The sleepless nights welcome me in with open arms.

Hypnotized...
Going through the motions, but not feeling.
Half asleep, somewhere inbetween consciousness.

I want to let it go.

But he made me feel like...
Like someone.

He gave me someone to impress,
Someone to talk to,
And a goal.

I felt alive...
Physically, I'm fine. Could use a trip to the gym, but I'm fine.
Emotionally, I feel dead. At the saddest time throughout this whole mess, I didn't cry.
There weren't any tears left.

No anger, no tears, no words.

Drowning everything and everyone out with music with lyrics that don't even make sense.
Nothing does anymore.

And I want to say it's okay,
To make things like they used to be.
But the damage has been done.
Once again,
Here I am:
Hurt...
As usual.

Poetry and music...
A window into someone else's soul.

I tried to be more open.
All I wanted was someone to understand,
But I always pushed people away.
So I tried to open up.

As a result I've only further broken my heart,
And now have reason to keep others out.


*It's been 13 days of this new year,
And all I want is to disappear.

My parents are taking a ton of stuff away from me.... Won't be on as much anymore... Sorry?

I'm the safety net.
I'm the fall back on,
Backup plan.

I'm insecure about a lot of things.
I've got a lack of self-confidence beyond compare.
Never will I ever tell anyone,
Because all they do is remind me of why.

I used to always think it was them.
I thought I hadn't done anything wrong.
I believed that they were the ones missing out.

But now I know.
Now I know that it was me *the whole time.