I would like nothing more than to lie on a bed of warm grass
As the summer rains wash my whole world away
Shower my soul crushing sins into the earth
The autumn leaves will bury me as my body is consumed by the soil
Roots from the willow trees will coil like a serpent around my body
Cold and blue from the winter snow
And proceed to drag me far below

My veins, once full of woe,
Now make a root system six feet deep.
Like my heart, my skin hardens to create a shield
that is tough and rough to the touch
What was once my limbs now multiply and reach out to touch the sky
Fragile limbs that bear fruits amongst its leaves

There is a story of me, and it goes as so:

A woman will find me amongst a garden.
She will take hold of one of my sins in her hands
And from it take a bite

She will be ******, as all women are.
The utopia is taped off, now the sccene to the worst crime
The fate of humanity now digests in her stomach
And everyone will blame her
And label her the First Sinner

But my fruit was poisoned from my sinful ways long before she took a bite.

Helpless I was not
Never shall I make the mistake
Of leaning on a shoulder
To keep me sane

When I met you
There was no definitive sign
No gut feeling
Whispering “Him... him!”

It was just you and I
A couple of strangers standing
Exchanging names and numbers
A simple coffee run

I know it’s the way it should be
There doesn’t always have to be
A fairytale signal
A wordless “fate” whistled by wind

Things for us
Are calm and wonderful
Just two souls making the best
Of time so cherished
/Simplicity!/

Walking on clouds
Is precisely what it feels like
To avoid comparing every man
To you

Impossible

I can’t help but chuckle
When they say something
Word for word what you’d say
I hear your voice instead of theirs

You’ve set a bar so low
That it’s actually high
Many of them don’t need to play limbo
Yet my heart still blocks the gate

I try to imagine doing all the things
We said we’d do with them
But it just feels like an empty hole
In the pit of my stomach
It makes me sick

It’s tedious to know
You’re out there living life
And I’m trying to find one
Without you

Yet no matter where I journey
Whom I meet
I can’t bring myself to see them
Because it’s you I’m still looking for

I still love you.
You broke me,
Shattered my heart until it was dust,
Set my soul aflame and watched me burn,
But I still love you.

You said you didn’t love me
I cried and begged on my knees,
Stay, please stay
Don’t leave me
I held you so tight my nails broke,
I could no longer breathe.
I still love you.

It makes sense to me now
She seems cute and sweet,
Yet underneath sits a snake.
Her poison runs through your veins,
You like her
And I still love you.

My womb held our child for 9 months
Tears shed when she stopped crying as you held her,
Yet three months later,
You seemed to forget
But I still love you.

Days pass with no sound
My heart fills with loneliness.
Do you still love me?
I don’t know you anymore,
But I still love you.

Come back to me
Come back, please
Because I still love you.

Jesus looks down on me
A tidal wave of hope
Crushed and smashed against the rocks
It drowns with everything else

Somehow I make it to the nearest town
Looking for shelter
I stumble upon familiar roads
See familiar faces
Faces that may haunt me forever

I climb up a lighthouse
It should be the key out of here
It should show me all my future
It should have helped me

Instead I only see the somber clouds
And mystic fog settle in
I can’t help but watch the water pull in and out again
Drifting back and forth
Moon playing tug-of-war

I can’t stand looking at the familiar view
The same thing over and over
So I must ask myself these questions again:

Do you know who you are?
Do you know where you are?
Do you know what has happened to you?

Jesus send me another wave
This time of peaceful realization
Don’t send me away

Eve of Christmas Eve,
Cross-legged in my reindeer tights,
Sipping stew from a spoon,
Spoon should be bigger, stew needs more meat
More seasoning, I should adjust the ***
Simmering, boiling, stirring
Christmas record playing in the living room,
Lights above the door frame, lights about the fireplace
Lights on the trees outside in the drive

So it's warm in the kitchen, warm from cooking
Baking cookies, chopping onions
This old wood house gets cold but that's alright,
While we keep the fire alight
You'll come in from chopping firewood in the snow
Spin me round and bury into my neck, your icy nose
While I yelp
"Put me down!
Or else kiss the sugar and cookie dough that I missed
Off my cheeks, and just for good measure, my lips"
I forgot to hang mistletoe

It's eve of Christmas eve, my toes tucked under your thigh
Under this blanket we've curled within
There's nothing but a hunk of bread left on the table, the record's spent, and on the TV, credits roll.
A small plastic tree on your desk,
Presents in the closet ready to go
The fire laying low, as we drift asleep, the snow drifts grow outside,
I've got nothing left on my wishlist, no more dreams I can never unwrap, if you just promise...
No, just this is quite alright.

We're coming to our end
It was inevitable
A simple sunset

It's not as painful this time
Perhaps I'm numb to the feeling
To the lies and secrets
Although you aren't the bad guy

And neither am I

The truth used to lie in songs:

Breakeven, I'm falling to pieces..

You're no longer the best part of me

Someone Like You

Is no longer something I wish to find

Say You Love Me

Don't say it, because I don't know if I can believe it

Say Something

Even if you beg me to stay, I'm leaving for myself

These songs used to carry
The truth in every word sung
But now they don't apply
I do but don't know why

Some songs-
They still mean what they always did:

Heartbreak.