes
when she longs for a escape.
It would join her all the way to the bottom
if she decided to seal her fate.
if the night and darkness are the only thing
that's been there for her,
then why would sinking to the bottom of the lake make her unsure?
As she floats towards the black sand
she see's night looking down at her and feel's darkness
take her hand...
And off to the bottom they swam.

What's she's feeling shows on her skin
this self harm game she'll never win.
She enjoys it when she sin's.
You could call her a sinner
or a cutter.
But it won't stop her from taking that drug or blade
for another.
Her mind she got from her mother.
But the pain is like any other
praying to her father,
she's asking,
"how do i recover?
why do i even bother?
should i scream louder?".
Or will they yell at her for crying wolf?
calling her a fool
because they couldn't understand her "help".
They never understood how she felt
they always believed someone else
like the medicine on her shelf.
So she killed herself.

I laid on those train tracks,
with cement blocks
holding me in place.
My mouth covered in tape
so when the train came
i wouldn't scream.
I could still cry,
but i never felt the need to try.
I felt the need to die.
I heard in the distance the train sigh,
I felt death lay down next to me and smile.
He knew the train wouldn't take awhile
so did i.
So i looked up at the sky
for the last time
i smiled,
turned my head to the oncoming train
felt the tear of the sky's rain.
Then i felt no pain
i closed my eyes
said goodbye to the sky
then watched the train pass me by
death driving by with a smile.

crated to an imperfection
the moon and her's reflection.
Glowing back at her in the lakes surface
she wasn't nervous.
She came here for a purpose.
She sank her feet into the sand
felt the water with her hands
looked up at the moon
thought of your face
quickened her pace
lowered her head underwater
and never came back up to the lakes surface.