She called me strong

How wrong she was

I can still see my scars

They sting sometimes

Just to remind me

I was weak

I still am

I heal just to be reopened

Torn apart again and again

There are wounds you do not see

But that I feel

I fight

But it doesn't mean I always win

No one can win all the time

Everyone is weak sometimes

I'm sorry to tell you

That your pain

Will remain

And if it does go

It will return

Suffering

Is a part of life

Being weak

Is a part of being human

We can't be strong all the time

And for now we'll remain

The weaklings that we are

We remain

Alive

And that is our greatest feat towards strength

We'll go on.

We'll survive.

I want to smush my face in a big fat delicious frosted cake,
and blow out candle after candle and watch ice cream melt

as I dig through the moist sugary cake-bread with my fists,
and I eat everything I want in this delicious, nice restaurant

I want to pout at anyone else who makes grumpy faces,
I am the **** queen so it's my gosh **** party, dang it

I want to drink until I almost throw up and then do drugs
and grab ******* and scream with laughter and true fun!

I want to flash strangers and get birthday kisses and hugs
I want to smear lipstick all over my face, I want GLITTER

I want to roll in checks from relatives in far-off places
with the clothes and money and drugs that I will buy

I want to cry big crocodile tears over wrapping paper
and wear a pretty crown and take pictures, please yes

I want to smile so hard my cheeks hurt, ouch, and get away
with being a little ******* because I'll say sorry tomorrow

I want firecrackers and free things and fun fun fun fun fun fun fun
because it's my birthday, and I get to do whatever the **** I want!

I can already feel
The blood rising
To the surface
Of my skin

I can already
Feel that old ache
The pain
The loneliness

I can already
Feel what it'll be like
Without you again.