i'm usually the girl that writes the sad songs.
but somethings evolved that changed the way i feel inside.
i feel like i've finally made a decision at the crossroads.
and you weren't the influence that made me decide.
i feel like we've been attached for much too long.
every move i made i looked at you for your approval every time.
then i learned that i was stronger than i had even imagined.
and i learned the power of my own mind.

so finally i can say the words i'm okay,
I'm much more decisive than i thought i'd ever be.
and i can do anything i want to without feeling any slight ounce of shame.
i didn't expect this positive change.

is this air or smoke in my lungs?
I'm just a girl, i've got guts and skin and bones.
But nothing is good enough.
even when i've worked until my strength is gone.
I fight harder than anyone i've ever known in all my life.
yet still i'm running in circles, trying to cut through steel with a knife.


i have lost my grip on anything that's ever mattered. now i can't keep hold of anything at all.
I even feel myself slipping away, the grounds escaping from under my toes.
everyone's voices are much too loud, and my walls have come down, i'm naked in front of a crowd of faces,
that see through me and so, why do i bother to put on a show?

is this all a bad bad joke?

i never used to be this girl.
I feel like a part of me has been taken from this world.
i'll never get it back.
i'll never get this person back.
every day is just another disease.
another thing will end up plaguing me.
-when will i grow out of this.
i can't give people something to miss.

sometimes i feel like i can fly.
but sometimes i feel so low i can't even see the sky.
sometimes i can feel the heat from the sun.
sometimes i know it's there but i hide away until the monsters have gone.
and i can't stay like this.
but i don't know how to change it.

my hands and knees have met the ground.
from the highest ledge i've tumbled right down.
all i want is to feel like there's something i don't do wrong.
something that i can feel proud to have overcome.

nothing seems to line up quite right.
i just want something consistent that can help me sleep at night.
all these things that make me feel anything but alright, should fly away.
can i just escape this, and fly away.

i crawled out from under my skin today.
i stared at myself as i floated away,
and i watched everything change.
i witnessed everything fall away.
that's not an unusual story for me these days.

-because i never thought i could love you this much.
and when i think about you, i realize i do it way too much.
i remember when this all started, i knew how i felt, but i didn't know how this would grow.
i swear to you darling, i didn't know.

i lose a part of myself every time you look away.
and when you glance at me softly, i take it so hard.
i used to be strong, now i'm falling apart.
now i'm just this sad girl, writing songs so air out my heart.

because i never thought i could love you this much.
and when i try to cling to the light something pushes me back in the dark.
i remember when this all started, i knew how i felt, but i never would let it show.
i swear to you darling, i'll never let anyone know.

because seasons keep changing but i feel the same.
i'm losing parts of myself, but this here, it remains.
all i want is for you to say it, recipricate it. bury me in something other regrets and mistakes that i've made.

because i never thought i could love you this much.
and i know i've become pathetic when i imagine the feel of your touch.
i forget how this started, but i remember the hope that i felt, i put on the perfect show.
i swear to you darling, i'll never let this go.
and i swear to you darling....
and i swear to you darling....
if i'm left broken hearted, it'll hurt but i know, these feelings i've caught, i can't just throw.
forget the regrets, love what you know. i didn't think that i'd crave you, every time that you go.
i swear to you darling, i didn't know.
i didn't know.

another endless night,
where i cant get these words phrased together just quite right
where you eat up my mind from the inside.
and when i fall asleep, i know ill see you there.
sounds so sweet, i wish it felt that way too.
i wish i didn't feel that constant need for you.


so when the sun sets, i think it could all change tomorrow.
but when its light again, nothings changed.
another day spent either hopeful, or soaked in sorrow
but i'll wait a million more days

i'm so sick of loving you.
and guessing if you love me to.
use your words, it's not that crazy.
not as crazy as the idea of loving you.

every time my eyes meet yours, i shatter.
every time you step on me i feel my heart shatter.
i've lost touch with who i really am.
ive become this statue of a girl who i can;t stand.

so why can't you just let yourself love me.
why can't i tell you what i know?
why is there always someone else on your mind?
and why can't you let them go?
is this some sick joke? making me chase you around. a game of cat and mouse, and i'm just so worn down.

why can't i believe in myself.
you're the only one i know that has that ability.
to give me home, and then crush it in your hands, in front of my eyes.
and you just break me apart inside.

it's always going to be this way.
we'll never make the progress that i pray for every day

rip the words out from my lips.
i cant bare to speak this.
pry your face far from my eyes
so i won't stare this way.
the more i tell myself that i must be harsher on my heart.
the more i seem to fall apart.

if i could go back in time, and erase our conversations, every line, every you ever muttered, it meant nothing, but my heart puttered. and i wish i could just go mute. blind my eyes, and block all the sounds coming from you. i cant change this. even if im patient, im still gonna love you.

carry me over the hot coals.
you always save me, its like you want to.
and i don't know just how to read you.
or should i even try and study you.