As I read our old convos and read the word "babe", uttering it loudly felt strange.
As if I haven't gotten used to it when we were together. It felt like forever.

It's been 16 months now since we parted ways.
I wonder how long will I get used to the days
of not thinking of you nor dreaming of you.

I hope that's the last stage i have to endure to forget.

Today.. I remembered you again.
I have been questioning myself
if that was love that I felt with you,
now as my tears fall down,
I felt the pain
and I could say
I loved you dearly.

The last time we cut connection,
It hurt, it hurt like hell
like my heart turned blue
and all I tasted was the salty tears
like my world was crushed
and I was lost for a moment

The next few days, I woke up like a diff person,
no name, no identity, just a lost stranger.
the next few weeks, I couldn't even remember a thing,
my mind was empty, I lost the memories.
The next few months, I remembered, I reminisced, I felt, I forgave, but I kept moving on

There are times you'll mess up and go back
to the feeling that your heart once knew
I went back, I messed up a little
but I never want to stay like that
There's no day, I don't miss and think of you
but I'm still moving forward.

I wonder what you're up to now
Same as what im doing - sleeping
Or doing the opposite

I wonder how your love story went, is going and would be,
If life got ******* you or
You're enjoying it at its best

I wonder if you ever thought
Of someone out there
Across the world,
Beyond your eyes that can see,
Thinking and waiting for you too.

And i'm so tired of this cycle
being lovely and ****
is what they're good at
they're all the same
and then when you start to get insane
they will start to distance themselves

and in the end, you lose.

Happiness is when
you walk differently
it's when
the weather doesn't matter;
rainy, sunny, gloomy - it still doesn't matter
it's when
even sad songs make you smile.

I want to talk about us,
how we stared at each other's eyes when we first met,
how my cheek touched your cheek when we first said hi,
how we fell in love on August,
in our feet leaving footprints
in the sand, and
with the morning sun rays touching our pale skin.

I want to go back
to how we felt the fire and ice
clashing through the distance
that separated us for 2 years ,
and how we both fought to break it.

I want to remember all our plans
our tours around the world,
our household chores when we live in together,
our wedding plan,
our future family.

I want to know..
how we ended up like this,
how we ended up crushing each other's heart,
how we became each other's nightmares.

I want to talk about us
but i dont know how to start
because there's no us anymore.