Now they know.
Puff into smoke.
Footprints gone.
Lost in the snow.
I was blowing dandelions in a careless state of mind.
I should’ve been more careful.
There’s no future for me now.
Icy cold gazing and butterfly attacks.
Impossible layouts and ravaging traps.
I admit the fault is mine, I’ll be more careful next time,
but next time you won’t see me fall.

I did the unimaginable and don’t feel sorry.
Plus I’d do it all again if I could, I love it.
Subzero, my heart measures subzero.
I gotta disappear, now I’m the antihero.
There’s nothing for me here, my chances equal zero.
My image’s shattered like an icy pond, here goes the thaw.
I’ll need somewhere to go, this rocky terrain’s cold and raw like steel.
Pull a Houdini, pull a rabbit out a hat, disappear cause I don’t give a ****.
Pull on a hood, eerie is what the air feels like, no matter what to blow their minds.
Now I’m naked in the snow, it’s subzero.
Gotta go, my heart’s frozen in fear.
And I’m freezing cause my veil is off.
I’ll vanish tracelessly like Bella Goth.

I’ve been blowing dandelions with my armor off.
In a garland of wildflowers cut loose with my sword.
I tried to catch a butterfly as it sat down on my lap.
It was a monster in disguise.
Blowing kisses to fire.
Got a sword through my back.
Running ruse over liars.
Those who swore had my back.
I’ve been slashing demons and making sure they lay abated.
But my current version is a monster only y’all created.
Icicles growing inside my chest.
Puncturing my heart and the gist is I made it that way.
I made it that way, yes.
I could’ve stayed but I had to make it that way.
I had to run away.
I’ve been opening doors not meant to be touched.
Been extracting good things through the eye of the needle.
I could’ve put on a scene, but into smoke I just puffed.
I got caught red-hearted, but red ain’t the shade of evil.
It’s love.
It’s all I’ve wanted, but be careful what you ask for.
I’m gone.
They followed footprints, but they faded in the snow.
I’ve been blowing dandelions in a careless state of mind.
I should’ve done it elsewhere.
But do I regret it?
I do not.

I’m fine being the bad guy long as he knows I’m his baby.
Burned to the ground but so what?
I got him, I got him.
I’m fine getting called slurs as long as he knows that I love him.
I don’t talk to anyone but him, and?
Only him, only him.
I don’t give a **** if my hair’s all messed up or my anxiety’s kicking in,
cause I got him, I got him.
I seriously don’t give a **** what they whisper when I’m absent,
cause I got him, I got him, and he knows that I love him.

Run away together.
After the pale sunlight.
Been blowing dandelions.
Their seeds all caught on fire.
I gave love a try when I shouldn’t have, I blew my cover.
Now that I’ve disappeared I love somebody else and love it.
And I don’t care what they think, what I did too soon.
What you give away for free is what follows you.

I’m the villain of my life and his, so be it.
Call me whatever suits you, we ain’t gotta coexist.
In fact, I went from wishing you the world to wishing you wrong, such a banal story.
Hope you at least hate me now.
Cause you never could’ve loved me.
Never could’ve loved me.
Never could’ve loved me.
I wanted to change for you.
But you done made light of me.
I’ve accepted that I’m the bad guy, I’ve connected the dots.
I can see the full picture now.
You never could’ve loved me, never been honest with me.
I’m prominent in your thoughts, smack dab in the center of your mind.
You never could’ve loved me.
I hope you ******* hate me now.

Yeah I sold my soul to be happy.
Are you satisfied?
You wanna hear what you crave.
Believe any little lie.
Just to help you sleep at night.
Tell your bingo ******* and ridden of brains buddies to step forth and say their piece.
Block them out, look the other way.
Trash has a habit of taking itself away.
Here’s your applause, you’re so fun.
Digging under others just to keep your head up.
Such a classic tale.
Jokes that write themselves give the longest laugh.

I forget your existence until you cross my path again.
Can’t keep my name out your mouth, I can keep you out my hair.
Take a breath, why’re you mad for?
See any bags under my eyes?
Note the difference, I phase straight through you like a ghost more alive than you.
Still unfazed though, note that too.
Find a job, I don’t see you.
You’re way too dry to be riding me like that.
Obsession is bad for beauty, so take a step back.
Why don’t you just keep me at bay if you hate me so much?
I’m glad you do though.
Prolly dream of me at night.
And thanks for giving me a laugh.
When you’re done, close the door.

I’m gorgeous!
Vibing under lemon trees.
Never getting on my knees.
I have everything I want here.
I’m so ******* fabulous!
Nonchalance suits me best.
Hate motivates me best.
I’m genuinely sorry for you.
I’d be mad if I was you, so don’t worry.
I feel nothing when I see you.
Only gratitude for who I am, not sorry.

You’re so anti-me now, get gone.
I’m so over-you now, I get going.
Light as breeze
Sweet lemon tree
Smiling for free
I’m not ******* sorry.
I don’t look back
Got no sympathy
You talk about me
Like an A-list *****.
Thanks for the spotlight, I feel awesome though.
You know you’re the **** when they hate you.
I’m your A-list *****.

You never could’ve had me.
I should’ve seen it, but
you never could’ve loved me.
Hope you ******* hate me now.

Waves frozen mid-crash.
Cold sinks through the glove.
Trace swallowed by frost.
Sand buried in snow.
Red hot volcanos.
Arid palm trees sway.
Long for the scarce green.
That’s how I escape.

You didn’t come all this way to slap me in the face.
With rubies on your white gloves red like blood.
You didn’t come all this way to leave me on ice.
Roofed over a brick maze, here comes the drop.
You didn’t come all this way to send the chandelier down.
Perforating me with a hundred million shards.
You didn’t come all this way to cave the roof in on me.
I fear nothing having climbed on top of what I feared.

I am evil, who isn’t?
I dream of scarlet and crimson and vampirism.
I am fixed in stone forever.
I fantasize about ribbons and bruises on knees.

You run out of paint, you bleed for art.
I could save myself, but I’m not that smart.

Watch me fly away, light hitting the mark.
I’m visibly drained, I’m visible now.

I was lying on the grass dotted by raindrops fallen from the sky.
It was grayish blue and the sun wasn’t there to shine upon me with my head on my blue bag and my legs bent at the knees.
My phone buzzed once or twice, I didn’t look.
I was listening to a singer’s song, so hooked.
It was my last day here at the festival, I was worn out by waiting in lines just to stare into celebrities’ eyes.
I sought a little bit of paradise,
something to remember,
something so ephemeral.
And when I looked up to the sky with my eyes shut tight I felt something just as momentary and small and fragile hitting my forehead gently and gracefully and I felt
cool with having given him a try.
Facing love with raindrops falling from the sky.
I’m so bad, I’m so bad.
But I’m so good at it.
I can’t help but be bad.
It’s a hard habit.
But I’m soft like the clouds, the fluffy ones, not thunderclouds, and I can tell a good guy from a ******* sucker.
It’s just I’m nervous when I smile, I see chairs lined up and I see people cheering for us and I don’t know if I can last a while
in a relationship.
If I want to marry, ever.
I don’t wanna tell my family and go to dinners together at randomly chosen places strewn across the burning desert.
At times like this I look up to the gray-blue sky, try to touch it with my fingertips and I drown my worries out in summer festivals, lay my head on yellow arid grass and I lie
so alive
raindrops falling on me gently from the darkening sky.
I count them, I feel one, two, three, four, five.
That’s five good things that happened to me since I said yes to this one good guy.
Wish he was here beside me.
Where he comes from there’s no rainclouds in the sky.

Baby, I’m soft like candle flame.
For I allowed myself to waver and wane.
I thought that was the trick to ignite the lights inside their stupid, pretty heads.
Alas, it was all in vain.
They could never love me for my poetry and late night whereabouts, the way I make my bed, the way I watch the stars.
But you, sweet as revenge, you came into my heart cause I let you in.
I could’ve chosen somebody next door, but I didn’t.
I could’ve listened to Sylvia Plath and loved a thunderbird instead of him.
Instead of the easy way back into poetry, I chose to fall deep for you,
and willingly I fell
into its whirl.
I’m fearless for this and for that and for what it’s worth I’m proud of myself more than ever.
Every lover I wished I could keep by my chest at night is now my enemy, but they’ve given me more than they know.
I ruin everything or maybe I’m too smart to chase thunderbirds, listening to abrasion taking place in earshot, time is running low.
It’s a long shot, but I think I might be right and despite the unfortunate events, I have more time than I know.
I’m only sweet and hot like summertime and I don’t dare throw my best days to the wind chimes’ tinkling.
I’m head-deep in my vulnerability and it’s feeling so **** sweet, swimming in debris, having more than I asked for.
San Juan, love me, please.
I’m still waiting for love to happen to me.
Patiently, enduringly withstanding summer breeze extinguishing me.
I’m open again to a new pair of arms to guard me from wind eroding me, erasing me off the face of Earth like sandcastles left to be.
I’m soft like candle flame, Juan, love me deeply, please.
Deep like the deepest point of the ocean, that’s how deep I wanna delve into you.
I haven’t loved anyone for more than a year, can you change that, please?
At least now I know it’s not me.
Can you love me, please?
Do you see yourself next to me?
Don’t you mind me asking?
It’s not like I’ll be this young and eager for dozens of summers, so I’m emptying this glass that happiness is until I find my peace,
find somebody to share it with.
Just tell me I’m not unfit to be loved.
Juan, I understand I’m not the problem, but can you verify that though?

Listen, it’s whatever.
I ain’t got **** to say.
I’m a Cali boy forever.
Heart left by Ocean Way.
I’m at mercy of the universe now, ain’t got room in heart to spare.
I love you real much but I’m at a turning point, breathing in dead air.
And the metal zipper of my black leather dangles in the wind, music to my despair, ain’t got a word to say.
I listen to what I used to listen.
It brings back time and has me reminiscin’.
But I ain’t got **** to say.

My backyard’s a graveyard of roses I’ve planted for him.
Only saying cause you asked.
Will you help me dig them up?
Let’s uproot dead roses of love undone and plant our own of love to come.
We’ll fertilize them and sing folk songs on a long road from home.
I’ve got it in me, believe it or not, but I’ve got it in me.
And love will come.

Let me center the whole universe around us.
Let me worry ‘bout you every single time you miss my call.
Let me rant to you in an unabridged way.
Let me release like vape steam what I ever venture say.
My 11PM attitude, high on verisimilitude.
I swear I love you, but my heart feels dead.
Just look at the fallen petals, ash instead of soil.
The dead air I’ve been breathing, it used to be a joy.
But I believe it, believe it or not, but I believe in resurrection.
Of a broken heart.

My backyard’s a graveyard of roses I’ve planted listening to Super Freaky Girl.
We were like Jimmy and Kim, we were like flame and gasoline, people got hurt.
I loved like a maniac, I almost even told my closest friends, how happy I’ve been.
But I’ve been lying all my life, it wasn’t even happiness, it was a chore I kinda liked.
Cause he had my back.
And I took bullets for him.
For him I gave the *****.
Unlike giving them for me.
But one thing I’m willing to say is even though I’m wilting to decay is,
I loved like a maniac, like fire it burned, but it went away.
Cali boy forever, the yearly switches got me crying by Ocean Way.
Santa Monica screensaver, we were there, but now we’re a world away.
And I ain’t got **** to say to you, ain’t got anything.

Now there’s dead roses rotting by my house.
If you help me, we can plant brand new ones.
I’ve got it in me, believe it you do, I’ve faith in it too.
That love can come
of love undone.

I’ll write a song with you.
I’ll go to bed with you.
I’ll tour the world with you.
I’ll rob a bank with you.
Jack, don’t wake me the **** up, I said so many times I despise this world, I wanna be with you in ******* Pasadena or in a few mile radius.
I’m losing my sanity tryna convince you to drop everything.
Living’s real tough when I can’t have you.
Jack wake me up when you’re sober.
Jack fix me a kilo when the high is over.
Jack I just wanna go back to LA so badly.
I don’t know what I’m doing but I’ll write a song for you.
I’ll tour the world with you.
I’ll go dark for you.
I’ll lap dance for you.
I’ll wait years for you.

Take me to
to New York.
Forget me
when we’re through.
We’re only getting sober now, baby.
I could live for all eternity but never forget the only one who was caring to me.
Drop me off
of Rodeo Drive.
Kiss my lips
for the last time.
We’re only getting sober now, baby.
I’ll forget you only when I find someone who shows me a semblance of compassion.

I couldn’t go a day without missing my ex boyfriend.
But only when I’m drunk cause I get real nostalgic.
Every one of them I loved but they hurt me real badly.
I would lust over them like hell, but then I get sober.

I love this place.
It’s just like I dreamed it, honey.
Lemme fix you a drink and then you can tell me about that ******* boss of yours.
I ain’t done nothing today but miss ya.
I wrote a poem though, wanna see it?
How ‘bout we go to Rodeo Drive?
Yes, a date.
No occasion.
And just so you know, I ain’t drinking today.
Why?
I don’t know.

I don’t really need to.