I miss you now

I mean I’ve always missed you but now
NOW
I miss you

It’s like a longing
Borderline ache
& when I think of myself aching

It’s under your grasp
Hand on my throat &
Lips on my neck

As if under a spell
But this was cast long ago
So why am I still aching

These thoughts have me breaking
Slowly
Slowwllyyy

Snap

Why don’t you breathe
Breathe through it
There was a fire in you once
But only now are you actually appreciating the flames & not only the warmth

On days like these
When the sharp air of the night
Matches the happenings of the day
I feel as though this is what it means to live
To really feel life

The pure joy of the moment with laughs so genuine & innocent
The laughter after a cry because you know it’s going to be okay
The feeling of embracing the unknown & faith
The feeling of heartache & scarcity of love but feeling okay

One of those nights to feel the air & know you’ll see the stars if you look up

You feel like a lukewarm brush of air on a summers evening
You remind me of a sunflower
in the way they are bold
in the way they outstand everyone else
behind the greyish blue sky; like an ocean in the middle of a light rainstorm.
You smell like a home
light & comforting.
Our memories
faded & subtle.

The feeling between is a mystery
Spoken to n touched too soon
I had hoped it would be a caress on the skin but your embrace is no longer soft
There’s loving intent
No one to impress anymore
But the way we were present
isn’t there anymore
We’re just
& I must be okay with that
Because you’re not here anymore
And that’s that

The lukewarm air is no longer noticeable
Sunflowers no longer impress me
as well as the frigid air
that caresses you after rain fall
Memories fade
& lord knows I’m absentminded when it comes to love
Light & comforting is too comfortable;
that it is uncomfortable solving your mysteries

I didn’t want to be one of those people
& live in regret with what I’m doing & what I’ve done while I’m doing it.
I realize
But the depth is,
Luring

The moments
so fleeting
I’m troubled with the decision of
basking in it or capturing it
with a snap of my lens or conjuring words for the moment as to say
Remember
things can be beautiful

Here’s to hoping we stay nothing close to the same
As what we were put through

There’s no need to keep the moldable pieces of yourself from shifting
They’re meant to be worn & melded

Nothing more beautiful of art that changes so, with the tune of the shift of my bones