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 Mar 2015 Annabel Lee
Coco Li
I want you to stay sane
even for a week
maybe a month
hoping it could last for a year
and so it can be forever.

I need you here.

stay sane.
It wasn't easy for me. I've been battling anxiety for years, it was since my highschool days. It's like diving deeply underneath the ocean floor, unprepared for what's coming, full of darkness. I realize that I need to help myself. I've been doing a lot of works lately. As much as possible I talk to many people, even strangers. I just wanted to let it out. I wanted to stay sane.
It is only a little word, but carries so much on its shoulders.
Often overlooked as an emotion when placed next to the big ones:
fear, love, hate, jealousy, happiness, greed.
Without it what would we be?
What purpose would we have?
It is a catalyst from which dreams are cast
and possibilities reached.
As an idea it is only touched upon, but without it nothing would be worth following through.
Nothing would drive us
Life would lack ambitions.
When it is gone everything seems broken
no last gasping chances left.
It is embedded in every aspect of life
and yet it quietly hides.
When uttered, it sounds weak,
but can be strong enough to move mountains,
overthrow governments and rattle tyrants off their throne.
Or simply it is enough to finish third in a race,
or be on time for a meeting,
or for the tests to come back negative.
Our hope.
I imagined I gave you,
All the love in every vein I could,
Every part of me I thought was good,
And every word I knew I should,
Share with you.

I imagined your hand in mine,
Comforting me when I was down,
Pulling me out when I almost drowned,
Accepting me when I found,
Another inside.

I imagined I held you,
When your ocean eyes were filled with tears,
When your perfect heart was drilled with fear,
When all you wanted was not to hear,
Deafening noise.

I imagined I was there,
When happiness lost its ring,
When you needed me more than anything,
When all you wanted was to hear me sing,
My love to you.

I imagined a world where you and I could share glances with each other,
Or gaze for eternity,
Where time lost its hold,
And let us slip between the hours,
In an endless embrace

I imagined an infinity of loving you,
But none of it outshone reality.
Ignorance will never die
Stupidity will never die
Prejudice will never die
Violence will never die
Sadness will never die
Fear will never die
Anger will never die
War will never die

But neither will hope
Maybe that hope will be in vain,
But it will keep understanding alive,
It will keep the intelligent solving problems,
It will keep the downtrodden fighting for justice,
It will give the unsafe peace,
It will dry tears and bring light,
It will comfort those in danger,
It will calm deadly rage,
And it will give the wounded sanctuary.

*It doesn't matter if this hope is false,
If it can do so much good.
The moon shines a cool blue tonight
as we entwine our fingers, laying on the baseball field
beneath diamond heavens. We lie
in silence, in the moments when the Universe reveals
itself, and contemplate the distances between one celestial body to
another, the space between
us growing as I turn south
to find Orion while you seek Cassiopeia in the north.

Shooting stars cross the sky, and we wish separately on dead
stars and dead dreams, lights already grown red and extinguished
as we whisper in the dark, passing
between phases.

And in the end we're all left searching.
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