You changed me.
You made me better.
You gave me back my sanity -
     you became it.
I didn't need drugs to get away. I needed you.
I escaped to you. And felt safe and free again -
but like never before.
I was getting high without coming down
     and I craved it.
I had no more reasons to search for escapes
and I had no more excuses to defend my findings.
I had to quit everything else
and survive on you
because I had let myself become addicted
and I didn't care
I wasn't scared.
I felt sane again
and it was all thanks to
                                  you.


*s.mndi

here's the price for playin with fire
I'm the dealer you're the buyer

one way ticket to hell
i sense your eagerness, i know it well

STOPPIN FOR PASSENGERS

get some rush thru your vein
here i am to step up the game

okay sit back relax
check your arms .. their full of tracks

moving on to your femoral vein
a 5 mill needle gonna rush your brain

watch out for the DVT
the NHS amputate for free

sit back and enjoy the ride
you're about to lose all your pride

you just handed it to me
i ain't finished yet ... you will see

here i am to make you hurt
as I grind your life into the dirt

(C) MANDY RIGBY 23.06.214

Buy me ripped skinny jeans
And feed me LSD
Maybe then I'll be happy

Earlier this night I traveled down memory lane
Please call my friend Mary Jane
She'll help me forget

I'm in this ****** life I know I'll never win
Unless I get my veins full of heroine  

I don't even know how to keep myself sane
Without a hit of *******

All I ever wanted was to leave behind a legacy
But the thing is I no longer feel the ecstasy
That's supposed to be lingering in my ways

I'm in no position to pretend that I'm holy
Especially when I'm always seen
With my good friend Molly

Cause who am I to avoid all this
I'm just a sad lonely teen
Feeling psychedelic

I dream of dead people
Of maltractated bodies from the movies
Of grandmother
Of horses with their guts cut open

They are never frightening
Never more or never less
The most terrifying in my dreams
Is the manager I work for

He is schizophrenic
Like my Brother
Has black hair
And piercing eyes
Like my Brother

Sometimes I wake up
Wanting to be dead
I'd rather be a good dream
With paper thin skin
And loving hands

Than a living nightmare
With black hair
And penetrating eyes

**So I search for death

She screams. Again.
Her mother runs from the problem.

And I deal with her.
Because that's what I do.

22. Nothing to do.
She cleans the sick.

And once again goes to play
Her games. Video games. Mind games.

I adore me niece.
5 weeks. I could eat her up.

But her mother?
I could ****.

Strangle her with my bare hands.
Get a knife to her throat.

And soon I will.
I will **** my own sister if I have to.

To save not only her daughter
But the family.

my mother once warned me of
addiction
in the form of a bottle
but never told me about
you
and your pale blue eyes would
drive me to every AA meeting
I've ever been to
(s.j.b)

I fear a day
When you'll sit next to me
And my phone will vibrate
A message from you asking what's for lunch?

I fear a day
When talented beings
Educated with graduate degrees
Will work in MacDonalds
For minimum wage

I fear a day
Where I'll need to take out a mortgage
For a parking fee
Daylight robbery

I fear a day
Where kids will no longer
Play at the park
No one ever heard of jigsaws
And wooden train sets

I fear a day
When strangers would be able to see
My every post
People I don't even know
Will know all about me

I fear a day
When people will drive to the gym
To run on the treadmill
And we'll all forget
The luminous glow of the moon

I fear a day
We'll forget about stars
And handwritten cards
When we'll care more about cars
Than our counterparts

I fear a day
When the world will all speak English
And read shakespeare
Wear the same high street gear
And eat KFC

I fear a day
Where honour and dignity
Respect and modesty
Will be a thing of the past
And those who hold steadfast
To their culture and traditions
Ways of life
Will be mocked and ridiculed as backwards

I fear a day
When all my fears
Come true
And that day a part of me will die inside
I'll lose the sound of your voice
And mums special home-made recipes with secret ingredients
I'll lose the way your letters felt
Slanted and joined so rounded together
The way the cross on the t and the dot on the i's leaned to hug one another
I'll lose the rush of the wind
As I felt how it was to fly on a swing
The reassuring touch on my back as you pushed and held me back then helped me to stop
I fear a day
I will breathe but cease to exist
Lost in mere memories of a past
Where I was meant to be