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 Dec 2014 an uncommon aura
me-mow
it's christmas eve and i don't have any money
but i can give you gifts, bits of paper containing poetry.
because these words are all i have to convey
whatever ****** up reasons i might feel this way.
and i don't know if it even matters,
but now that i love you my thoughts aren't so scattered.
i am grateful for my sense and ability to see,
because your beautiful blue eyes move me like the waves of the sea.
so i'll write about it in the form of poetry
and give it to you as a gift on christmas eve
And I think the part that hurts the most is that even though I jumped through hoops for you,
Even though I emptied my wallet, and spent all the ink I owned writing pages of poetry for you, and through all the nights where we drove for hours into the silence, singing our broken hearts out, spilling our worries out of the windows of my car as we escaped into the unknown, and with all the nights we laid under the stars and just watched as they all burned out into the sunrise, and the nights we spent sleeping in the back of my car listening to your favorite bands play through the stereo of those perfect moments, and after everything I did to try and show you how much you meant to me, to show you how beautiful you are, it all meant nothing to you, and that’s what hurts the most. Knowing that the next guy that comes wandering, broken hearted and hopelessly, down your path, will hear the same story I did,
How no one cares for you and how you've never had anyone to call your own or anyone to hold close, and how everyone leaves, and how you'd give anything to find that guy, and he too will **** himself over you until you get bored of him and disappear once more. But that's how you are, smoke and mirrors, a cold heart and a shy smile, and knowing that no matter what stories you tell your next victims, I loved every last part of you.
That's what hurts the most.
Clip these wings, don't let me sing.
A caged bird is a safe bird.
A caged bird. A lovebird.

A cage is not a home.
sitting at a bar,
Christmas Eve,
solitary.
one bartender.
an overflow of drinks.
no conversation.

at the bottom of each glass
is the question
can I be happy
at the top of my mind
are flash images
-of women
-of ****
-of endless money
...and out of the void comes an answer

Straight, no chaser
NO!

I wake up Christmas morning at the bottom of a cup of coffee. All I can think of is opening gifts.
My apologies for the depressing tone.
I've been awake for too long again.
Take the pills and sleep?
Risk the nightmares?
Or stay awake...
Again...
I'm kind of sick of not sleeping
But I'm sick of the nightmares.
How many is too many?
Not enough.
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