Have you ever met someone and thought,
"Whatever this is, it's never going to last"?
I have.
The first time I caught his eyes and saw his smile, I knew.
I knew that he was going to leave.
That was the time when a beginning felt like an ending.
When he was around, I only saw caution signs
telling me to turn back.
I had no guarantee. No promises. No nothing.
But I guess I was a *******.
Because I had hope for him to stay.
But alas, he didn't.
At the end, I was right.
He left me.
I never had a choice.
He was going to leave either way.

There isn't a feeling like being awake undergoing a surgery.
I guess it was a lot like being hurt by someone you loved.
I guess it was a lot like loving him.
You know you are being hurt. You feel the scissors, the knife, you feel them pulling, you feel them cutting, but you don't feel hurt.
You know they're hurting you, but deep inside, you choose to not feel the hurt. You choose to be numb. You choose to believe they aren't hurting you.
But then you can't take it anymore, and there's nothing you can't do. So you let them to keep hurting you. And they keep hurting and hurting until they take something from you.
No matter how small, how irrelevant. how good or how bad. It's still something.
They took something from you. A piece of you that you're never getting back. And the minute they get that something, they stop hurting They leave.
And when they leave, there's nothing else but an ocean of hurt. Everything you do hurt. Every word you speak hurt. Everything you do reminds you of them.

I tried
To think of something,
Anything,
To say to you.

An apology,
An explanation,
An anything.

But nothing
Ever comes out of my mouth
Nothing ever feels
Right

And somehow that doesn't bother me

Maybe I've accepted the fact
That nothing we do
Is gonna fix us

Because my heart doesn't break
At the thought of you
Not in my life anymoee

My heart breaks
At the thought of our happy days
Becoming sad memories

i can handle remembering the date of his birthday.
i can handle the major memories.
what sets me back are the snippets of the life i had with him.
like the way he was always beside me,
like the way he refused to leave my side when i was hurt,
like the way he wanted to see what i just wrote down,
like the way he nonchalantly blows butterflies to my stomach.
those memories always break my heart.
they come when i have a good day.
they come when i do something or hear something or see something
and when i remember, i can't stop remembering everything else that happened between us.
that what sets me back from moving on.