i want to forgive you.
i want to stop my passive aggressive nonsense,
call you, hug you,
hell, i'd cross country run to you right now if i could
(and we both know how much i hate running).
hi,
i kinda
sorta
miss you tons,
miss your laugh and smile and
the way you run your fingers through your hair.
this isn't the kind of heart wrenching pain that you feel when you say goodbye forever,
(you know i know what that feels like)
but more like a subtle pang in my heart
when i picture your face.
it’s the tangled feeling i get in my tummy when
it feels like all my organs twist in a ball
because i haven’t heard you say my name
a while.
so ask me what do i want to do?
i want to come and love you <3

today i feel like velvet.
forest green velvet, to be exact.
today i flow like a waterfall of jazz notes,
a crescendo over a tuxedo piano.
my soul feels soft;
slinky, too,
like it could melt with anyone and
create something beautiful.
today i taste like salt,
mostly because tears are sliding down the back of my throat
and my eyes are the Dead Sea
and oh god, you actually thought i was sugar, didn't you?
today i am a nightmare,
robed in a lacy white dress and stuck under a peach sky.
i'm sure you'll tell me i look beautiful.
would you say the same if you knew i wrote about you?
today i am the ink of a ballpoint pen...
i'm sure you know what it's like to doodle calligraphy
on the corner of your math homework when suddenly
and ink blot appears
where the last letter of my name should be.
well, that's me.
everything is perfect--
until it's not.
today i am beautiful trauma.
try to hold me down.
i dare you.

isn't it crazy to think
that tomorrow could be the day i fall in love?
tomorrow could be the day
i make someone my everything,
perhaps a classmate i've never noticed or
a friend who,
up until tomorrow,
was nothing more.
perhaps the barista that takes my order with a wink
or the cashier at Wawa
that rings up my lonely pint of Ben&Jerry's.
isn't it crazy to think
that  everything could change in a few short minutes?
by thinking that it could all change tomorrow
might just help you
get through today.

They say love isn't supposed to hurt. But if it doesn't break your heart, it isn't loving.

You are silent storms
in balmy summers,
and I am a drizzle
rushing down to
embrace the
tepid earth.

You are
steady hands on
a keyboard and I am
haphazard syllables
splattered on pages.

You are knowing nods,
I am half-laughed
arguments.You
are the stillness
of the sky,
and I,
the
rippling river.

You are the
strength of knowing
what colours are willing
to listen to, and I am the
unexpected blooming riots of paint.

You are red evening skies,
and I am three and a
half lonely stars
- a heart, a soul, a mind,
and whatever lies in between.

You are the changing of the seasons,
and I am a foreign wind on
your skin. We are both
autumn, and what
it feels like
to fall.

My father and I
lie down together.

He is dead.

We look up at the stars,
the steady sound
of the wind turning
the night like a ceiling fan.

This is our home.

I remember the work in him
like bitterness in persimmons
before the first frost,
and I imagine the way he feared
the pain, the ground turning
dark in the rain.

Now he gets up
and I dream he looks down
into my brown eyes
that may as well been his.

He weeps and says goodbye,
my son, I don't want to
go yet, but I can't wait
around to watch you die.