my clammy my hands grasp on to my humanity as bit by bit slips through my fingers creating a more numb version of self what's left of me i don't like one bit but i can't help it i am trying and trying to hold on to once was as it floats in the air like the balloons on my thirteenth and the string gets too high much much too high and i yearn and i grasp and it slides from my fingertips up and up and away and away and i can't give a **** i'm a husk of what could be what once was floating through the stars i loved you i loved you i really did try but it wasn't enough not enough time not enough love not enough life
i lost myself and i can't find her and what's left of me can't care to try

I dream of looks that burn
And eyelashes that ****
To make grown men cry
And young girls whimper
Dressed to repress
And drowned in romance
and envious glances
Yet I falter for young daffodils
And joy and laughter
And I dream of love
And happy ever after
But I put so much effort
And care and tenderness
Into the thought of others
There's nothing left for me
.

it's safe to say that i do believe in soul mates
and you're the closest i've found
through feelings and thoughts and weather and boys
you'll be a constant source of comfort and reassurance
as we brace the cold front of adulthood together
and bare our souls out to each other
during dark and drunken nights
to the tune of top 20 pop music
and you're the only one
i've found safe
to consider
forever with

In the summer months you were a source of warmth
Burning too hot to touch
But as the weather outside cools down
Your skin became my blankets
And your heart became my pillow
But as the weather outside became cold
So did your heart
And as the rain fell down in drops, ice-cold
So did your words
And as the wind bites my skin harder
So did your thoughts of me
And as the days became shorter
So did your time with me

And soon enough I slept alone
With no blanket or pillow to keep me warm

my fingers feel like ice
my face feels red hot

forget, forget, forget
bury it deep inside
deep in the caverns
under vast oceans
no one will dare venture to
and a place i'll never go again

although i've missed grey skies
they're not as comforting compared
to your arms

although i've missed the soft sound of rain
it's not as soothing compared
to the softness of your lips
and the sound of your voice

although i've missed hot tea
it's not as warm compared
to lying in bed with you

I've lived a life without emotion
Repressed feelings and thoughts
But nothing can hold so tightly to anger
As my whitened knuckles can,
absolutely desperate to not let go.

I once knew a girl named Mary
With long blonde curls and dark brown eyes
She knows the depths of me that no one reaches
I wonder if she can remember me,

and I wonder if she writes