I wake,
My body covered in sweat,
My face, in tears
At first I was screaming,
My whole body shaking,
When I notice I was just dreaming again
I enter a trance
A hypnotic like state
Every time I re-live it
I enter this state,
A state of shock
Just as I did the night it happened
Putting this on paper
And going back
To recollect this horrid memory
Overwhelms me with fear
My heart is racing
And I feel nauseous
But I must continue,
It happened long ago
When I was young
I don't remember how old I was
Or exactly what day it happened
For after it happened my mind was lost
I couldn't even remember my name
If I didn't re-live it
Every time I sleep
I probably wouldn't remember it at all
But my mind won't let me have that luxury,
The night it happened
I was alone
I don't know how,
Or why I was
But I was
I woke to someone
Running their hands
Under the blanket
And up my legs
It was pitch black
And I laughed
Thinking it was my cousin
Reassuring her that I wasn't scared
As my eyes started to adjust
To the dark
I saw the shadow's
Of a knife,
Being put to my throat
And the outline
Of a man asking if I was scared now
I recognize his voice
And told him to stop messing around
Then I felt the sharp side
Of the blade,
Press down against my neck
I went to scream,
But before any sound escaped,
His hand reach down
And covered my mouth
Telling me he wasn't afraid to **** me,
If I even thought about making a sound.
My eyes are completely adjusted now
And I can see his face
I've seen it a hundred times before
But never with this expression,
With a sudden wave of panic
I try to fight back
But he throws all his weight on me
Forcing me down,
He took the knife
And started cutting off my shirt,
I didn't care that he had a knife
I tried so hard to lift him off me
But I couldn't move
My arms were pinned to my sides,
Held in place by his knees.
All I wanted to do was get away
I put every ounce of energy I had
Into trying to get him off
But I couldn't
When he finally got my shirt off
He looked at me
With the most evil eyes
I had ever seen
He let go of my mouth,
But fear set in so much
I was speechless.
He bent down,
Lowered his face to mine
And said kiss me
Tears started to roll
Down my face,
As they did
He got mad and cut my arm
Again he said kiss me
So I did,
Thinking that would end it,
But he was far from over,
He took my shirt and cut it in half
One half was shoved in my mouth,
The other was tied around my wrists,
He held my arms above my head,
Completely restraining them.
Then he took off my pants
I kept putting my head up,
Trying to figure out what he was doing,
I was still to young to know what *** was
But he didn't mind showing me.
He removed my underwear
And pulled his pants down
I still didn't know what was happening,
As I cried uncontrollably
I laid my head back down
And I prayed
Asking god to please help me
Then I felt a really sharp pain
It kept getting worse
I tried to fight again
And kicked him a few times
He took his knife
And placed the point on my chest
He pushed down and turned it
Then pulled it out
A chunk of my chest went with it
He said to me
See how easy it is to cut a hole
You move or make another sound
And the next one will be deeper
All I could think about was the pain,
In my privates,
On my arm,
And on my chest.
I felt the warm gush of blood
Running down my arm
And down my rib from my chest,
It was even coming out
Through my privates
All I could think was I'm dying
That nobody could possibly bleed this much
And survive.
I laid there motionless
Crying
Wishing,
Hoping,
Praying,
For it just to end.
I start to wiggle my tongue
Slowly pushing my shirt
Out of my mouth
It finally falls out
And I scream
And that's when I wake
I don't know what happened After that
I don't know how I survived
Or if my screaming saved me
I have scars to prove my dream true
And the person that apparently found me
Answered my questions
Assuring me it did happen
But it all just feels
Like a dream