He feeds me his food sometimes. Even when he knows good and well I'm not supposed to have any. He gave me his bed to sleep on all day, but I share it with him when he is home. He loves to hold me close at night. Sometimes, if not all the time, I growl at him to stop bothering me to cuddle close to him. A midst my growling he just shushes me and kisses my nose.
      I've finally got him on a routine. I sit at the door and he knows it's time for a walk. I'll walk him as far as he will go. As much as I wanna trot off he insists on a quiet pace. He also likes straight lines.
      When I hear the door being unlocked I will sometimes see if it is him. Being stuck at home all day is boring, so I get all excited when he comes back. I'll nibble at his hands constantly to tell him I love him. And to play. He's good at playing when I can get him to play.
      I guess it is safe to say that without my human I would not be here. And without me he wouldn't be here either.

I woke up with the words
"I need help"
falling out of my mouth.

This is bad.
I know I need help.
Now I really need help.

I am without sanctuary..

And all I want to do is sleep at night
But thoughts from years ago just keep me awake.
I toss and turn to no avail
It's nights like these where I wish I prayed.

And no matter how hard I try to keep you off my mind.
Your name still echoes.. I keep on pining deep inside.
So far down the road of life
My heart's still gripped with bitterness.

There comes ,
"Why am I here? It cannot be for myself.
But no one else either, decidedly.. So for what?"
This is what leaves me watching the seconds float away on a night like this. While you are warmly planning tomorrow's sunrise, and smiles, and laughter, and heartbeats.

While you are making fresh the steps of the present
I am way back when where there and they used to be.
Mine are here of course. Mind isn't it seems.
Even now as I unfold again a broken segment of stills.

When will I rise with the sun and set with it?
Dare I smile like I wish it were?
It's a pleasure you left humiliated.
Damaged.

How can I forgive you..
How can I forgive myself..

Withering breath                Time slows down
Her eyes feel cold                  Not searching for reason
The curls in her hair uncoil               Once gold will soon be rusted
Her mouth quivers as I touch her cheek          One more kiss is all she wants.
Looking back into her eyes I see her final moments of beauty.
Pale skin shines under the silver moonlight.
A gentle breeze brushes by           She shakes        I hold her closer.
Soft beat of her heart wants to race next to mine but instead gets weaker.
She wants to cry but the tears refuse.
I lift her chin up towards mine. Eyes closed
She stopped breathing when our lips finally touched.



Epilogue:

I never felt so much blackness fill me before.
Even the silent chill of tonight couldn't reach me.
I was freezing in my own thoughts.
My breathing became a faint memory.
Sound disappeared along with her.
The tears were quiet.
I didn't bother to brush them off.. they left frozen trails along my face.
The bleakness was broken by a hard object cocking.
I looked down my hollow life, I held her steady
While looking forward into the distance.
The trees were naked and shivering;
They were so beautiful at night.
I leaned backwards as
Lighting struck down in front of me
My head landed on the iced earth
with a dull thud. I couldn't really feel anything after that.
But I did taste the metal... and the rust.
I lay there with her still wrapped in my arms.
Together to the end.

The tender swells carry me 
But never disturbs.
Kept afloat with the meager thoughts of existence
A wave collides against the back of my head.
I fall victim to a surge.
I plunge down, submerged, by the wrathful hands of Poseidon. 
Shooting hard into my throat 
Sea salt scrapes for something.
Choking I reach out and struggle
One eye sees in red same as the eyes staring back.

No point of reference I simply sink. Deeper.
Deeper. Down the depths. 

With what light that does pierce down this far I gaze
At the glorious expanse of unknown cities.
Hovering above a void, a wild spectacle distracts me.
Pillars holding statues. Bridges spanning miles.
Prairies full of green and red. And massive graveyards in honour of those of whom are worthy of such a burial.

There the void becomes something more.
Air has pushed through my eye sockets I have drifted down so deep.
I want to shake but the freezing water weighs down on me so much.
I am not blind from near death but from complete extinction of light.
I realize I wasn't swimming at all. 
A clutching hand has dug its nails into my now broken ankle. Delivering me
To a place I have always wanted. A home.
Here no one can evict me from what is rightfully mine. 

I am free
I am dead
I am gone
I am home

Why must I live in a world 
plastered with a facade of sincerity? 
The imitation of promise... 
is only a promise for a broken future. 

I keep my thoughts from spilling 
across pages and from others. 

But my actions cannot be withheld. 

Sleep has become more of a haven for me 
- where the nothing cannot touch me.
 
It never stops... the thought of who I am. 

Am I any different from the rest? 
Am I merely an empty vessel? 
If so the only difference between me 
and the rest is I am well aware of it. 

I stand hollow, but without noise.