It begins with a tragic sigh
A sudden cool breeze
Tortuous cold fog
Leaving you unable to see

After a while, you stare at the broken pieces
Your shadow shattered on the floor
Tears falling one by one
You wait for someone to knock at the door

Days pass by, while you sit and rot
Too scared to open your eyes
You keep the curtains closed
You question, “Time flies?”

But then on a very subtle day
You shake your head and get up
It starts with taking a deep breath
Feeling that air in your body, down your lungs

You walk to the kitchen, slow and steady
And make some coffee for yourself
Still confused but something lights up inside you
You pick up and read the book buried on the shelf

It seems like you have to start from the beginning
Back from when you were just a kid
Pushed into this cruel world to “live”
Your whole life looks like a dark pyramid

You no longer wait for that knock
You stop longing for that one hug
You give up on the idea of being “saved”
So you ponder and let it go with a soft shrug

Whatever meant the most to you
Sounds like a stupid idea now
All that grief you were holding within
Seems like a television picture or a show
And this is how you know
This is the art of letting go

It's easier to judge
Not easy to understand

Two feet away
And you won't hold my hand

So I made a promise to myself
My body is not your land

I cut my hair short
Sing songs you hated with my little band

I could dance away the nights
If this was God's plan

I could spend days without talking at all
You're just a boy, not my man

The water touched my feet as I closed my eyes. All the flashbacks -all those memories haunting me to this day. How many years have passed? How many seconds have I died? How many breaths have I smothered?
I remember being fearless once. Look at how fearful I have become. I used to be just another girl -hoping that the best would find its way to me.
But today, I'm a different person -a bizarre package of perplexed emotions, assembling the broken pieces of my fragile heart which I had left at different places -in different things -within different people. Today, I am empty. I am hopelessly empty. Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

There are some things you can't speak of,
The path of life –skipping easy, getting rough,
You're wrong if you think we all need love,
Not everybody dreams of rose gardens and dove,
You long for someone to catch you when you fall,
But some dream of being alone –standing tall,
You leave the abandoned –that's what's done by all,
But some seek to sit by the wall,
Don't call us dumb, don't you call us crazy,
We can live by ourselves even if it gets hazy,
It's easy to see weakness in the lonely,
But what if being alone is holy?
Those who have had their share of all the affection,
Watch them rising from the ashes –creating resurrection
**So if they mention how they can
live without love and care,
Don't you stand there with that frown and stare

In 10 years from now
You’ll hear about my death

You’ll stand still for a while
Remembering how it felt

To be around me
To witness my vulnerability

You’ll remember it all
How I wanted to die young

My words will echo in your ears
The tears in my eyes

But it would be too late
To call my name and hear back

I’ld already be six feet underneath
But my body will still remember how it feels

10 years from now,
You’ll hear about my death

When you would have moved on
Settled in with someone

But you would never find me
Never find me ever again

I am not gonna meditate on you anymore
I am not gonna think about you anymore

You came like a lightening bolt
Then left like you were never here

Making me question my own identity
Making me question my life’s reality

Was it just in my head? Was it a dream?
Was it a nightmare that I didn’t see?

Aloof, my mind strays in different directions
Were you someone I thought you weren’t?

You walked in and embraced me like a child
Told me you wanna hear all about my mind

Held my hand so it wouldn’t shake while i speak
You said you won’t judge me even if I hung myself on a tree

Then one very fine day, you started drifting away
Into the abyss, where I couldn’t even hold onto you

I kept latching onto the shadow you left behind
Tried to manifest you back cause I was always crying

But I’m tired now, and I can’t go on like this
And so they say,
The final act of loving someone,
Is letting them go
So I let you go

How distant
How near
You’re the only wolf I fear

Beside my nightstand
You stay
Such a safe play

A hungry lion
Hiding in tall grass
Perfect moments never last

Slow, steady
You make no sound
Yet I hear you howl
Louder
Each time you step away
Whispering a spell
“Don’t you tell.”

Spinning around
In my own lies
Lost but then found

I keep failing
To say what I feel
To do as I want

Stone heart
Or so I say
Yet too warm deep down

Burning
In flame of affection
Vulnerability
In need of your touch

Static
My heart I cannot feel
You keep loving me
Nothing is as it was
But nothing has changed