What colour is beautiful ?
        
         Beauty is a kaleidoscope, yet black is
         the ostracized shade.
         My skin is like a stretched canvas, exploding
         with hues and tones of blackness
         Swirled into one beautiful ...
         me.
         Why does the vibrancy of my essence have to be
         tamed into bland bite-size bits to be
         swallowed up by society.
         Is the flavour of my skin too rich and sweet
         for you to bear?
         Well, if you cannot handle the bitter sweetness
         that makes me a dark berry, then
         Stay bland in your conception of blank beauty.
         I am not one shade too dark for beauty.
         Black Is Beautiful.
         I Am Beautiful.

One : night
Two : drinks
Three : words, I love you

One : morning after pill
Two : times no period
Three : words, not my child

They all say, just get it taken care of
And by get it taken care of
They don't mean to care for it,
But to get rid of it / her / him...
Me

Time ticks faster
The stares linger
Longer
Judging eyes gawk at one
But sees two
Wagging tongues race to spread
Their supposed never - ending knowledge of my story
Faster
Forcing me to embrace the shame
Like a coat to warm my growing belly
Growing
Growing life
Replacing life
Demanding my four-year-plan to master a disappearing act

Just like mother
Listening to lust-filled lies of love
Love that won't help me
Love that mocks me
Love that scorns the ground
that I trudge my heavy laden body of two
To The Women's Centre
Love that can't take me back to my high school
Love that won't pay for it's future/ his future/ her future
My future
Just like father
My coat of shame gets heavier on my stretched skin


They say you might get sick
They say you could die
They say I might get sick
They say I could die
They say the mortality rate is higher
Because the age is lower
Will we survive?
Survive the pain of growing
Survive the pain of coming outside our wombs(shelter)
Survive the looks, the talks, the lack


One : cry
Two : undone hearts
Three : steps trudged forward

///

Either if that land comes to me
or if I go to near the moon
rather, if I count the distance between the heaven and the hell
whatever you see or say
but I see and say there is a space

How long or thick I don’t know, but there is a space
where there is a vehicle or wind even empty
and the spaces, we run through air, land or the sea
if there exists any light or dark,
even I go through the time on the light speed
there I have seen a long space

Even between you and me
a little or big space
the shadow,
when I close to you
it has grown compact and even sometimes turned to dark
I can't see you
rather I see there is a space between you and me

And the star to star
sun to other stars
earth and the moon
and the moon and me
where there is a you there is at least a little space
even it dark or light
neither true nor false
either life or death
there is a space between you and me
your road to my road
your home to my home
at least a river, ocean or a wall that has created a space
your heart to my heart
your soul to my soul
there is a little space either light or dark
my love, that grew the difference between you and me
///
@ Musfiq us shaleheen

There was a day,
When my fingers could not keep count,
Of the number of friends I had.
But those days are like a fairytale,
Never to return again.

They’ve all slipped through my fingers,
And I’m sorry for what I’ve done.
Even though to me,
It’s unknown,
Like a mystery.
Maybe I should summon Nancy Drew.

What went wrong ?
Maybe I wasn’t good enough for you.
Maybe I was just too much for you,
Too overwhelming.
Maybe I was too much of a luggage for you to carry around,
Too emotional.
Maybe I got too heavy
And you decided to place me into the middle of the road-
To take on the whole world in my hands,
That can barely hold a dime,
-or just to watch the world move on.

Maybe I was just too dark,
And relied on that blade too much.
Maybe I’m not pretty enough,
And my scars are too scary for you.
Or maybe it’s because I’m
D   i   f  f  e  r  e  n  t,
Just maybe,
It’ll always be maybe because you just disappeared.
Without leaving a message or note.
If it’s just to say:
“Talk to you soon”,
Even if it’s not soon.
You just stopped saying “Hi”,
And stopped showing that you ‘cared’

I’m sorry for being me,
But it’s okay,
‘cause if I was in your place,
I wouldn’t even stop to say “Hello” to me.

and if you knew,
truly knew.

you'd know,
how much i miss you
how much i yearned to be with you, just for one more moment.
one.

but its impossible,

we're now parallel lines.

Daddy what ?
Did you just say you love me ?
Daddy, did you just touch me ?
But wait,
I’m not you size
I’m only three
Just treat me right.
Did you just tell me to be quiet ?
I’m smart daddy
And I know this is violence.
This is abuse
Because at times I’m refused
And what is it now daddy ?
Clean your shoes ?


Daddy stop,
I’m getting old,
I’m getting wiser,
Bigger and bold.
Sooner or later,
You’ll be exposed.
What ?
You’ll **** me, you’ll take my life ?
No daddy please,
I’m your only child.


What do you want daddy ?
I’m now fifteen
Don’t you think you’ve seen and had enough of me ?
Don’t you think it’s my time to be free ?
Haven’t you felt enough of my body ?
Aren’t you happy  you took my virginity ?
You took my innocence
I’m now left with insanity.
Don’t be mad just listen please!


Don’t beat me, I did nothing wrong,
From I was one
I’ve been singing this unhappy song.
Your scars are engraved over my skins
From your treacherous whip
You say you care,
But if this is care,
Please stop caring.

Maybe you’re wondering why,
Why is it so hard to pry inside,
Inside of me, inside my mind
The crevices the corners and  literally to pry inside – to get between my thighs.
Well what you see is what you get.
The first time you saw me I was with my sister and you said that
I was the one with attitude,  
And to be honest the look in our eyes was saying “I want to kiss her” (mysister)
But in the end,
Your lips were glued onto mine
Your arms around my waist.
But the smell of your girlfriend was still on your shirt
and to be frank,
I think you miss her.

Now we’re in the middle of nowhere,
You and I,
I’m lost but you seem found,
Seems as if I’m all you want
And it seems as if
not even my heart latched onto my ex’s heart could keep us apart.
I know it’s been months
but I still have hope,
I still have the string which tied our hearts,
and it’s worn and I know I should let go,
But sometimes I can see him,
Sometimes I feel him coming back
But when I get a reality check-
when someone pinches me-
when I wake up,
I realize it’s the ghost of our love in disguise.
Our love is dead gone and buried.
He has laid it to rest.
And I still visit the tombstone,
and I take roses in case the ghost of our love smells it,
and it revives you know, come back alive,
and I also cry,  
shed tears maybe they’ll drench through
and be enough to revive our love again.
I also laugh,
Because that’s how you taught me to deal with problems,
“Just laugh at them”
Maybe one day I’ll laugh too loud,
And my tummy and jawbone will hurt
And our love will revive again,
And I’ll see you popping out from behind a tree.
But those are just maybes.

---
And I’m sorry that I can’t give you my love,
I’m sorry that I can’t let you have my heart,
But I can’t let another man rip it apart.
At least let me take time to heal.
I’ll need more than a doctor and bandages.