I told you I'm different, you didn't believe
You broke me in pieces,  but I didn't leave
I feel no peace. I feel no breeze
I feel like falling down on my knees
How could you not know me after all these years ?
I'm hurt. I'm lost.
I'm weak like your trust
But all I could do is treasure you
And hope you'd love me the way I love you

                                                         - Gina Hany

Stars falling like burning hailstones.
Not one wish formed
From the ashes below.

Earth stretches and yawns; scratches
A continent finally
Free from fleas, then

Returns to solitaire sleep while
Epochs enter into aeons
Before the itching

Ever so slowly begins again;
Species rise to reign in the usual
Pre-apocalyptic illusions of

Meaning, denying being merely a
Planetary slap away from a crushed
Stain of the blood it once ******.

I never feel as in place and balanced
As when my insignificance looks me
Dead in the eye. And winks.

I am happy,
But why is that those tears wont stop falling?

It's the right thing,
But why is that it doesn't feel like so?

I am strong,
But why is it that I need to be strong?

I should not feel this way,
But why is it that my feelings have become so bipolar ?

It's bravery,
But why is it that I feel it's an act of fear instead?

I am not oblivion no more,
But why is it that i feel there is much behind every path?

I fear failure,
But why is that I feel that it is a fear of success?

I should enjoy the moment,
But why is it that my brain cant comprehend to happiness no more?

People in my family, that don't know me real well
Tend to tell me I had a good childhood
And it's all because they don't know

They see the facts like
She went to Disney Land,
And California
And Mexico
Not to mention,
How her grandparents spoiled her

But I remember very little of my time like that
don't get me wrong, I'm not ungrateful
To my aunt and grandparents
It's just that I don't remember most of it

What I do remember of my childhood is
Getting my hair brushed by mom
And anytime I moved or said ow
she'd hit me with the brush

Or when I didn't hear her,
Before we knew I was half deaf,
she'd get so mad
And she'd punish me for ignoring her

That time I was helping her clean the yard
And the next thing I knew
she had me down on the ground
kicking me, for somthing
I don't even remember what for

I remember my 5th birthday,
Evryone brought me presents
And as I opened them,
she took them from me
And put them in the corner
Because I didn't deserve them

I remember walking in on your husband
Choking you
Your face was blue
And I turned around and walked back out
I had just turned four
And it wasn't even a cause for concern

I remember her parties
Late at night,
They were so loud I couldn't sleep
And I wasn't allowed to leave my room for anything
I'd be in there for hours,
No food or drink
I was afraid to come out and see
After that first time
And I saw you in that outfit
On that pole and
Those plates of white powder
The straws and needles
And all the smoke
And the bowl of colorful pills
I didn't know what it was for
But it scared me
And I never came out again

And I remember babysitting
I was only eight
I could barely talk
And couldn't really hear
But I took care of myself
And my sister and brother

I remember that boyfriend you had
When I was eleven
I remember his wandering hands
And how warm and sticky they were
And how much he liked to "help" me
When you were gone
And the razor blades that made me forget
And the new scars to cover the ones made by his chains

And I remember each and every bruise you've left
And all the mean words you've said
I remember all of it,
And you know what?
I wish I remembered Disney Land

I remember when you first came over,
you gave me this warming smile
You told me I was beautiful
and that you'd be here a while

You took me to this room
and lay me on the bed
You wrapped your arms around me
and slowly kissed my head

You placed your bony fingers
around my frail body
you told me to keep silent
or you'd make me sorry

so I cried inside my head
and tried to struggle free
but you had locked the door
with your old bronze key

I was only a young girl
waiting for her prince
but now I only dread you
ever since
you used me as a toy
for your own pleasure and joy
and left me crying there without a thought or care

and I hope that your glad to hear
that soon I'll just be gone
because everything you did to me was
very
very
wrong

beware when you fall in love
with an artist
be it a painter, a singer, or poet

for the artist will
paint you
with strokes and hues
in shapes of every kind

sing about you
with heartbreak lyrics
and feelings which rhyme

write about you
with the simplest words
and a secret message she wants to say

beware of the artist,
and her love
one wrong move
and you're an artwork in her display