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 Dec 2014 AS
i
fire and flame
 Dec 2014 AS
i
I wanna get really drunk and tell you all the things I'm too afraid to tell you sober,
and I want you to call me drunk and whisper my name and tell me that you've been in love with me all along but we both know how stubborn i am and how proud you are and we both know that you deleted my phone number a long time ago and you're not planning on calling it any time soon but that's okay,
I'm okay.
I'm fine without you, no matter how much my heart burns and my head aches of your absence and how I find relief in my own puddle of tears, mixed with blood, bled only for you.
You were my sunshine when i wanted rain, and my star when I wanted clouds and I guess I was just the skip of your heartbeat, and just a mere breath taken away,
I still think about kissing you all the time, but it seems to hurt much more now as my hopes turned to cigarette butts and you being mine turned to dust.
I guess you were just the fog polluting the air, and I found it hard to breathe around you, you were the summer rain nobody wanted but I liked summer rains, they washed all my pain away, while the sun was still shining.
Maybe I was just the dirt on your shoes, you cleaned me over and over again, making me disappear and I always came back on rainy days where you accidentally step into a puddle of mud and I'm once again stuck on your shoes.
The frickle of sparkle in your eyes has me thinking and everytime I look myself in the mirror and focus on my dull eyes, all I see is you.
I wonder what kind of thoughts cross your mind every time you lay your eyes on me, and it's so wrong of me to be satisfied with the smile of pity on your face everytime you see me.
And i keep rereading all the sad poems I ever wrote you and it made me realize how much I was in love with you and how that unrequited love is slowly dying and fading away, the wind taking all the dust and broken pieces you left of me and making them sink into the sea.
Maybe this is your way of showing your power, the control you have over me, to brag to your friends about the pathetic girl who is in love with you and sees you through different eyes and finds you eternally fascinating.
And as i look through the window pane of my dad's car while we‘re driving through town, i see you in my own reflection and I see you on the sidewalk holding some other's girl hand and I see you in the moon and all the stars and rushing cars and I can't help it but you're my every thought, you have possesed me and I don't think I'm gonna survive this storm and I'm not even sure that I want to.
You're the fire and flame and I'm just a melted candle under your stare.
 Nov 2014 AS
i
everything for him
 Nov 2014 AS
i
i hope he wants the bad girls,
the ones with danger in their blood,
and mischief in their eyes.

i hope he likes he sad girls,
the ones with scotch in one hand,
a gun in the other one,
and a cigarette hanging from their
dry, unwanted lips.

i hope he needs the mad girls,
the ones with ***** hands and ***** mind,
making him go insane with just a lick of the lips.

i hope he loves the lonely girls,
the ones who spend sleepless nights
drinking beer from cans, hating
themselves for becoming something
they swore they‘d never become,
for bad, bad boys,
like him.
oh m.
 Nov 2014 AS
i
all my secrets
 Nov 2014 AS
i
his brown eyes are hiding
all the answers i need,
and opening even more questions,
and i don't wanna leave
this town honey,
unless you come with me,
so let me grab your hand
and take you where
the sun and moon colide,
where the darkness
extinguishes the light,
where the bad outstands the good,
the place also knows as my heart,
where all my secrets lie
and all your sins are buried,
and babe i just wanna
get lost in your eyes,
and show you how to kiss
under the pale moonlight.
i love you, idiot.
 Nov 2014 AS
i
carbon monoxide (5w)
 Nov 2014 AS
i
blue eyes
 Nov 2014 AS
i
electric blue eyes
of yours, blind to
reality, always
incomplete thoughts
drifting through
your messed up mind,
trying to find
some kind of way to
get out, to be
transformed into
words and music.
 Nov 2014 AS
i
i wish
 Nov 2014 AS
i
i wish
i could travel
to the moon
and bring you
back a stone.

i wish
i could touch
the sky that
is coated with
uninviting,
thick clouds.

i wish
i could have
the courage
and whisper
in your ear
how much
i love you.

i wish
i could ask
someone
to push me
into you,
and our lips
would crash.

i wish
i could die
from a sudden death,
and gaze at people's
reactions.

i wish
i could go
all night
kissing,
loving you.

i wish
i could turn
you into my drug,
and so,
you would be my death.
 Nov 2014 AS
i
located
 Nov 2014 AS
i
my body
is lying
motionless,
on the cold floor
in the bathroom
located at
the heartbreak hotel.
 Nov 2014 AS
i
good night
 Nov 2014 AS
i
he said it was too much,
to keep caring for a worthless girl,
he said it was too hard,
to keep loving her depressed soul,
he said it was too painful,
to keep watching her crumble,
he said it was too irritating,
to keep fighting for her,
and so,
he left with a few
hateful words directed
to her.

**but he never asked
how it was for her,
to deal with a scarred body,
a ****** up mind, and
an empty soul.
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