My name is _ and I have an eating disorder.

I am __ years old, five foot-something, 157 lbs, blue eyes, brown hair, & no thigh gap.

I go to the gym five to six days a week.

I have a degree, I work full time in a managerial position, and I have a eating disorder.

You cannot see my bones, you cannot see the space between my thighs, you cannot see the rings underneath my eyes for all the thousands of tears I have cried.

I struggle with something real, something people rarely talked about, no one reveals.

Punishment, self affliction, addiction, no type of healing medical prescription.

I don't eat, I eat, I binge, I drink, I purge, I cry, and still I try.

I try to battle every day, "don't count those **** calories" I say. "You know better" they cry but I remark, "Do I?"

All I know of is to hate, hate myself, my body, a disgusting self image that I formulate.

You see beauty, you see curves.

All I see

Is something that no one deserves. A body of disgust, a fat piece of skin.

As a 157 lbs living a 300 lb within.
- [ ]

I am a forest fire waiting for your love
You are the bridge collapsing under my touch
We burn and destroy for our own pleasure

in a parallel universe
you never broke me
and you still speak of me
with love on your tongue

in a parallel universe
your eyes still drip with desire
begging for me to come closer
rather than never even looking my way

in a parallel universe
you still love me
as much
as i still love you

in a parallel universe
is where my heart lives
and maybe that's why i'm not over you
because in some world i still hold your heart

and in all worlds you still hold mine

s.s

Am I okay?
Rarely ever
Am I happy?
Almost never

All my angst and all my sadness
Never get me anywhere
So why do I feel this way?
These feelings I almost cannot bear

Life is becoming too much for me
Handling it is a chore
But I try to lock this away
Even though I’m melting at my core

So here I am, miserable
Wasting away in Hell
But I hide it all way
So no one else can tell

I sat in front of my room's mirror
As I contemplated my reflection
I, at least made sure I still exist
But in what way does my existence prove to the world that I am here
In a world where time and space are only an illusion,
I have always asked myself whether here and now are really here and now, still I'm getting no response
I wonder how could you bear all of this nonsense, or maybe you just don't.
one can never knows what happens in another person's life
Yet he judges him for being him.

Yes, I am a darkened soul and yes lights do scare me, for it reveals the finest  layers hided in the dust of my inner insecurities
Lights are made for the simplest minds who are not afraid of being exposed. As they got no pain deep down their souls therefore no wounds to heal in the dark.

But not me, my body is a graveyard of feelings just like the sky is for the stars.