walking an old ancient path
mind cloudy, deadened
despite the birds singing
thoughts are laden bricks
heart fills with fear 'tis true
end in sight nevermore
weight of emptiness crushing
naught can save me from me
devouring own mind
afraid, at this pace... knowing
sooner or later I shall collapse
never to be found
on an old ancient path

Her soul had been stolen
tattered, torn it seemed to be lost
drifting amidst the angry seas
cast away to unceasing winds
for it so long had she searched
thinking it forever gone, she just a shell
over mountains, under seas, through deserts
she roamed, desperate and forlorn
until at last she found her soul
in India

Even if for one night, can you pretend
to feel passion for just me
I am just some girl, I know, meaningless
but please tear into me, let it all go
throw me into the sheets, ravage me
as a lion would unto a lamb, devour me whole
it is what I crave
walk away in the morning
it is alright

What is it that determines an existence upon a plane
I do not even create the ***** laundry I fold
as I am clothed in the same attire day by day
forgotten
as I race through a machine that eats me alive maliciously
move by with wisps of smoke
that is alright
I drown in my own substances
albeit I do this alone
in the night
and for some reason despite everything
I still relish being alone
loving to suffer
do I exist

Feeling the need to reach into my darkness
Too much contentment, my fear surfaces
So for the moment I dedicate this to you, friend
Shadows dancing in obscurity
For whatever reason
I am feeling rather translucent
At this moment
So I will dwell upon this thought
Ask myself
Why do I fight it, hopefulness I mean
It has to be a disease, with no cure
Or just that I am so broken
that I feel the need to abuse my mind
Surely I have endured enough
So why am I corrupting myself
Creating false entities
What in the world is wrong in my soul
Is there an antidote?

Such a lovely, sweet girl
spreading kind words and happiness
anywhere her feet do twirl
if a sad face she does witness
immediately will she brush away the tears
speak of fairies and better days
I will teach my daughter to be as she in future years
for nothing is better than spreading sunshine rays

A rock in a sandpaper throat
difficult to choke, impossible to swallow
obsession had outlived love
dreams too large for tiny arms
and ashes were left where she treads
tears fill one eye as the other stays dry
love prevailed in cold bloodshed
drifting away another vague memory once so powerful
'twas a dream from which to be awoke
the moon turned red and her twisted silhouette devoured the sky
the ocean transformed to venom as her warm breath met the sea
a fiberglass vial, the poison, the pain, the nothing of a dead ghost
leap off the precipice, one might likely fly given the right mind
only the doubtful would cry
only the uncertain would kneel down in remorse and give in to the unknown
her last heartbeat didn't make a sound
exemplifying her lifeless soul
burying her dead thoughts

something to write for
that I do not fear
loss of the fright leaves me wordless
nothing can catch the thoughts
ripped away in breathless wind
of a passion never touched until now

Ensuring eminent destruction
a curse, love for depression
why else

It is impossible you see
to view you as anything but beautiful
for you are the light
within my darkest days
guiding me down thorny paths
lovely orb leading me
towards the brightest sun
how could one not love
every surface interior and exterior
of such a pure force
my sweetest light
*I love you

No need to touch you
to be
   madly in love

Finally, you visited me
I have been waiting, you know
albeit I blocked you from doing such for so long
such a relief to at last see your face
I must say it took some guidance to know it was you I was seeing
not what I had expected, I became lost in a sea of doubt
a message was given, one I had to ponder on for some time
I now see the intent, though shrouded in confusion, I figured it out
I accept your proposal and will continue on my path
feeling no more fear, I realize you are not teaching darkness
rather allowing me the ability to harness it for greater purposes
I look forward to the next time we meet, for you are me
and I love you

The heaviest substance known to man
The most pure
*Tears

Weak and defeated
slain, lying in blood
guilt, the oppressor
the ever living enemy
myself

She cast her eyes to the unrealistic shore
"There" Says she, "That is where I wish to be"
Whisk her away across torrential seas
Amidst squalls and high waters
Another world she wishes to exist in
A world envisioned so free of pain
Where every being has a soul mate
None feel the anguish of this life
Some would seek to call it heaven
She guesses this is an acceptable assumption
As long as we will dance
A true love for us all
No more screams of loneliness
She lets her dreams stray...
*To the shore so very far away

If you could only venture into my mind
See how beautiful you are
Eyes deep like space
Lips perfectly formed
Even in a frown speaking volumes
Of the beauty you hold within
Were it possible, I would let you see my scars
And how slowly, they are fading
More profound than just love
Consumed by indefinite passion
Wishing to be intertwined
Become as one soul
So I may then know
What it is to truly be lovely
         *As you are

I will pretend I am alright
that I am sane
I just lost it
swallowed whole by my darkness
I need you to hate me
all of you
vilify me, justify my own self hatred

Has it ever been real?
Love
consumed by so much darkness
lust taking precedence
wicked twisted snake
passion overfloweth
no soul can handle it
so to the darkness stay true
accustomed to loneliness
abandonment
were true love to present
can it then be accepted?
or is it too late
forever lost in the abyss
of tormented pain given by lackluster love

And they were both only alive
when the other existed

Feeling a hunger inside
the kind that swallows me whole
an emotion that screams touch me
too many lonely nights spent
under a canvas painted in black

I do not love you
but can I use you today
I need to feel
need to feel essential
take me, lead me away

for one night, rip the canvas back
devour me in hungry passion
do not get too close to me
I am not looking for eternity
I just need something tonight

I do not love you
but can I use you today
I need to feel
need to feel essential
take me, lead me away

just one night do not forget
do not  attach yourself to me
I have no ties to this situation
like I said I just want to feel
tonight give me the power

I do not love you
but can I use you today
I need to feel
need to feel essential
take me, lead me away

Don't say anything
take my hand, lead me away

Dance lightly on my grave
callously refute every loving word
as I rot six feet under your feet
for what does it matter when I am dead
whispers of passion
promises of eternity
create excuses to justify
the waves encompassing me
whilst you go on about your day
as if I had never existed
please, echo that which defiles me

*Dance lightly on my grave

Place your face in my hands
let me dive into your soul
the fire burns bright
consuming ecstasy
finding inner peace
would the world end now
it ends fulfilled
letting go of reality
to fall into a dream

Every moment that you are not here
My mind screams, echoing a sad song
The days drag on so weary and long
Each second, unsure how I endure

How do I move my body when so inept
A part of me is missing, am I with you
For I cannot see me, left without a clue
I hope you hold me close, safely kept

Feeling so lost, forlorn path I walk
May I for one moment prove my love
Nothing may in this light here, now or above
Except the fact you haunt me, 'round the clock

Do you feel this too, the madness
The thought your other half is untouchable
Or am I insane, dysfunctional
It has me wallowing in sadness

These thoughts are probably unfair
Alas, I find myself too selfish in my mind
I cannot help it, your light has me utterly blind
Wishing it was my time you could share

Once envisioned, a serene fantasy
A fantasy once known well
Lost in the throes of ecstasy
A hopeful face in a troublesome sea
Alas, the sea is turbulent, deep, treacherous
And you can only swim down
Vision obscured the farther one goes
Soon all that will guide you is the smell in your nose
That hopeful face has grown quite dim
The air in your lungs is growing so slim
Soon enough you will join that which was lost
And it will be cold like a layer of frost
Without the face so long adored
You hit the insidious ocean floor...
Silhouette dancing in your mind of what was lost
Deepening into your layer of rust
Eroding into a bed of unrecognizable dust
For the air above you feel that lust
Alas, you cannot breathe anymore, air has run out
You flee from flooding thoughts of doubt
Attempting one last breathe in which to shout
You drown in the freezing water spout
As the final realization hits you
This is not what you've seen
All hopes shattered in a sorrow so keen
You're floating now, nearly drifting in doubt
Wondering will the pain ever cease, ever hush
The air in your lungs makes you silently blush
For even if you're gone, you're still truly there
Where you are is what was there
And that is where I will stay, breathing your air

We were all born of love
reach into your roots
and remember
despite the distance
of such a memory
it does exist
excavate your love

Only of importance when lonely
happy to know fiction from reality
reality is only broken knows broken
and only light can truly know light
the legitimately broken are blessed
but oh so rare
though when they are finally found
a lifetime bond can be formed
as for the light
well I cannot know
I am one of the blessed broken

The birds have ceased their singing
It is morning dearies, where hath thy gone
Or is it my mind that has grown quiet
Suppressing that which brings my heart to smile
Listening closely, yet still feeling so alone
Tears well up, drowning in such a lost, lonely thought
Come back to me little birdies
I need you to sing me awake

"You remind me of veil fire
an echo of love"
her raven hair soaked in his crimson tears
she looks up, emerald eyes shimmering like the fade
"why, why can you not love me as I do you?"

"for I am the boy who never was
I cannot give what I do not understand
don't worry you'll soon forget"
he kisses her once
"forget"
he was gone

she awoke, thinking herself dead
"this cannot be heaven, I taste blood in my mouth"

When is it I am useful
I am screaming for you
Do you not hear
Yes, I know you do
Have I so little value
To be discarded
At the earliest convenience
Could you just listen
Is that too **** much to ask
Let me stop screaming
My voice has become hoarse
Listen
Respond
Guide me
When I am lost

You may not be mine
For you are not property
And I also lay no claim
Over your being
But rest assured I am yours
I do not mind belonging to you
I will make it known
That my soul belongs to you
Along with my heart
Until the day may come
That it stops beating

Some say love is like fire
but I disagree
fires burn out and die
some fires are hot
others cold
True love is more like water
it never dies
it never ends
it just changes

A black cat crossed my path today
*and I giggled

Wanting the power
the power to my own undoing
complete control now lost
yearning the ability to be happy within my own self
without it I must surrender
completely helpless
left at the mercy of another's mind
another's wishes and whims
I cannot be so powerless
the idea utterly terrifying
waiting each day
for the power to be used
rip my already almost lifeless soul to shreds
at an impasse
unable to merely seize the power
committed to reaching within myself
envisioning the power is mine
then so shall it be
I need my power back
need it for me
that I may stop living in trepidation

Half a million light years away
physicality holds no meaning in a realm so distant
scream, scream, scream, on another planet do you not yield
shooting stars, meteorites, could they stop a force
the force of desire weaving cobwebs within my heart

I am trying to overcome my fear of you
The images inside my mind scream, "Be afraid"
I lie at night listening, seeking to trust your presence
Seeing a flutter in the corner of my eye I still freeze up

Two halves of a whole, it shocks me you do not know hate
All the things I am not, you are and vice versa
Yet I still find this rather hard to accept, I am afraid
I know I need a friend though, one by my side all knowing

How long is it you have sat in dark watching, waiting
An entity devoid of all that I am I cannot understand
Mouthless, I have made you, screaming out my lack of value
Commune in my dreams, teach what I do not know of myself

It will take my skin a month to heal
and I am scared of the results
I am scared
dropping like flies among poison air
going down it screams at me from within
how much can be lost
before a heart stops
an already weakened heart
physically, emotionally drained
continually trying, constantly losing
the gong chimes under one hundred now
tick tock.. tick... tock.....
clock face cracking
pale aura
brittle bones
weak inside paper skin
not much more can be lost
before becoming a pile of ash
scattering into the wind to be forgotten

What is worse might I ask
than screaming into nothingness
receiving only an echo in reply
of your own voice and thoughts
forever alone
the emptiness is closing in
soon to be consumed
by the eternal chasm
that is your loneliness

If I did not need
Food for fuel
Drink to quench thirst
Sleep for my mind
Love for my soul
I would endlessly walk
With this song on repeat
Through
Majestic mountains
Scorching desert
Freezing rain
Singing trees
Forever basking in the Earth's eternal beauty

Let me never be a cause for your tears
a knife to my throat would be preferable
my hand I wish it to be when you reach out
forever pulling us higher up this treacherous mountain
even if it were required for me to carry you
out of breath, weak, on the verge of collapse I would not falter
for I would never take the risk of us falling down a rocky cliff
never allow harm to come your way in manner
as long as I have control
I will keep you safe within my heart
never to fall

They think she wants heads to turn
nay
she wants to be saved from herself
on another tangent, it is just her
stop listening, stop being you
save her from herself
dagger is nigh
selfish
screaming
death
they do not hear