Sometimes I find myself in the middle of the ocean
Floating on a raft made of love letters
Everything feels right, I feel safe
My head is light as a feather and my feet lift me to the sky
Eyes closed
But love letters were never meant to survive drowning
Neither was I
Without warning, my body slips beneath the surface
And my head is still up in the clouds

He made me feel like I was his
He made me feel owned
He made me feel like I was only there to please him
I was only his trophy wife
He made me look at myself through a fun house mirror
I tried to purge the words he would whisper to me
I tried to burn off the fingerprints he left on my skin

He made me angry
He made me an angry and irritable version of myself
He made me violent towards myself

And it was my fault
It was my fault when he was jealous
It was my fault for not being strong enough
It was my fault for feeling like I had to keep secrets
From the same man who made me violent towards myself
From the same man who hates me when I don't act like his girlfriend
The same man who said "I can change", "I can change", "I can change"

It took three tries push him out the door
It took five tries to burn off his fingerprints
It's been 5 months and I'm still trying to **** out the poison he left me with

I'm sorry I have to say that as far as I can tell, you don't care about me nearly as much as I do you.
I'm sorry these words must be spoken.
I don't want my heart to be broken.
I need my thoughts to be proven true or false.
As far as I can tell, time has changed us.
Simply, my love is written in every message and poem.
My love is written in every car ride and every fear or worry.
My love is written clearly with black ink
And yours is written on a foggy window.

Do you think about me when you're going to sleep?
Do you think about me when you drink another glass of ***?
Do you think about me with love or lust?
Do you think about me at all?

I'm sorry my moonstruck man.
I'm sorry my lovely.
I'm sorry.
But you simply do not love me as much as I do you,
Or at least, you don't show it.

Coming up with the right words has always been difficult for me
I write and rewrite and delete and rewrite and rewrite and rewrite and rewrite until I become exhausted
Of thinking, crying,
Of myself
I hardly share the things I write
I hate them
I hate them
I hate them
Half the time, I hardly know what to say
Or how to start.

Dear Men,
but not "all men"
As a woman
I feel unsafe anytime I leave the house.
I am terrified of the dark,
I am never alone,
I am taught to be polite
Dress nice
And never leave my drink

Women are supposed to
Accept a world where there is victim shaming
Accept a world where our biology is a business

Women are supposed to
Be easy, but not too easy
Cover up but still "look ****"

As a woman,
I have be threatened
I have be abused
I have be taken advantage of
I have worried about my self image

But women are more than their appearances, their disorders, their biology.
Women are powerful, independent, free-thinkers, intelligent.
Women are whatever they want to be.
Women are more than what the media says.
Women are goddesses and any hate thrown their way is just kindling to their fire.

I lost something special
It was my own fault
I didn't have my eyes open wide enough
I didn't look up
If I did I would've seen all the beauty
All of the promise

Every day
I regret every day that I stared at the ground
Just letting life pass me by
Letting people slip away
As if they were the leaves in autumn
I let them fall and disappear into the winter weather

A spark breeds into a roaring flame,
it screams "notice me!"
The flame exhausts itself into ashes
Burned out and drained.
Wind carries those ashes away,
and paints the pavement with their remains.

Passersby lift their chins
because its easier to ignore then it is to face facts.
Those ashes lay there as a reminder
for those whose flame is ready to ignite

There is strength in masses
but not if they are all burning (alive).