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antxthesis Aug 2014
For the first few minutes i had considered this little 'argument' a big joke
And i laughed and laughed
Oh how it sweet it was.
But when you said "******* Hasina"
It pierced my heart
I think pierce is a bit too slight
I think it's a bit too little to depict how wrecked i felt
Instead it was like a storm
A blow to the face
A hurricane
Oh how you filled my heart with pain
Oh how i felt ashamed and disgraced
I don't think I'd be wrong if i said it left a hole in my soul
And it took the whole of my heart.

And i will take the blame
I shouldn't have said "*******" in the first place.
But what you said was different
You used my name.
My heart cried !
And my soul died !
And i could feel it leave me
I felt it walk away
It left me numb
Almost dead.
Is this good bye ?
Or is this give him another try ?
antxthesis Jul 2014
What i want

It's 2:03am
And i should be sleeping
But I'm dreaming
Dreaming of you boy.

Dreaming of what i want
And what i want ..
Is you boy.
antxthesis Jul 2014
Maybe one day I'll find him
And when i do,
I'm sure as hell, that I won't hide him.
I swear I'll treat you like a king
Cause I'll be your queen
And we'll reign supreme.
I ain't perfect but I'll try to be
I'll give out all my love-
Enough for you and me.
So much love that we'll be swimming in it
We'll be dancing sleeping and drinking in it.
And then we'll get married and have babies,
And we'll treat them like little princes and princesses
We'll love them and we'll care no matter what.
I know we'll argue cause that's what couples do
But i won't last long..
Maybe just a minute or two..
And everyone would see us,
They'll look on
And our parents.. **** they'd be so proud.
And I pray that we'll last forever
And I'll love you like no other.
And you'll care for me so much and you'll know when something's wrong.
You'll know how to hug me and wipe my eyes when i cry
You'll know say you're sorry and mean it
And you'll see my scars and understand
And you'll look in my eyes and see
the pain
And through thus you'll love me just the same.
Oh dream boy..
Where are you ?
antxthesis Jul 2014
Been looking on my arms
And i realized for the first time in months that my scars had been to fade..
It's been 4 months since I've taken up this blade.
I've been on top of the world between then and now..
And now..
I feel like I'm at the bottom, intertwined with the earth's crevices and it's so dark and scary,
oh God but I'm okay.
My lover's got me high off him for months and
I've forgotten what the real world was.
I'd forgotten how cold and dark the world was.
And now I'm here sitting sitting and waiting.
And i can hear the blade calling calling and calling..
Taunting at my soul.
And I'm just crying, crying because it's been months and i was on the verge of giving up..
And i gave in..
Oh how peaceful it felt..
Oh how i felt at ease. Oh how beautiful the blood flowed.
So freely from the veins of my soul. And i could hear it screaming "freedom freedom at last".
And the tears never stopped flowing from my eyes..
For I've lost another battle..


I've lost.
  Jun 2014 antxthesis
John Stevens
Just a story.
When I was a kid... yes there was a time I was a kid, the garden was just South of the house.  Mom and I worked in the garden a lot.  Sometimes when she was not in the garden I would lay between the carrot rows, pull a carrot out of the sandy soil, brush off the sand and have a very fresh yummy carrot.  They were soooo tender they seemed to melt in my mouth.  Anyway, when I was finished eating the carrot I would put the top back into the hole.  No one was the wiser.  No one knew the difference or so I thought.  I did notice the carrot top would wilt which looked a little suspicious but... there was a gopher problem so maybe the gophers ate the carrots.  Sounded like a good story to me.  "Did the gopher eat the carrot mom?" "Yes probably so."

I found out years later.... Mom knew who the gopher was.  BUSTED.

I was telling this story to my grand daughter Lucy after school one day.  Her eyes brightened up and said, "That is a funny story grandpa."  So here it is added to the memories of a grandpa.  Lucy keeps telling people, strangers even, "you should hear this. Grandpa tell them about the carrots."  The story has latched onto her 5 year old brain and won't let go.

So... the next time you are eating a carrot... don't fib to your mom.
I remember that when the gopher pulled carrots too small, mom admonished the gopher "must let them grow bigger". I passed that bit of information on to "sir gopher".  The gopher listened. What luck.
  Jun 2014 antxthesis
Winter Allen Jane
I´m just an expert
in letting nice things go.
- w.a.j.
antxthesis Jun 2014
One lonely girl,
Isolated.
Many girls –
Students,
Few friends,
Where are they ?

Big room,
Cold air,
Shivering.
Dripping blood.
Shaking legs,
Restless.

Presenter..
Voice echoes,
Words fly,
None perch.
Maybe just a drops..
Like dew.

Little girl;
Sitting there,
Thoughts of you.
Take her hand .. ?
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