Vinyl spinning and my head too.
I paint my walls blue like the sky.
Lacy curtains in my bedroom.
And happiness is a spectrum.

Happiness is a choice, but not for everyone.
Happiness is a privilege I don’t always have.
Happiness is a road I’m still afraid to take.

And I used to be so crazy.
None of my friends know the songs I hum in bath.
I’m antique baby boy.
Me and Esther G would be chasing butterflies.

But she’s dead and I’m not.
I think of her watching limousines.
Let in the sun when it’s hot.
Cater the icon which I’m not.

Life is an illusion, it’s beyond what you can see.
Life is a deck, there’s cards you pull and deal.
Life is a gift, not everyone appreciates.

I used to love it like crazy.
My friends think I’m from a time machine from last century.
I’m antique baby boy.
And I used to be so crazy.

Claudia, you’ve had it rough.
Now lie down and think to yourself.
When the sun rises tomorrow, what will you wear?
Claudia, forget all my sins.
I thought you knew people change.
Your eyes are full of sorrow and the world’s in your hair.

You’re convinced you’ll be a star.
And tired, we know you are.
You’re trying, I see that too.

I won’t lay in your arms and I won’t be your lover.
Remember to stay strong and remain sober.
People that hurt you, they’ll burn in hell someday.
Promise you’ll keep fighting long as you can, girl.

Claudia, you’re headaches will end long as you know the truth from the lies.
No man will bore you out of sadness.
Won’t make you happy, cause I tried.
Claudia, now travel south to high grounds if you don’t wanna end up flooded.
Wear perfume and your favorite color.
Made up your mind what to wear tomorrow?

You’re convinced, yeah, you are.
You’ll become a star.
You’re trying, see it in you.
I believed in you when nobody would.
Invite me to your star in Hollywood.
Nothing wrong in being misunderstood.
Cause I got you.
Yes, I got you.

Ryan, is Texas sunny?
Do you like it there?
I’ll love you if you give me a plane ticket to Dallas and conclude your harlot days.
Ryan, I’m just one of many.
No more than ordinary.
I’m almost ready to relearn how to love for my *** days are at an end.

You say you want a boyfriend and want things to stay the same.
I’d fight my nature but can’t, I turn like a weather vane.
Four familiar notes play and suddenly I’m Virgil Caine.
But you, sweet boy, you stay the same.

And you’re too sweet for me.
I don’t even mean to sugarcoat, but I think that.
I’d give you what you want, but the miles in between won’t let me get closer to you.
Must be warmer where you’re at.
In Texas.

You need something I have an abundance of and nobody to rain it on.
But you’re in Dallas and all I can do is write this poem.
So enjoy the weather.
Bathe in the sun.
And good luck in searching for the light of your life.

We
We fell
We fell in love in a different universe.
We
We fell
We fell in love in a hopeful place.
Place your hand on mine, don’t take it away.
Face on my face, let’s make out till it’s late.
Wait till they figure out what’s going on,
behind close doors,
behind the walls.
Place where we are is unreachable.
Grace, I’m no longer scared of true love.
Ace of clubs, we’re just now falling in love,
wasn’t that long ago,
who would’ve really known.

We fell in love in a hopeful place.
Under palm trees in my favorite place.

Place I’m from it’s lost to corruption.
Hate to reiterate so don’t ask for more.
Save yourself pain, I’m a blank card now,
I’ve started over now,
pessimistic and low.

But we fell in love in a hopeful place.
Where stars come out, that’s my favorite place.

At last I’m free from my fear.
I’m sore but resilient after the fight.
For whatever I’ve left I remain here.
I’m not dying but following the light.

One is Attraction, the pull undefeated.
A willow swaying in a barren land that’s counterfeited.
The siren on the shore, the relentless deceiver.
Dilator of eyes, arrow of love that’s unrequited.
A lightning in a jar.
A vault full to the ceiling.
A crater from a star.
Ravaging like war feeling.

Two is Courage, the push of death and glory.
A volcano of heart spewing out lava, caved in quarry.
A dagger cutting deep, the vicious territory.
Mistake to rue, the driving factor of the story.
A temporary elation.
A heavy pen to write with.
An abrupt deviation.
Wings and a tall cliff.

Three is Confession, the towering dam collapsed.
A diary in the sun, the voice of compassion and lust.
Naked truth and waterfall, an iron door trespassed.
A glimpse of the future, a ripe fruit of the past.
A dark room entered.
A pink envelope delivered.
An amatory venture.
Beauty in something shattered.

Four is Rejection, the end of the world.
Calamity made happen, melted candle and the cold.
The night killer, umbrellaless in a downpour.
Coins in ripped pockets, a fractured soul.
Debris of cards.
The shortest kiss.
Excess of stars.
A bullseye missed.

I don’t drink
and I don’t party either
don’t do drugs
and not because of fear

I’m 21, but a rock solid introvert
social anxiety has me seeking cover
thoughts like stallions, I need to hold my horses
just sad
I’m way too young to be thinking about…

let’s not go down the rabbit hole
I’m not Alice
know no malice
but I’m not soft

why don’t we just go downtown
hit the store
our boulevard
lagoon palace

I cried for years knowing my baby was gonna die
and when she did it took me three days to stop
I was out of tears
and aware of afterlife
two nights after she visited me asleep just to say she was fine

and on the nights I cried in advance
I could’ve drunk or danced
but I didn’t
it’s all awfully sad
I should be living my youth, it’s bad
I’m too young to be thinking about…
death.