at times i find it hard
to reach within ones deepest places
one does not know
what things
what thoughts
what memories
lie within ones deepest corners of self being.
i chose to hide from my self,
i chose to run from my self,
i find it easier avoiding these things,
if i could say so
then going forth,
and facing them
i find it easier not thinking
about these memories,
thoughts
but i fear a day will come
that they will burst out
that one day
they will conquer me,
have the better of me
its confusing, unexplainable
i keep thinking for hours.. days..
at times i cant find the right words,
at times i feel lost,
at times not even poetry helps,
i would just rather drown my self in a pond of self pity and regret,
and rather just be over it,
finish this
weak excuse of a so called life,
or existence
or whatever gives us reason
to wake up another morning

She wore flowers in her hair
And anger in her eyes
Had a strong hate for her father
And thought birthdays were stupid

He memorized every notch in her spine
And made a home for himself in the gaps between her fingers
Playing dot-to-dot with her freckles,
Became his new favorite hobby

Tattoos adorned his arms
Expressing himself in ways words never could, for ink could not stutter
He smoked too many cigarettes, and gazed at her through hooded eyes
The kind that could only be found in the depths of the alleyways you avoided

She looked at him as if he had hand selected the stars,
And was responsible for the moon
Right next to her love for the Rolling Stones, he was there
Swimming through her bloodstream

He had deceived himself into believing he did not love her
For she was his Abigail Williams
And she always said,
"God damns all liars"

time goes on and i feel nothing
the emptiness of my heart
the coldness of my skin
the numbness of my brain
as i reminisce over the things i used to love about you

for a second, time stops.

stop looking at yourself in the mirror
whispering, "it'll be okay. i'll be okay."
when you know **** well
you'll be anything but okay.