that's the problem with today's self-expression
everyone is too busy asking if theirs looks right

pain is beautiful, right?
that girl,
you see her over there-
what a **** shame.
she’s so sad...
maybe she’ll be my next
community service project,
maybe i’ll turn her pain
into shockingly bright beauty
see the boy over there?
his chestnut hair is disheveled ,
clothes rumpled like
he’s been wearing them for a week
straight.
roll up his sleeves-
those bright pink cuts are
still glistening ,
razor-straight like he used a ruler,
desperate
for even his pain to be perfect ‘cause
oh god who would accept it
if it wasn’t?
look at that wintery pale girl about
ten feet away...
look at that collarbone,
defined jawline!
aren’t you jealous of her self control?
her ribs are jutting out from
under her cheery yellow shirt but
as long as she has a “beach body,”
it doesn’t matter that
her organs are eating themselves.
don’t tell me pain is beautiful.
you can’t see what’s going on
beneath the surface.

"How do you fall out of love?
You don't talk with them, you'll fall into old habits. You go to the place you got together and fill it with new memories, so meeting them will be just another one in the past. You wash your sheets and clothing so nothing smells like them. You distract yourself so your brain eventually gets used to not thinking about them. You list everything that made them perfect and tell yourself these qualities can exist in anyone. You tell yourself that it means nothing when you hear their laugh again, everyone has one. Above all, you accept that none of this will work. You can't make yourself fall out of love, all you can really do is wait."

- Excerpt from a book I'll never write #623 (s.s)

it's okay to feel.
baby i know
the world is telling you you're weak if you
feel,
that the tears in your eyes symbolize your lack of strength,
but you've been strong for too long,
i know that, i do;
so honey
let  
     it
         go.
let those tears pour down your face
with the strength of a million wails,
scream! cry! let the sobs
tear through your body
until the moans can barely escape your lips.
let your face contort
into a picture of agony,
feel each
individual string in your heart
pull
pull
snap.
fall on your knees, pound the floor
jesus let yourself be "weak."
and then pick yourself back up,
fix your smudged lipstick, and
learn to forgive the world
and yourself.
learn to live again.

this is not a love poem
not a "i love another person" poem
not a "you make my world go round" poem
not a "thank you for saving my life" poem

this is a poem
about all the things i have never found the courage to say
this is a poem dedicated
to me, myself, and i

to the me from six years ago,
it is alright to cry
you need no longer
dig the edges of your nails so deep into your skin that it leaves a mark
physical pain to erase the emotional pain
you need no longer think that way

to the me from five years ago
you're beautiful
even if they all make fun of you for the mark of beauty on your face
yell at you that you are terrible
one day soon you will realise you are extremely beautiful

to the me from three years ago
i wish i could have stopped you from dating boys you didn't like
or stopped you from liking boys who did not deserve your affection
your self worth isn't dependent on how many boys like you
it's alright to be alone for a while

to the me from two years ago
pay no mind to those who laugh at your body
at your clothes
or at what you choose to share
your life is yours
so is your body

to the me from one year ago
i wonder why you were so angry
i wish you could've realised it sooner
that all you needed was right there
in front of you

to the me today
i'm sorry i took this long to build up my courage
there's are thousands of things more that i want to say to you
but for now
i will settle for

i love you

he said
you are so gorgeous in the way
you write yourself on paper,
i've never met anyone
to paint with words.
he said
the birds sing your praises
in the early morning sun,
the dew still heavy on blades of grass.
he said
i have never seen such beauty
grace my irises of green,
never known the word perfect
until i told him my name.
he said
you
        are
                my
                        universe.