I like this
I love these,
small capsules of joy,
little tablets of dopamine
my sense of wonder is a chemical
without it, my mood would be somewhat epidemical
like a leash on an animal and a lock on a door,
they're here for a reason, so i must get
more

I'm dreadfully sorry, dear
but i no longer care about you,
or anyone for that matter
or anything you do
I'm tired of trying to no avail
this hopeless love never prevails
i have found that at my age, men don't want you for your brain
it is only a minor thing
but not when you're just a fling
it is only a one night stand
and the next day, they wont hold your hand
it is only being me
never loved
only seen

I used to think that if i had just held on to you a little bit harder, you would never have slipped away.

It is said that eyes are the windows to the soul
and, this is the truth
for i have seen the emotion that beats through your retinas
and the hazel green colored hate that consumes you,
every blink was another explosion of lies and every tear you cried
was for your innocence that died

and for the girl in the expensive clothes
i see the loneliness as it glows
her sight is weak but full of sorrow
dreading the day that is tomorrow

we're all hiding something inside our eyes
whether it is the truth or a daring lie
we all feel things to big to express
but our eyes provide a window
to see what we've depressed

please, don't hurt me
Don't throw me away
I'm so tired of feeling worthless everyday
I don't want to be someone else's ****
I am not a toy
But, I always find myself being used by some other boy
You're so great, but I'm waiting for the pain
I'm waiting for the abuse to once again drown my brain
You make me happy, that doesn't happen often
So please don't hurt me like I'm nothing

I was happy once,
when her heart was still beating
It's funny how she was pierced,
but I was the one bleeding

I want to find something to conquer my anxiety
but this boring place has no originality
and im running out of choices from lack of variety

im tired of worrying about your opinion
im breaking and i dont care how dramatic i sound
i hate being afraid and being shut the **** down

why can the popular girl get sad but when i am its for attention
i dont need your love
just your ears
i need someone to take away my fears

theres just so much judgement and its all for nothing
but if i speak, im just begging for something
i tried to deal with it on my own but you all judged that too
can someone just tell me what i am to do

i saw you there, you smiled like the sunshine
and played without a care,
you were happy here, in this place of fairies and rainbows
i wanted to stay with you but you said i had to go
this place wasn't for the living, the above ground walking around
people like me,
so i woke up and left, awaiting another visit from you for me to see
missing you by day, but
loving you in my sleep

It's been years
But the flame has not been put out
The pain has not ceased
And I still have doubts

He had that smile, the kind that makes you shake
And his voice was smooth like the water in a lake
His hands were soft and they caught me when I fell
He was just like a devil coming straight out of hell
He complimented every flaw
And told me it all
From I love you to I need you
And, what the hell did I do?
I let him in, I let him on
But he didn't get off after I told him to stop...
I screamed, but no words would come out
how the **** to begin to tell mom?
she'll just call me a *****, and say she was right
i want to forget and stop being up all night
i trusted this boy, but drugs altered his heart
i want to express, but where do i start?
i'll just bury it here, in the dirt where he did it
i'll do whatever it takes to convince myself he didn't.

when you you kissed me softly, your lips brushing mine like flower petals intersecting in the breeze
Did you feel that second of absolute and completely silent feeling of ease?
As our blood coursed through our veins, it pumping and beating
When it was spilt, how it stained
The carpet in the living room of my old yellow house
your hands placed gently on the rim of my blouse
Did it feel heavenly when you struck me down, like some sort of master standing over me on the ground
Did the ropes you used to bind me, make you feel like a man?
Do you remember what it was like to hold my hand?
When you're forcing yourself on me, feeling my breath
Do you remmeber when this love was sweetly innocent?
Now it's ripped and torn like a seam
Only held together by a few threads made of lies
This stitch is not as simple as it seems
And I'll sew together our secrets until the day our love dies

Lips and fingertips
Brushing together
Between the autumn trees
So easy it is, to fall in love under this rainbow of
leaves

Open this door, and set me free
I want to know what it's like to finally see
Show me a new way, to feel alright
Make me feel okay
Help me sleep at night

I'm so used to the touch of a man, but only the kind that comes with a back hand
I need a boy to hug me, somebody to touch me
I'm so afraid, I don't know how to ask
Because in this day in age, it's a difficult task
To just reach out and grab someone because tears are forming in there eyes
It's like hoping for sun with clouds in the sky
Just, ******* hug me!
So I can cry, I can't do it without you asking why
I'm trying to be strong, so I cannot be weak
What's so wrong with you just helping me?

We were born two years apart but grew together
we cried about boys and the book i tried to write
the one without a plot, nothing was right
when i lost my train of thought,
we fought, of course the way that sisters do
but we never failed to tell each other
"i love you"
you had dreams and so do i
about going to the moon
reaching for the sky,
you wanted to heal people
and i wanted to teach,
both of our dreams were within reach..
until you fell and he caught your soul
but i never knew these problems would unfold
now i have a story that will have feeling
i can write with emotion instead of fiction
like the wallpaper in our attic peeling
and the road against your car doors friction
like the glass on your windshield when you crashed
mom was crying when i asked
where you were
but you were gone, and i understood
he was taking you places that i never could
so dear, man in the clouds that i cannot see
do me this favor,
and take her to the moon for me.

I don't want to take your ******* anymore
I'm done being criticized and thrown against the floor
Stop SCREAMING
stop SCREAMING
The voices in my head are from your imagination
There's nothing wrong with me
You caused this agrivation
Telling everyone that oh, she's just sick
And I'm perfectly fine
And done with your ****
You keep saying that I'll be okay
But I've learned not to listen to everything you say
You just like the attention
Of having a ****** up daughter
Saying I'm too fat
To consume anything but water
At restaurants...
How am I supposed to feel
I don't know what feelings are real
All I know is that if the voices are really there
Their telling me to dispose of
All that feels unfair

forever maybe
i might be back, but i wont be alone
i've never loved truly, and i've never had a home
so, darling listen
i am so sorry,
but love never lasts,
im only ever a **** and men always wear masks
so listen long and listen good
i do not love any man
because ive lost the only man i could

No one listened,
no one believed
and now that the proof has surfaced
they all say they're proud of me

Everything was fine and silent
We just walked and we both were smiling
But then we turned the corner and his patience just snapped
One second, peace, then his hand is wrapped
Around my wrist, restraining my movement
Tell me, please, what do you do when
He threatens to choke you,
You think he's joking, but then he grabs hold of you
What do you say, when no words will come out?
And you're begging him please, let me go right now
You wonder if he can see it in your eyes
But staring into his, makes you cry, cause all you see are lies
About how he would love you, and never lay a hand
But lately these promises are harder to understand...
I didn't know what to do, when he dug his thumbs into my hips
I thought he was proud of me for not cutting my wrists
but, he's showing me that's what he wants
Calling me a *****, and treating me like some ****
He makes me hurt, and he tells me to cut
But, I can't do what he tells me...
So he hits me instead
All this aggravation, would make you wish you were dead.

when did it start?
When My friend said it was fun
It started as a habit, but now it's more like an art
It was better than holding back my screams
From when anger had filled me
I didn't mean to do it the first time
I was angry, enraged
And i just grabbed a blade
Watching the blood leak
I felt my anger begin to cease
When my mother called me fat
It was there to help with stupid crap
When something was in my system
And he wouldn't stop when I said no
It brought me up from feeling low
When Alex was killed
It kept my cup filled
It has been there for me to express my pain
It is the one thing that won't ever feel in vain
Daddy didn't want me
Moms too dead
Alex had to leave
And I'm lost inside my head
I don't know where the pieces went
Maybe their here under the flesh
I'm tired of all this childhood pain
I think it's time I start to express

She saw my cuts
i prepared for the screaming
but she didn't call me a ****
if anything, she was beaming
i saw love, i saw care
when i look at mothers eyes; that's not usually there
so i thought it was a lie...
but she acted fair
she grabbed the wound gel
and cleaned me up
told me it wasn't the right kind of stuff
that i should do when i'm upset
that if i'm sad, don't fret
she was there for me...
can you believe that ****?
i just couldn't believe
that i didn't get hit
i love my new mom
i hope the first gets better
regains her sanity
if god shall let her
they listened today
and it made the biggest difference
between and arm full of scars
and just being accepted.