Whatever happened to the moments
we lived for
the moments we lived from
electrifying lives
currents of passion
high voltage that knew no resistance

what do I have to do?
to feel the surge
to feel the spark
to feel alive again?

Is it in the tomes?
Is it in the songs?
Do the muses hold it in the walls?
Is it inside of me?

Searching for the switch
to send me back to passion
To make me feel charged again
to make me feel in charge again

No one loves me
I'm not worth a single drop of blood

It would be wasted
If you spilt it for me

And dry your tears
For I'm the only one that has to cry

This time,
So there's no use shedding them for me

Sometimes, I wish I knew
How to disappear completely

So no one would remember my voice
Have no memories with me

I feel like life
Would merrily move along

If I were just simply
Gone
                     Gone

    Gone.

flawed to near insanity
but long as you could hold down a job then its alright
isn't that a wise policy she asked
i'm not so sure
watching the clowns strut their stuff
in the midnight sun
they are reckless to be certain but self aware to a fault
just makes it all the more bizarre
watch em go at it with each other over the simplest thing
its no way to live
you can vouch for the living as long as you haven't died
and this madness is just shy of being in a pine box
so darling lets get outa this crazy place
get away from the thinking
that you gotta be like everybody else
get away from the plastic hippie rat-race
roll down the easy highway
find us some sweet sunshine to breath in
find us a better life to be

There's talk on the street
Somethings happened to me
I don't look the same
As I used to be

I've got the same name
I've got the same face
But something about me
Has definitely changed

They try to figure it out
There's something about
On the tip of their tongue
There is no doubt

As they scratch their heads
Wondering just what it is
Either something has come
Or something has left

As they wonder what's up
It's starting to bug
They can't take anymore
They've had enough

I just sit here and smile
As they try and figure it out
It's as plain as the day
Let them squirm for awhile

Cause what it is that I've changed
Is my eyebrows I shaved
I now change my expression
With mascara paint

I can now look surprised
As my eyebrows I rise
3 to 4 inches
Above my eyes

Or I can bring them down
Into a uni-brow
Make me look angry
Give me a scowl

I lower the other
While lifting it's brother
Which raises a question
One way or another

There's so much you can do
When your eyebrows you lose
If your afraid to participate
Start off  with one and not two

But I must warn you
That if you do
There's only one expression you'll have
And that is one of confused

So as they keep on guessing
With insistent insisting
I keep doing my best
To change my expression

The moon shines a cool blue tonight
as we entwine our fingers, laying on the baseball field
beneath diamond heavens. We lie
in silence, in the moments when the Universe reveals
itself, and contemplate the distances between one celestial body to
another, the space between
us growing as I turn south
to find Orion while you seek Cassiopeia in the north.

Shooting stars cross the sky, and we wish separately on dead
stars and dead dreams, lights already grown red and extinguished
as we whisper in the dark, passing
between phases.

And in the end we're all left searching.

I promised myself I'd address this with
you two but is been burdening me and messing with my head
so we go any further and before another day decides to pass
I'm going to write this down before I end up brain dead.
You're my parents, you birthed me and I love and respect you both
but the pressure you put me under is causing me to choke
I don't know how much longer I can take living under this yoke

First off and with all due respect,
I'm not my siblings or my cousins, and I know I'm not what you must've guessed
would arrive on this earth, and I know you do and have done your best
to raise me right, but I see that's one thing you forget.

Second, please pick a consistent tone.
I want to grow up but clearly you don't want me on my own.
I know I'll always be that curly headed little kid, and I'm trying to grow up but there's only so much I can do no matter what either of you did.

Thirdly, mom, I have trouble sleeping at night because of all of this, so when I do wake you up I am sorry it's nervous energy that causes it.
I keep trying to sleep then wonder
Will I ever get my life together or am I just another burden another life ripped asunder?

I hate that I even had to write this but I had to get this off of my chest,
I know you both love me and want nothing but the best,
but I couldn't find a way to communicate these problems I'm facing without coming off as issuing disrespect.
so if I'm you're biggest disappointment I'm sorry, that's just maybe what I'm destined to be,
I know that I'm not in charge of my destiny,
but I am glad that God assigned you two to me